Updates for Family & Friends

Sometimes I write a note to let you know how things are going. So, if you want to know-this is for you!

I went to my internist today for a follow up visit. She told me that she was REALLY worried about me when I saw her Friday. She said I was very very sick-almost hospital sick. I knew I felt bad, but I didn't realize it was THAT bad. So, I want to thank the Lord for a quick recovery. I'm blessed that Russ insisted I call the doctor-I was trying to tough it out. Evidently, the Metformin for the new diabetes diagnosis just wasn't right for me. I tried it for 3 weeks, and it caused gastroenteritis (tummy problems). Today she prescribed a new drug called Januvia. It is a brand new diabetes medication. Here is the information about it-for those who are following the diabetes journey:

JANUVIA lowers blood sugar when blood sugar is high, especially after a meal. JANUVIA also lowers blood sugar between meals.
JANUVIA helps to improve the levels of insulin produced by your own body after a meal.
JANUVIA decreases the amount of sugar made by the body. JANUVIA is unlikely to cause your blood sugar to be lowered to a dangerous level (hypoglycemia) because it does not work when your blood sugar is low.

The doctor believes my facial pain and eye pressure-that returned on Friday-is another sinus infection. I don't have any nasal symptoms or drainage, but she said that could be why I have so much pain-because it is blocked up in the sinuses. I'm supposed to call the Ear/Nose/Throat doctor to let them know I might be having another infection, to see if he will examine me while I'm actually in the middle of an infection (when I went to the ENT before, I wasn't having an active infection, so all he could see was allergies). The internist is concerned about these frequent sinus infections and wants a specialist to evaluate it. I'm hesitant to call because I'm not having any nasal symptoms. I guess I'll play it by ear and see how things develop this week.

I need to be all well in time for my minor surgery, which is scheduled for February 5th.

And all the while, I'm still working. So glad about that!

Also, I have an update on Russ's dad. I talked with him the other day to get my questions answered regarding his newest cancer. His primary cancer is chondrosarcoma (he lost a toe and later he lost his lower leg). He also has prostate cancer. Well, the CT scan shows a very definite chondrosarcoma mass of 6 mm that is not well defined at this point. It is not anywhere near where his blood clot was, so what they see isn't scarring from that. The doctors say it looks exactly like a chondrosarcoma and they would have said that without even knowing of his history with this specific cancer.

They are waiting until April to take another scan to see if it grows. If it has increased in size, and is a little more defined so they can get a biopsy of it, they will do a needle biopsy (they cannot reach it via bronchoscopy). If they did a biopsy of it now, they might miss the mass, since it is small and not well defined on the films. While he is on the operating table they will confirm the cancer, and then do a laproscopic removal of the mass, which will require a 3-inch incision. Chondrosarcoma can only be cured by removal of the tumor-there is no chemotherapy or radiation that will treat it. Also, there are only two places this time of cancer shows up: bone and lungs. His tumor does not have any satellites, so this is good news. It doesn't seem like there are 'seeds" that will spread into other tumors (some patients end up having multiple lung surgeries to remove these tumors). So-we wait until April to see what the CT scan shows. If it hasn't grown, then he may not have surgery. That would be my prayer for him!

Thanks for your concern, and for your prayers. Keep them up!

Book Review-A Bigger Life

I've written a book review for each day of the week. Enjoy!

Title: A Bigger Life

Author: Annette Smith

Publisher: NavPress

ISBN: 1-5768-3995-8

Genre: Gritty Christian Romance


Joel Carpenter isn’t your typical Texan of the male persuasion. He is a straight hair stylist at a women’s salon. He’s also a single parent raising a son with all the love he can muster. He hangs with the guys on weekends, but his heart still longs for his ex.

Life is turned upside down and everything Joel holds dear is challenged. He is at a place in his life to question what he really believes in. He’s only experienced a legalistic Christianity that left him wishing to run in the other direction. That is—until a client exposes him to a type of Christianity that gave him more answers than questions.

Smith’s style of writing keeps the mind buzzing as the story precedes forward and then flashes back to reveal the history of the characters’ burdens and victories. I admit I had to look twice to see if my eyes were fooling me when it came to the byline. This female author writes from a very convincing male point of view.

The book made me ache during heartache and rally during successes. A very real read that will open your eyes to conventional beliefs.

(c) Kathy Carlton Willis

Confession Time

My doctor took me off of the Metformin on Friday because of the GI-distress. Told me to eat a very mild diet until my tummy settled down, and to watch my sugar levels-saying they might go a little higher than normal since I was sick and also since I wasn't taking a medication.

Well, Friday I ate primarily carbs (she had recommended bananas, rice, applesauce, toast-all carbs). My blood glucose readings stayed between 98-108. I thought to myself, "Wow-these are good numbers. Maybe I don't need a medication after all. If I can keep my numbers in this range with carbs, how can I be diabetic?"

