I can testify to this again and again, that God has prepared my heart in advance of upsetting news. Weeks and months before I was told I could not bear children, God whispered those very words to me-I knew. Each time a change in our lives was about to take place, I was ready only because God had prepared me. And the several times we had our hopes up regarding adoption, only to have them crushed by a biological mother who changed her mind before the birth, God was there too! Now is one of those times.
On October 3, exactly two months ago, we were approached by a pastor's wife about adopting a baby that would be due around May. Russ and I were still considering adoption in our lives-had not ruled it out. We thought we were too old for a baby, but we wanted to be available to whatever God desired for us, so we said, "yes." The pastor's wife was pretty sure this was a done deal because there were no family members on either side of the family who wanted the child, and the mother was 28 and already had 2 children, so she wasn't likely to change her mind.
We didn't tell family because we didn't want them to get excited and then get hurt if it didn't work out-there would be time closer to the due date to make announcements. They've already been through that several times with us, and it is just too hard on them.
I went through all the emotions of expecting a child: amazement, awe, fear, inadequacy, financial worries, excitement...you name it. I looked at baby clothes and my heart flip-flopped. My eyes suddenly spotted all the infants as we walked through the mall.
A couple of weeks ago, I started having this sense of advance warning from God again-that we would not be getting this baby. In fact, about a week ago I almost wrote the pastor's wife to tell her we needed to back out because we just didn't have a good feeling about it. But I didn't want to get ahead of God-let HIM open and close doors.
You guessed it-yesterday I heard from the pastor's wife. The biological father now says he wants the child. And you know what? I was ready to hear that. I would not have been ready for it a month ago. God is so good to come ahead of the bad times and put a cushion of comfort and knowledge so that when bad news comes, I can honestly say, "I'm okay with that."
I pray you each have that same peace with God-especially this time of year-Peace on earth, Good will toward men.
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2 comments:
Being atuned to God's preparation in you is a real gift. Most of us only see God in the review mirror by seeing how things worked together to bring us to this particular point. Blessings and prayers for you as you seek to follow Jesus!
Lost in Grace,
Marty
I read the pages you wrote in the Groovy Chicks book, and in some ways it is hard to believe that in this day and age some people can still be cruel and/or unthinking in the way they talk to a woman who doesn’t have a child. As for the standard, “So, how many kids do you have?”, I see no harm in that; if goats and pigs and horses could talk, they would probably be making the same kind of small talk. When they say things like “Maybe you’re just not doing it right”, or things like that, I’m sure they are trying to be helpful, but as humans we should use our higher intellectual ability more wisely and not say such things without even knowing more about the woman’s situation.
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