JUNE JOURNEY: I Expect to Hear from You!

At least five times a week I find myself mulling over the question, "Why aren't they e-mailing me back, calling me, texting, or touching base on facebook?" Lack of communication. I expect them to reply in a timely manner. Why? Because I try to reply in a timely manner when people contact me. For business: urgent issues, same day, and non-urgent situations hear from me within a week (I have time slots each week to deal with each client's projects). For friends, they get a return reply in the first 24-hours (unless I miss a text since I don't check it often).

What happens when I don't get a reply in the time I expect? I start to worry with "What ifs." "What if I did something wrong?" "What if they don't like me?"

Then I confess, I check their facebook to see what they're up to. If it seems like they are responding to everyone but me, I start to get insecure. "I don't matter to her." "I'm at the bottom of her list."

See where expectations get me? I go on a downward spiral that's no good for anyone.

I've learned several lessons from this ongoing problem of mine. 

• E-mail can be glitchy. My e-mails aren't always delivered to them, and their replies aren't always delivered to me. If in doubt, double-check by sending a "touching base" e-mail. If that gets no reply, try a direct message on facebook, a text, a phone call. Don't assume they are not replying.
• Some situations paralyze people. They want to respond but they don't know where to begin. So they keep it on their "to be done later" stack. And they find every reason to do other things first. People avoid conflict, misunderstandings, and resolution because it requires transparency and truth in communication. It's not that they're mad so much as they don't know how to proceed.
• I need to give the benefit of the doubt more when it comes to lack of communication. Rather than jumping to the wrong conclusion, since I'm not a mind-reader, I need to cut some slack. The Golden Rule comes in handy here!
• Sometimes, people have a different priority system for communication than I do. People don't have to be like me in the way they handle their life stuff to be right or wrong. We're just different. No need to judge and no need to assume the worst.
• People get burned out over communication. It's too much input. Too much to keep up with. Sometimes it gets so overwhelming, it's like a hoarder's house--it just piles up with the communication hoarder having no idea how to whittle away at it a little at a time. So, not hearing from someone doesn't mean they're mad or hate me, it might mean they are overwhelmed. And maybe, because I'm such a nice girl, they figure if anyone will understand them not having a timely response, it's me.

I'm still working on this one. Can anyone relate to this struggle, and if so, how do you handle it?

Assume or Communicate

I'm no mind reader. So why do I expect others to be? I say I'm a communicator, but I'm finding out just how poorly I communicate when it comes to what others should just KNOW. I assume way too much!

For example, the day before Christmas I had plans to get the house and meal ready for our company on Christmas Day. I had the entire day planned out to the hour. Did I communicate that with Russ? No...I forgot that important step. How was he to know? He doesn't read my lengthy lists. He doesn't read my mind. So, he guessed on how he could best help me, and he came close--but not quite.

So, on Christmas Eve day, he tore into the house to completely redo two rooms. Probably the best gift I received this Christmas. But it wasn't on my agenda to do that day. What if the project was too big and wasn't completed by the time our guests walked in 24 hours later? What if he needed my help and it kept me from doing what had to be done to get the meal ready? All of those "what ifs" could have been avoided if early on I had asked Russ what he wanted to do that day, and if I would have told him what I thought my plans might be. Ended up well (really well, in fact!). I hope to share photos of my office soon. But the day was completely rearranged all because I assumed.

New Year's Eve delivered yet another break in communication--this time with my pharmacy. I needed a refill of an anti-seizure medication that isn't supposed to be stopped cold turkey or the body goes through withdrawals. I didn't realize it, but this medication (Lyrica) is a controlled substance. Even though I had one refill left on my prescription, and even though the prescription was ordered the middle of 2009, six months later it was no longer valid due to being a controlled substance. No problem--I had a back-up prescription previously faxed to the pharmacy from my doctor for all my meds. Pharmacist looked it up--he found the fax with every medication listed EXCEPT the Lyrica. I was out of luck. The doctor was gone for the rest of the week--a holiday.

I assumed the refill was valid. I assumed the fax was there on back up. What did I get for my assumptions? A great big dose of withdrawals--something I wouldn't wish on anyone. Now I know in order to properly communicate I need to be sure of something rather than just assume it took place (like confirming the fax from the doctor included all of my meds).

So, today I start the new year, HOPING the doctor is in the office, HOPING the prescription gets ordered soon, HOPING I reverse these withdrawal symptoms quickly. But, I'm not just getting a dose of Lyrica today, I'm getting a dose of reality.

This gal who says she's a communicator, who owns a communications firm, needs to communicate better.

And I'm guessing if you're honest, that's something you could work on in 2010 as well!