Then, yesterday I had no more vomiting, and reduced diarrhea, so I ate a regular meal. A friend gave us a roast dinner with veggies, potatoes, rolls, and apple pie. I ate some of the pie and my postprandial reading was 108. So then I thought, "Maybe I don't even have diabetes. Maybe my high readings were mistakes. Maybe it was because of the 3 days I had steroids in my system at the end of November, and maybe it just took a full 2 months to get out of my system."

So, here is the confession part: This morning for breakfast, there was some leftover apple pie staring me in the face, so I had a slice. Not smart, I know, but I thought maybe my system could handle it. WRONG. My postprandial (2 hours after meal blood glucose check) this morning was 187. It's not supposed to be over 140, and they really want it only 20 more than the fasting levels, because by 2 hours our body should be back down from the spike in BG from the food. Hard telling how high mine went if this was the "back down" reading!

Anyway-this was a reality check for me that yes I do have diabetes. Even though apple pie might make everyone's blood glucose go up more than a protein meal, it still should have only gone up to about 120 as postprandial reading if I didn't have diabetes.

I guess this little experiment has proven I really do have to be cautious with my meal plan. And that I probably do need a diabetes medication of some kind to help keep the numbers in the normal range.

Okay-confession time is now over!

Topsy Turvy Week

What a topsy-turvy week! Let's see if I can hit some highlights, for all of you who come to the site for updates on my life. Here goes:

• Russ's dad just told us tonight that his CT scan of his lungs did show what they are almost 100% sure to be cancer, metastasized from his bone cancer (he had a toe amputated a long while ago and then a partial leg amputated in 2002). I'm not sure why, but they have determined it best to wait until April to do another test, and then to possibly do a bronchoscopy to not only biopsy, but potentially remove the tumor. I don't have any more details, but this sounds pretty serious to me. Of course we would appreciate your prayers. Russ's Mom died of metastatic breast cancer (to her liver and spine) in 1997. Russ's sister Cathy had thyroid cancer when she was in her mid 20s. Russ's Grandpa had two kinds of cancer (prostate and pancreatic). Russ's Grandma has had a type of lymphoma. In other words, it's a cancer family. Please pray!

• Russ has been sick with a cold this week and only worked a couple of hours today so he could come home and rest up for church tomorrow. Having a sore throat and cough hinders a music director from leading music, as well as teaching a Sunday School class, so we pray his voice is stronger tomorrow, and that he feels better. He said he tried the HMH: Hydrate, Medicate, Hibernate. Sounds good to me!

• I ended up getting so sick from the new diabetes medication (Metformin) that the doctor took me off of it. I went to see her yesterday as a "work in" patient after having too many tummy problems and getting lethargic. Sort of like a rag doll. Lost 12 pounds in 3 weeks (that part is good!). She said it was good I had come in to see her-I guess I was on the verge of dehydration. Anyway, she gave me a shot of phenergan and a script for the pill form as well and some other meds. I go back on Tuesday to discuss a new diabetes medicine after my belly heals up and also to decide if I have yet another sinus infection (or a lingering one). She didn't want to put me on more antibiotics with my tummy so messed up. I like this doctor so much! (But not enough to want to keep seeing her professionally.) ☺

• We had a blessing this week in the form of a "check in the mail." I received my portion of an inheritance from my cousin Mark's estate. I feel so undeserving of it and so appreciative!

Appreciate Today

The bud of a rose is just as beautiful as the full bloom. Appreciate what you have at the moment. --- Anonymous

God Can Do It!

GOD CAN DO IT!

I was reminded this week just how big our God is. I knew, I just KNEW that God had something around the corner for us. I had guesses as to how He might take care of us and show us a glimpse of His love. But I didn't REALLY know. In fact, I had no clue just how powerful God is to change our outcome.

I think what I've experienced can be called "mustard seed faith." I had a little bit of faith. I had faith enough to think mustard seed sized things might happen. But God took my little bit of faith and honored it by showing me just how BIG He is. WOW!

When I get these God-sightings all I can say is, "God, You are amazing. You take our needs and surprise us with Your solutions. Your ways are above my ways. Your ways are higher than my ways. Let me never forget Your goodness and Your power."

Twila Paris sings a song called "God is In Control." The last verse says,

"He has never let you down
Why start to worry now?
Why start to worry now?
He is still the Lord of all we see
And He is still the loving Father
Watching over you and me."

If you are going through a human-sized problem just surrender it to God and wait for His God-sized solution. He has ways to make things "all better" just like my Mom fixed my child-sized problems. She used to kiss my boo boos and make the pain go away. God kisses away my problems and makes His grace come to stay.

I've learned not to limit God or put Him in a box. Just when I think I have it figured out how He might take care of my burdens, He surprises me with a different solution. This is one more time He has saved the day that I can write in my memory book. On those days when I need a reminder of His goodness, I can pull out this memory as a testimony of His ability to take care of me. I'll sing with Twila Paris the chorus of the song,

"God is in control
We believe that His children will not be forsaken
God is in control
We will choose to remember and never be shaken
There is no power above or beside Him
We know O God is in control
O God is in control."

