Wednesday, April 11, 2007

Scattered, Smothered, Covered...

If you go to Waffle House, they will ask you if you want your hash browns "scattered, smothered, covered..."

Today, I'm feeling a bit like those tasty toasty taters. My thoughts are darting around every which way. I have multiple projects to work on, and I need to hunker down and get a few items marked off my "to do" list. But how can a person do technical work, or creative work, or any form of communication while the brain is scattered, smothered, covered?

My remedy? Writing in my blog. Perhaps if I jot down a few disjointed thoughts in no particular order or theme, I will be able to get back to my work and produce a better quality "product."

So, here are a few of those scattered thoughts (similar to the scattered thunder showers going on outside right now):

+ How does one know truth from falsehoods? I simply must tap into the discernment gifted to me from my Heavenly Father to help me sort through the confusing statements and actions of others. And to be honest, so much of it JUST DOESN'T MATTER. What's interesting, is that when I get to the place where I am yielded, THEN I start to get the answers that no longer are as urgent to receive. Yesterday I received confirmation on some of my gut-feelings, and this knowledge actually validated me and I experienced a freedom in truth that I could not enjoy outside of that truth.

+ I'm learning it's not necessary to defend myself. Many times I want to. What people think of me matters more than it should. But I'm learning. Even today I had the option of choking back my defense or throwing it up all over another person. I choked back the explanations and reasonings, and I pray truth will come out without me having to defend myself. And in the meantime I pray I learn that the Lord's acceptance of me is ENOUGH.

+ There have been moments today when I would have loved to enjoy a good cry. But I'm not much of a public cry-baby-choosing rather to cry into my pillow in the darkness than let even my husband see me break down. I know that isn't wise, but it's just the way I'm wired. We are staying in the same room 24/7, due to having sold our home and not yet having the paperwork for our new home completed. To unwind, I can't even take a nice relaxing bath, because the fixture on our tub is stuck on shower and won't work for baths. I've tried burying myself in work, but that is only good to do for so long before a person needs a break. Maybe I'll go out for some time alone tomorrow.

+ Today I've been finding comfort in the scriptures. I focus on scriptures about grace, about there no longer being any condemnation in Christ, about God's plans for me, a message of hope that He will use my situations to bring Him glory. I've also learned from Christ's example that I don't have to defend myself-that truth will come out. I can learn the grace involved in turning the other cheek and giving blessing for cursing. It's hard. It's not pleasant. But it's possible.

+ I find that God places in all of us a need for relationships. The ultimate relationship is to walk with HIM, but I believe He also made us to need each other. Part of my grieving process today is saying good-bye to some friends, and in realizing some friends don't hold my heart in their hands as much as I have tried to hold their hearts in mine. Betrayal, rejection, deception, falsehoods, being used and abused...I'm drained and wrung out.

+ Coming to the end of myself (yet again) I focus on my sufficiency in the Lord. And the stab wound I feel in my side can only be soothed with the salve of the Spirit rather than the fleeting words of another human being. But sometimes, when God sends someone with skin on to minister to me, that is a gift of the best kind! And I pray I can be THAT kind of a friend to others.

VERSE for Today's Journey:
"Grace be to you, and peace, from God our Father, and from the Lord Jesus Christ. Blessed be God, even the Father of our Lord Jesus Christ, the Father of mercies, and the God of all comfort; Who comforteth us in all our tribulation that we may be able to comfort them which are in any trouble, by the comfort wherewith we ourselves are comforted of God. For as the sufferings of Christ abound in us, so our consolation also aboundeth by Christ...And our hope of you is steadfast, knowing, that as ye are partakers of the sufferings, so shall ye be also of the consolation." 2 Corinthians 1:2-7

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