JUNE JOURNEY: My Expectations are Showing...

Before we move into another aspect of dealing with expectations, I thought it might be helpful to identify some. I've made up a partial list. Have you ever wanted to say one of these to someone else (a friend, a family member, a co-worker, a client, a church member, a neighbor, you name it!)?

I Expect You To:

·               Desire to grow and progress as an individual

·               Have a code of ethics—integrity

·               Put God and others before self when it comes to priorities

·               Be honest with me

·               Work hard—not try to get by with as little as possible

·               Ask permission first, not assume you will merely ask for forgiveness later

·               Care about what’s important to me, even if it’s not important to you

·               Not just hear me, but truly listen

·               Nurture me

·               Affirm me with your words and your actions

·               Give me the benefit of the doubt

·               Treat me as you wish to be treated

·               Communicate truth rather than what you think I want to hear

·               (Well, that, and just plain COMMUNICATE!)

·               Realize I have work hours and play hours, my life isn’t just a hobby

·               Know how to give me service if you call yourself “customer service”

·               Know that poor planning on your part does not necessitate an emergency on my part

Add your own expectations in the human race in the comments section below. When is it wrong to have expectations? Is it ever right?

JUNE JOURNEY: When It Comes to Expectations...

When it comes to expectations…

I truly am learning to give the benefit of the doubt—but I’m also praying a little differently today based on some discernment.

I’m learning:

• To communicate more clearly and not expect people to read my mind, or attempt to read their minds.
• To realize everyone has “stuff” that comes up that keeps them from fulfilling their commitments, and I need to be as flexible with others as I hope they will be with me. That Golden Rule again!
• When others reply or react in a way I find unacceptable, I have several options in handling the situation. First, I need to take it out of the realm of “feelings” and put it in the realm of godly thoughts and actions. Choose to react and respond AFTER I have a plan to do it the right way. I must be intentional in disengaging my feelings from the response so that I’m not allowing my buttons to be pushed.
• Sometimes when others respond in ways that rub me the wrong way, it’s because I had in my mind a more acceptable response and they missed the mark. Here’s my expectations showing: my first goal in any misunderstanding even in a short e-mail or by phone would be to reassure the other party and alleviate their concerns, so I expect others to be that way with me. Only after I reassure someone, would I tackle the issues. When others don’t do that, they let me down. I need to realize others aren’t as in tune to affirming others.
• My timetable is not the same as others. My priorities aren’t the same as others. I need to give grace on that, and be okay with the differences, even thanking God that we are all different.

I’ll be honest. I’ve been praying how to better handle my expectations because it’s not healthy to wait until I’m in the middle of a disappointment to come up with my game plan. I have to plan in advance to have a strategy how to handle issues. Otherwise, “in the moment” I might let my feelings mess things up (for me, or for others).

(Tomorrow I'll write about when to walk away...)

Assume or Communicate

I'm no mind reader. So why do I expect others to be? I say I'm a communicator, but I'm finding out just how poorly I communicate when it comes to what others should just KNOW. I assume way too much!

For example, the day before Christmas I had plans to get the house and meal ready for our company on Christmas Day. I had the entire day planned out to the hour. Did I communicate that with Russ? No...I forgot that important step. How was he to know? He doesn't read my lengthy lists. He doesn't read my mind. So, he guessed on how he could best help me, and he came close--but not quite.

So, on Christmas Eve day, he tore into the house to completely redo two rooms. Probably the best gift I received this Christmas. But it wasn't on my agenda to do that day. What if the project was too big and wasn't completed by the time our guests walked in 24 hours later? What if he needed my help and it kept me from doing what had to be done to get the meal ready? All of those "what ifs" could have been avoided if early on I had asked Russ what he wanted to do that day, and if I would have told him what I thought my plans might be. Ended up well (really well, in fact!). I hope to share photos of my office soon. But the day was completely rearranged all because I assumed.

New Year's Eve delivered yet another break in communication--this time with my pharmacy. I needed a refill of an anti-seizure medication that isn't supposed to be stopped cold turkey or the body goes through withdrawals. I didn't realize it, but this medication (Lyrica) is a controlled substance. Even though I had one refill left on my prescription, and even though the prescription was ordered the middle of 2009, six months later it was no longer valid due to being a controlled substance. No problem--I had a back-up prescription previously faxed to the pharmacy from my doctor for all my meds. Pharmacist looked it up--he found the fax with every medication listed EXCEPT the Lyrica. I was out of luck. The doctor was gone for the rest of the week--a holiday.

I assumed the refill was valid. I assumed the fax was there on back up. What did I get for my assumptions? A great big dose of withdrawals--something I wouldn't wish on anyone. Now I know in order to properly communicate I need to be sure of something rather than just assume it took place (like confirming the fax from the doctor included all of my meds).

So, today I start the new year, HOPING the doctor is in the office, HOPING the prescription gets ordered soon, HOPING I reverse these withdrawal symptoms quickly. But, I'm not just getting a dose of Lyrica today, I'm getting a dose of reality.

This gal who says she's a communicator, who owns a communications firm, needs to communicate better.

And I'm guessing if you're honest, that's something you could work on in 2010 as well!