Warning: Opinion Zone

I've been extremely frustrated by the amount of forwards I receive in my e-mail box regarding illegal aliens in our country and the pro-English propaganda. To me, these forwards just breed hate. I can't imagine that is the answer to the problem. I wrote the following note to a Christian group in which I participate. Perhaps it will get us all thinking today.

***

May I respectfully ask the question that begs to be asked about some of the forwards the List is getting these past few months? It seems the targets are anyone non-American and non-English speaking. I'm a loyal American, but I have a problem being told I should treat others any "less than" what I treat the rest. And I don't see Jesus encouraging His followers to discriminate against anyone who isn't like them. The more people develop a focus that involves propagating hate about another people group, the harder it is to win that people group to Jesus. Perhaps you say, "but I love the people, I don't hate them. I just love my country more." How do our missionaries feel when they see these forwards in their mailboxes? Didn't Jesus die for those who don't speak English?

I'm very certain that if we checked our family tree, we would discover that we have non-American roots (except for the few of you who are full-blooded Native American, Inuit or Native Hawaiian). I vaguely recall the Statue of Liberty welcoming those from other countries. Has that changed?

Yes, we do have a problem with illegals "breaking in to" our country. I realize it is an epidemic and is costing our country millions. I'm not sure what the answer is. But since Jesus asks me to put myself in their shoes, I realize I might be very desperate to want a better life for my family, so much so that I would risk life or limb to provide a meager living to send back to my family in the "mother land." Are we reaching these illegals with Jesus and then helping them to work through the process to become legal? Or do we make them feel castigated by our "English only, American only" mentality?

You want them to speak English in our country, but when you travel to other countries, do you speak THEIR languages? Seems that would only be right.

I'm sorry, but this is something I'm passionate about. I hear preachers in pulpits making racial jokes and taking political stands against illegals. Where is the love of Jesus? Where is the gospel-the good news of Jesus Christ (crucified and resurrected and now at the right side of the Father)?

What if I were in this country and English was my second language? Maybe I was legal, but I was treated like an illegal because of my accent. Perhaps I was treated like a second class citizen (literally). WOULD I accept the gospel presented by a church or church member, if that church had treated me just like the world was treating me? What hope or joy could I possibly gain? I'm guessing I would say, "No thank you."

It is easy to send missionaries to other countries and feel good about doing our part for world evangelization, but what are we doing in our own back yard? Are we only reaching out to people who look like us and talk like us, or are we reflecting Jesus?

I can certainly agree to disagree agreeably with those who have taken a different stand than me regarding this. But if I say nothing on this issue, it is as if there is only one viewpoint to this problem. As if the entire group believes the same thing-that it is okay to spread mean words about those who aren't like us. I can't let that happen.

Song Lyrics: Offering

lyrics - offering

Today Russ and I sang a duet called "Offering" by Third Day, and invited the choir to join in on a chorus, and then the entire congregation on the last chorus. It was awesome to be part of such a great experience, to particpate in corporate worship.

Diabetes Education Assessment

I went for an assessment with a diabetes educator at the hospital. Later I will go take 2 four-hour group classes. So far I've learned:

• A 9 day rotation to check blood glucose (BG) levels. If you are interested in following this, here is how it goes: 3 days testing before breakfast (fasting) and 2 hours after your first bite of breakfast (postprandial), 3 days testing before lunch and 2 hours after, and 3 days testing before dinner and after. Then go back to breakfast. This will give physicians a good indication of how your BG levels fluctuate throughout the day and if your diet, exercise, and medication plan is working for you.

• That I might require insulin at certain times in my life-such as when I'm on steroids, when I'm sick, and when I'm having surgery. This helps the pancreas out when the body is put in stressful situations. Stress tends to increase BG levels and cause the body to be insulin intolerant, thanks to hormones. Every hormone in the body increases BG levels except insulin. So, when you hear of adrenalin or cortisone levels in your body-these are hormones that can increase BGs.

• My body secretes more hormones when I'm in the beginning stages of getting sick (fighting infection) and I can actually tell when my BGs go up that I am probably getting ready to be sick (or I'm under too much stress and need to use stress reduction techniques). So, writing down BG levels on a chart is good for more than just telling if the program is working. It can tell you how well your body is fighting off any sort of physicial stress.

• That insulin is not a drug-it is the exact replica of what our body makes, so it comes in the body clean and there are no interactions, it doesn't go through the kidney or liver like drugs do.

I'll pass on more diabetes tips as I learn them!

Friendship Garden

“If I had a single flower for every time I think about you, I could walk forever in my garden.” Attributed to: Claudia Ghandi

Forgiveness

FORGIVENESS

Recently I was put in the position of needing to forgive someone. They had not asked me to forgive them, and they did not admit they did anything wrong. But I knew the spirit of unforgiveness in my heart would turn to bitterness if I didn't release the hurt and the one who hurt me into the hands of God. Has someone ever disrespected you, made you feel like less of a person, and showed you with their actions that you had less worth than other people? Then you know my pain. I tried to make things right with that person, but they would not bend from their position of "rightness."

