Boundaries and Borders

I've been thinking a lot about boundaries and borders this week. Drs. Henry Cloud and John Townsend wrote Boundaries: When to Say Yes, When to Say No, To Take Control of Your Life. It's obvious Christians often confuse the lines when it comes to what we allow to happen in our lives. We're supposed to live yielded lives with a focus of God and others before self. When does that yieldedness turn into a doormat? The Bible says we are to love others as we love ourselves, so are there times when our love for self requires us to say "no" to prevent us from burn-out? We are supposed to be willing to "go the extra mile" for others. What happens when they want TWO miles? What happens when we are feeling spent and taken advantage of? If we go the extra miles do we wear out our soles? And our souls? Three issues came to the surface just yesterday to cause me to evaluate this delicate balance even further.

• What do I owe my clients as far as my time? When is it okay to be unavailable because it's family time and not work time? When is it time to tell them "poor planning on your part does not necessitate an emergency on mine"?
  
• When someone wants a piece of me that is not theirs to take, how blunt do I have to become before they comprehend they have asked too much of me? Some say I'm "too nice" and because of that I encourage others to use me. I'm trying to balance "serving-it-forward" with saying "no" to create appropriate boundaries. Not because it's all about me but because I won't have any "me" to help others if I'm no longer effective. I guess it's a lot like having to put the oxygen mask on myself before I help others place their own oxygen masks (taken from a flight attendant spiel.)
• When is it time to seek legal counsel to represent my best interests? Health insurance won't pay claims related to an injury—subrogating responsibility to the hotel that was negligent. The hotel insurance will not assume liability, piling on more paperwork and using intimidation tactics to bury me in details so I'll give up. Medical providers are sending notes saying "pay or else." I do not like working with attorneys, to be frank, because my past experience has proven they ramp up the hours and end up being the only one getting anything from a lawsuit. But I also know we have zero monies to pay these medical bills. I'm praying I can find an attorney who will take my case for a percentage of the win, rather than a retainer. I can't believe I'm at the point of needing to seek counsel. I would rather be Mrs. Nice Gal.

I want to always be available for what God has me to do. Serving Him. Serving others. I don't want to become hardened by circumstances and jaded by users. I'm praying I continue to learn how to create godly boundaries, only excluding from my life what God leads me to exclude, and letting in all the other stuff, even if it takes a big chunk of me in the process. Not a doormat, but a door-tender.

What have you learned about setting boundaries? Share your tips and your dilemmas here. Maybe we can help each other along on this journey!

Dream Bigger!

I'm traveling on a 10-day roatrip with assistant and friend, Gina Stinson. Her husband Bruce asked me one of my favorite questions tonight, and now I can't sleep, thinking about it. He asked me if what I'm doing now is "living the dream" of what I dream of doing in my life. My reply was, all this and MORE. I'm a big dreamer, and God is an even BIGGER dreamer, coming up with all sorts of exciting and challenging plans for my life.

The projects I'd love to work on are ones I sense God leading me to work on--some with church and community ministry, some with business (which is also a ministry).

The hard part is to figure out how to get from Point A (where I am now) to Point B (where I believe God is leading me). I don't want to have a 40-year journey in the wilderness, if I can help it! Just like we used mapquest to figure out our road trip route, taking us from our current position to our destination, I wish I could figure out a way to mapquest my life.

But there really is a simple way. Allow God to dream big dreams for me, and then obey Him as He leads each step. Each decision, each contact, each project, yielded to His direction. Yet, it's not always as simple as it sounds.

But it IS exciting. Maybe, just maybe the journey is as important as the destination. Gina and I are looking forward to the road trip as much as the conference, and maybe my life journey of getting from where I am to each task God has for me is just as important as the arrival. Gina and I will visit in the car as we travel. God and I will fellowship on my life trips to various God-directed tasks and projects. On this road trip we have to trust the map to get us there even on roads we've never driven, and we have to trust the vehicle to function properly. In my life journey, I have to trust to get ahead too. Trust God. And trust that God-given gut instinct He places inside of me.

I'm dreaming big dreams, and I'm determined to enjoy the trip as much as the destinations in this great big life God has for me!