I didn't have to be right, but I did wish to be respected. Perhaps respect is one means of showing love to another. It is not an automatic, and it often has to be earned. I thought my history with this person had earned me her respect.

What did I do when the peacemaking efforts were dashed? I took it to Jesus. I asked Him to heal my breaking heart and to help me get over my feelings of rejection. Sadness. I was in a bad place. Hurt. Pain. You've been there. What can you do to soothe the sting?

I asked God to help me love this individual with the love of Jesus. That same love Jesus showed me when I didn't deserve love, I wanted to experience for the one who sinned against me. I prayed for her. I put myself in her shoes. I gave her the benefit of the doubt. And I spoke the words, "I forgive you." I wasn't pardoning the offense. I was just saying "I no longer hold you accountable for that, but rather I release you to God, who will take care of helping you grow from this." And He is helping ME grow from this as well.

Do you have someone you need to forgive? Maybe this week you can take the first step in learning to love them again, with the same love Jesus has offered you. It's not easy, but it can be done. And you know what happens when you release the hurt? It frees you up to experience an unexplainable grace and peace from the very God of all comfort. Hurt for healing; bitterness for blessing. What a trade!

Glad for Diabetes

I'm starting the New Year with a new diagnosis: diabetes. This means I have no choice but to learn a new way of life. It encompasses healthy eating, exercise, finger pricks for blood glucose readings, reducing stress and more. I find it interesting that 3 of these 4 life changes are often New Year's goals for normal adults. We all know it is best if we eat less, move more, and de-stress. This is not to say that people can avoid diabetes if they are living a healthy way of life, but just think how much further ahead I would be if I was already on that healthful path!

I believe in embracing all things with gratitude, even if it starts out as an exercise rather than an overwhelming feeling. Sometimes the discipline of counting my blessings even when I don't feel like it helps me have a more positive approach. The new-and-improved outlook helps me accept the inevitable without rebelliously digging my feet into the ground.

Perhaps today's gratitude list of "Why I'm Glad I Have Diabetes" will inspire your own gratitude list for the New Year. Pick something unpleasant about the New Year and make it more bearable by finding the good in it.

1. A diabetic diet is a healthy way of eating.
2. I will lose the weight I've needed to lose the past 4 years.
3. I will heal better after procedures and surgeries when my blood glucose levels are under control.
4. I'm less tempted to eat outside of my meal plan because I HAVE a plan.
5. I will be more understanding of what other diabetics are going through.
6. By catching it early, I avoid or delay some of the long-term affects of the disease.
7. I will become physically fit as I follow a disciplined exercise plan.
8. I'm allowed to eat a variety of foods all within my appetites and cravings.
9. I will save money on groceries and restaurant bills as my portion sizes decrease.
10. When my body reaches a healthier status I will feel better, which will then affect my spiritual and emotional health as well.

When asked how to eat an elephant, the reply was “One bite at a time.” This is also the best advice for dealing with any problem — just take it one bite at a time.

Ask God to help you overcome one seemingly insurmountable problem this year. Allow Him to help you to view the problem from a different perspective. Break down the issues, one bite at a time. You can swallow anything if the bites are small enough. Before you know it, you will have victory over your trial. Start with the right attitude, and entrust the circumstance to God. He will give you the sufficient grace to cope with any of Life’s many unpleasant situations. And in the end, that gratitude list might evolve from an exercise to abundant joy.

New Year Prayer

Grant me the strength from day to day
To bear what burdens come my way.
Grant me throughout this bright New Year
More to endure and less to fear.
Help me live that I may be
From spite and petty malice free.
Let me not bitterly complain
When cherished homes of mine prove vain,
Or spoil with deeds of hate and rate
Some fair tomorrow's spotless page.
Lord, as the days shall come and go
In courage let me stronger grow.

Lord, as the New Year dawns today
Help me to put my faults away.
Let me be big in little things;
Grant me the joy which friendship brings.
Keep me from selfishness and spite;
Let me be wise in what is right.
A happy New Year! Grant that I
May bring no tear to an eye.
When this New Year in time shall end
Let it be said I played the friend,
Have lived and loved and labored here,
And made of it a happy year.

~ Edgar A. Guest

Let Go, Then "Let's Go!"

Jazzy loves to "pretend-bury" treats for future enjoyment. She tucks her rawhide in the folds of her favorite blanket, and then pushes with her nose to "throw dirt" over the hole until she believes it is hidden from view. Other treats are "buried" in various corners of the house, waiting to be rediscovered by her at a later date. The best part is to watch her fuss over the burial process, and then to watch her retrieve the treat immediately, to be buried elsewhere or enjoyed in an instant gratification moment. With Jazzy, this process is all fun and games, but we humans practice a similar process that leads to our ruination.

We say we are burying the hatchet, the grudge, the hurt. We make a big ordeal out of the burial process, so the offense is hidden from view. But we hide it just about as long as Jazzy hides her treats. Even before the hurt fades from memory, we snatch it back up so we can ruminate on it some more. We lick our wounds and think about how pitiful our situation is. We think about how a person or event harmed us beyond repair, and we don't even think of asking Jesus to heal our broken hearts. How are we helping the healing process by reliving those things that bring us down? When we ask Jesus to help us really forgive, we can move forward and enjoy the clean slate of our future.

As we begin a New Year, we can lighten our load by putting away those things that hinder our journey. Goal setting can only help us with our future when we have successfully dealt with the past. This is the perfect time of year to take inventory of our burdens and let them go like helium balloons rather than hide them in the ground. That way, we can look up rather than bury our heads in the sand.

Let go, and then "let's go!"

Christmas Blessings-Gratitude List

1. I'm grateful for my Savior first of all. I know He probably didn't come on December 25th, but I know He came, and that is the most important historical event to affect me in such a real way.

2. I'm grateful for my dear husband Russ. He is such an amazing man of integrity and honor. I am a woman most blessed!

3. I'm grateful for friends who are the real deal. Not phony fakers, but super sincere. I know I can trust my heart to them.

4. I'm grateful for my "lot in life." It may seem bad, with 3 minor surgeries and 1 major surgery in 2006 and one more minor surgery on January 8th, but I am so blessed compared to others in my life. My friend Betty fell down her concrete stairs out back, taking the trash out, and heard a loud crack. She crawled back to her house because no one could hear her cries for help, and made it to the E.R. She has a compression fracture of her back (L1 vertebra) and must be in a back brace for 8 weeks. Her pain is so unbearable that the morphine is just now starting to help, days later. A six year old "little friend" of mine received bad news recently, so we went out to McDonalds to talk about it. She found out her mother had abandoned her at her father's house, and no one has heard from her since before Thanksgiving. Her teacher wants to know why she acted out at school by dumping her juice on the table. She received detention, but she just wanted a little love! So, all things considered, I'll just keep my bag of trials, rather than trade them for someone else's.

6. I'm grateful for my Christmas gifts. I love them all! And the best part was giving gifts to others. It seemed like my budget was specially-blessed and I was able to buy a lot for very little. Some would call it luck, but I choose to believe my good bargains to be a gift from God above.

Plastic Joy-Limerick

I was the runner up for a Christmas Limerick contest sponsored by Humor Power. Here is the web address:
http://www.humorpower.com/blog/2006/12/creative-humor-writing-favorite-things-limericks/

PLASTIC JOY

There once was a girl with a doll
That doll could pee-pee and then bawl
It made me feel glad
To know that her dad
GI Joe was just 12-inches tall!

Breath of Heaven for Me

Every year, around this time, one Christmas song stands out in my mind. I find myself humming along to it in the stores, and getting all teary-eyed when I hear it on the radio. It touches me in such a deep and meaningful way. Each year I desire to sing it in church, but talk myself out of it because of the lyrics. You see, the song I'm talking about is "Breath of Heaven" by Amy Grant. The song is sung from Mary's perspective, as she carries the babe to be named Jesus — the very Son of God we worship to this day.

Even though the song means so much to me, I was unsure of singing it because I'm unable to have children. Some of the lyrics go:

"I have traveled many moonless nights,
Cold and weary with a babe inside,
And I wonder what I've done.
Holy Father you have come,
And chosen me now to carry your Son."

Would it be distracting for listeners to hear me sing the song, since they know I'm a barren woman? Would they say I have no idea what it would be like to carry a child?

But this year I decided not to worry about what others think, and just sing the song from my heart to God's ears. You see, I do know what it is like to have Jesus living in me. I may not have carried Him to term, but I do know His indwelling Spirit. It would have been a miracle for me to have been with child. But wasn't it also a miracle for the virgin Mary to carry the Christ-child? And isn't it a miracle when each one of us receives the gift of His presence in our lives?

So now I sing the song with even more humility and more worship than before.

"I am waiting in a silent prayer.
I am frightened by the load I bear.
In a world as cold as stone,
Must I walk this path alone?
Be with me now. Be with me now."

Who hasn't felt intense loneliness? Only the presence of Jesus strengthens us when we feel we journey through this life all alone.

The chorus is sung several times in the song. It says:

"Breath of heaven,
Hold me together,
Be forever near me,
Breath of heaven.
Breath of heaven,
Lighten my darkness,
Pour over me your holiness,
For you are holy.
Breath of heaven."

The final verse says:

"Do you wonder as you watch my face,
If a wiser one should have had my place,
But I offer all I am
For the mercy of your plan.
Help me be strong.
Help me be.
Help me."

This Christmas, my prayer for you is that you have experienced the Breath of Heaven in your own lives. May the miracle of Christ living inside us draw us even closer to the Heavenly Father above.

Merry Christmas!
Kathy Carlton Willis
Living Out Loud Communications
ImLivingOutLoud@aol.com
http://imlivingoutloud.blogspot.com/

Breath of Heaven

I am preparing to write an article about the song by Amy Grant, "Breath of Heaven." Sunday I'll be singing the song for church. Here are the lyrics:

lyrics - breath of heaven

They Say I'm Donder!

Which of Santa's Reindeer are you? Donder Like Donder you are sensible and a good leader. You know the right things to do at the right time and have people's respect Find out which of Santa's Reindeer you are at Quizopolis.com

Christmas Card Friendships

Today I worked on writing notes in Christmas cards for our Sunday School class. Each one gets a special note, so it takes a while. I took a break and went to the mailbox to look for season's greetings from my loved ones. If I'm being honest, I divide these greetings into 4 categories. One-cards with preprinted names. Two-cards with signed names. Three-a form letter looking back over the year. Four-a personal note from the sender. All of the cards and notes mean something to me because the person took the time to think of me. I don't have time every year to write the personal notes. Change that. I don't MAKE the time. It's all about choices.

Acquaintances and friendships develop in a similar pattern. Intimacy builds with transparency. Some friendships remain distant because conversations are shallow and walls of protection are up. As the walls come down and the conversations become more real, the potential for friendship grows. With some people, I know them in name only, just like the preprinted Christmas cards. Others I learn nuggets about them, but that's about it, as in the signed Christmas cards with little else written on the card. Most friendships get to the third level, where I know the facts about their calendar year, but I know less about matters of the heart. When a friendship enters the fourth level, hearts are shared and a bond is formed. Not many reach it to this level.

The Lord had similar friendship circles. He had those who followed from afar, the masses that knew OF Him, but didn't KNOW Him. The disciples made a greater commitment to follow Him. To them He shared many of life's lessons. But the 3 in his inner circle, Peter, James and John interacted with Jesus in the most intimate way.

Who do you have in your friendship circles? Do you have an open space in the circle for new relationships? Are you maintaining your existing friendships? Perhaps a note or phone call during this Christmas season would be the best gift you could give them.

John 3:16 a says, "For God so loved the world, that he GAVE..." What are you giving this Christmas season?

Going WAY Back

Tonight while looking for a certain size box, I dug up a boot box filled with items my Grandma Mary had saved through the years from our family. I smiled with delight as I saw childhood photos of my Dad and read letters he wrote Grandma while in the Army. She saved newspaper clippings whenever someone from my family made the paper. In a town of 4,000 there were plenty of slow news weeks, so we made the news a lot! I recalled events and occasions I had forgotten all about and learned new things that were not discussed in front of me as a child (or I was too busy to notice).

I always get nostalgic this time of year. I'll be turning another year older in a couple of days. That probably has something to do with the trips down memory lane. And the holidays inspire my most homesick feelings. Rather than try to ignore my feelings, I allow myself to become immersed in the quilt of love pieced from the scraps of childhood memories.

I'll try to type up some of the things I read, and if I get very creative (and plug in some extra smarts) I will try to scan in some photos to share as well. Come back for more!

A Target on My Head

The last few weeks have been crazy-weird. I say that because, if I were to inventory some of the freaky facts, I would think I have a target on my head or something. Instead, I'm more worried about the target on my heart. Do my reactions and responses glorify my Creator and Savior, my Heavenly Father and Friend? Do I give in to parties of pity or do I celebrate small blessings? All of these answers determine my outlook and my UPlook.

Here's a look back, recorded here for a laugh later on:

• I've been having lots of sinus and lung problems, and I was back for my third visit to the doctor. Only one problem. The wrong doctor walked in to take care of me. She didn't know my case and she missed the mark with her assistance. I asked the office what the policy was on swapping doctors like that-because I saw my own doctor in the hall. I felt like I was in a Twilight Zone episode! The office manager called me and apologized-asked me to come back in to see the right doctor. It was office error.

• Dr. "Right" ordered a high resolution CT scan of my lungs. Of course, the technician had trouble getting the dye into my veins, but eventually I guess something more than my glowing personality lit up the screen!

• Dr. Right's nurse called to say my test results were in, and to confirm I would be at such-and-such phone number so the doctor could call. I'm sure I'm not dying. I never get the "dying" kind of illnesses because that would be too quick. I get the long drawn-out-over-a-lifetime kind of diseases. But you know what? I've quit praying for God to heal me. I've seen Him use my health problems to minister to others and to point others to Him. God showed me the scripture that talks of Paul praying 3 times for his thorn to be removed, and God told him to quit praying for healing, and instead accept the sufficient grace He offers. This taught me that I might not be "all better" until Heaven, but I can have something even better than health right now-God's grace! And I really HAVE found it to be sufficient for my needs.

• Of course-since nothing is simple this month-the doctor didn't call. Instead, her scheduler called to schedule more tests. She didn't know the results of my CT scan. So, I had to wait until a week after my test to get the results. The doctor's assistant called last night. She said the doctor told her to tell me my scan was normal. I asked her if it still showed the autoimmune lung disease that the last one showed-and said that those sorts of things don't normally go away. Then she admitted the report showed some things, but she didn't know how to read the report and was told to say it was normal and that I was to wait and go to the pulmonary function tests. I told her these weren't until the end of the year. So now I'm wondering what the CT report actually said. I've had doctors say a test is normal because they don't know what to look for with my rare things-so if it isn't something that they were looking for, or if it doesn't just glare at them on the page, they say "normal." Then I take the same scan or report elsewhere, and they think something big/bad is brewing in there.

So, I guess I should be glad it is "normal" but there is a part of me scratching my head thinking-how did that happen? I also know that some calcified granulomas (little rocks of old infection or inflammation which aren't harmful, but are usually noted as a finding) should have shown up-those don't disappear either.

I'm beginning to think the comedienne was right when she said that NORMAL is just a setting on the washing machine. No one is normal. I'm used to MY normal. It works for me, but I'm sure it would be quite ABnormal to someone else!

I know not to borrow trouble from tomorrow. That is why I stay in the Word and also stay busy. Keeps my mind occupied with the good stuff. So I don't mean to sound like a faithless woman when I say I wonder what the report REALLY said. It's just that with my history, it seems like normal is a foreign word. I've learned not to trust it. I've learned to trust my gut instead. Especially since this assistant has twice acted like there is something on the report, but she isn't authorized to tell me anything other than what the doctor tells her to say. (I realize that is policy-but she did indicate the report had "something.")

•And of course, not to be outdone, other parts of my body have been getting jealous of all the attention. Part of my nerve-damage work-up this year has been regarding my bladder issues. Of course, the doctor couldn't find just one thing wrong. He found three things wrong-all different. So, I'm looking at more surgery (suburethral sling). It might as well happen this year while the deductibles are met-if they can clear me for surgery. I might as well get all the yucky stuff over in 2006, so that 2007 can be over-the-top amazing without these little inconveniences to weigh me down. After surgery they can address the other two bladder issues.

• My sugar levels decided to go high last weekend, thanks to the tapered prednisone steroid dose. 274 high! Numbers that high do not do a body good (to borrow the milk slogan). This is the second time this has happened with prednisone-so now we know this form of steroid does not work well with my system. Prednisone out-and numbers went down. But I had another "episode" making me think my sugar was high and I checked it. It was at 202 with no steroids, and my fasting blood glucose today was 186. Not good! Especially considering I was careful with my diet this week.

Stress can affect it, as can obesity. I am the poster child for both! And from what I understand, even when you attempt to manage the stress well (venting, meditation, Bible reading, praying, bubble baths, journaling, etc) that the things that are stress inducers can still cause the levels to be high. So, unless I can heal myself and create a hassle-free ministry for Russ and have only perfect relationships and...and...and...I will have stress for a while! I still need to deal well with the stress (helps my blood pressure) but it doesn't always help sugar levels (because they are affected more from the adrenaline response that is triggered by the stressor itself).

I hate this! I told my doctor last week that I was sick of doctors and I just don't want to go anymore. But I know it would not be smart to ignore this. God expects me to be a good steward of my health-it is part of what He entrusted to me. But if it weren't for that, I'd love to go on a doctor strike. Maybe by the time Lent rolls around I can claim "no doctors" for what I'm giving up for Lent (that's funny since most Baptists don't participate in Lent). haha!

• There are non-health related "freaky findings" too. Jazzy's losing her hair. Russ is pulling his hair out with ministry stress. Our car developed a HOLE in the battery, and wouldn't start when Russ needed to be to church early last Sunday morning. I was hurt by a friend who disrespected and rejected me rather than communicate. Christmas cantata is coming and I'm married to the "music man."

But I learned a long time ago that it isn't the trials in my life that define me or defy me. Only my reactions to the trials can do that. I haven't arrived, but I'm working on it!

NOVEL LOOK AT MOTHERHOOD

(An Interview with Kim Stuart)


Take one twenty-nine-year-old woman, add a career, add a husband, add a home, toss in a best friend, and you have a great life.

Add a baby. Not a problem. Still can do.

Add a seductive ex-boyfriend moving a few houses over. Hmmm, a little more complicated, but managing.

Add a blonde twenty-something ski bunny flirting with your husband. Uh-oh. Did we mention the postpartum body? Somebody press the panic button.

Pile on returning to work after maternity leave, and sprinkle in a nosey Mommies Group . . .

And you've got a Balancing Act--a hilarious look at the challenges faced by modern women as they juggle careers, marriage, and children.

+ What inspired you to write Balancing Act?

I was neck-deep in the throes of motherhood and found it could make me laugh until I made unfortunate snorting noises, cry until I needed to breathe into a paper bag, and hang my outgrown roots in forced humility, and all before nine a.m.

+ I wanted to write a story that would acknowledge both the chaos and the blessing, the euphoria and the nagging doubts involved in mothering a child.

More than anything, I wanted to write a story with authentic, achingly real characters who struggled with faith and morality as well as sleep schedules and diaper rash. I figured if I could imagine my friends becoming engaged with the story, I was on the right track.

+ Is it true you wrote this novel while pregnant? What was that like?

I was four months pregnant when I attended a writers’ conference and received some very positive feedback from an editor at NavPress. She encouraged me to send my manuscript to Nav’s fiction line when I got a chance.

My “manuscript” at that time was around three thousand words, the very rough beginning of Balancing Act. I found an expanding uterus to be like my own private motivational speech. It was a fixed deadline, so to speak, and I like deadlines. So each afternoon, while my two-year-old napped, I’d waddle over to my laptop and crank out my thousand words. God is good, I finished the book, and my water broke, in that order.

+ Experiencing mommy-hood for the second time, did you go back and make revisions?

My son, who just turned one, is very different from my daughter, who is now four. Mitchell wants me with him, wants to cuddle, and thinks I’m a rock star even with morning breath. Ana, however, is very independent, cuddles only when feverish, and minces no words regarding morning breath. So I feel like I’m revising all the time, trying to keep up with their very different needs and personalities. My most major revision, however, has been throwing out Neurotic Kim and going for a more laid-back approach out of necessity. Funny how four years of parenting does that to a girl.

+ Did you use true-life stories in your novel? Can you give us an example?

While Balancing Act is absolutely a work of fiction, there are threads of my own experience woven throughout. Nora, the baby in the book, is loosely patterned after my daughter, Ana. She gets to talking in the sequel, Bottom Line, set to release in May. I see a lot of Ana in that part of Nora’s story.

The protagonist, Heidi Elliott, certainly has my sense of humor. Like Heidi, I taught high school Spanish. Like Heidi, I identify with the tightrope walk of a woman living in this century. I know the chaos of working, mothering, wife-ing, and trying to be plain old me, for crying out loud. And like Heidi, I’ve had a certain amount of distrust for church-run women’s groups, always fearing they’ll make me quilt or something.

But I’ve assured my family that unlike what occurs in the book, there are no skanky dealings in my marriage, that I don’t know any well-endowed heiresses, and that none of my relatives are represented in the characters. Well, that last part isn’t entirely true, but you’ll have to wait to read my posthumous memoirs to get the full scoop.

+ How do you balance motherhood and writing?

It isn’t pretty, I’ll tell you that much. Far easier to make up a story about the balancing act than to actually do it well oneself. I’ve been known to type while my son drools on my big toe and my daughter screams the soundtrack to “Little Mermaid” in the background. This system does not seem to reap the most productive writing moments. So I have help. God has always turned out to be sufficient when I let Him. My mother, bless her, and my babysitter, Ashley, bless her too, help me out for a couple hours each day so I can write. My husband is a fantastic human being who assumes I can conquer the world and should. My friendships keep me above the surface just when I think I’ll sink.

And on grace-drenched days, there’s always naptime.

Author Bio: After teaching Spanish and English as a Second Language, Kimberly Stuart took a huge increase in pay to stay at home full time with her daughter, Ana. She lives in Des Moines, IA. While writing Balancing Act, Kimberly was pregnant with her second child.

Indulge Me?

Usually when I say "indulge me" it means I hope you will read my opinion on something that might be a little bit outside of the box. But today I'm actually discussing why women need to indulge themselves every so often. Why? Because we tend to (on the whole) put ourselves last as we serve those around us (husband, children, extended family, neighbors, parent groups at school, church family, etc.).

So, if we don't recharge our batteries every so often, we will be no good to anyone else. It is the same concept as when they tell us on the airplane in case of an emergency to put the oxygen mask on ourselves before we assist others.

Three times a year I host 3 larger ladies events for our church. One is a Mother-Daughter Tea, another is a Friendship Tea with special pampering, and the third is a Spa Retreat with seminars and spa treatments. Total pampering! Why? Not because we deserve it because, as Christians I don't see that we are "good enough" to deserve anything-we have no rights, and are just blessed because of Jesus in our lives. But we do NEED to be pampered. And I'm all about filling needs.

A couple of weeks ago I went to a Spa/Beauty school in Cincinnati with a friend and had a spa manicure. Totally different than my home manicures. I received a hot stone massage of the hands and arms and a variety of other spa treats for the hands. For $17 (and no tips allowed) I felt like queen for the day.

Today I went to a tea room with some friends to celebrate our December birthdays. The 45-minute drive to the tea room was a nice time to escape into my thoughts and enjoy the radio. The meal was nice, but having someone else serve me was even nicer! I tend to overdo it during the holiday season, so by setting aside time to be pampered, I'm preserving my sanity, and passing on that stable mental health to those I'm around. Stress relievers at their best!

For those who love to hear about tea rooms, this one is called Country Manor. The owner converted her 2 car garage into the tea room. She cleverly disguised the garage doors and tracks with lattice and wrapped decorative cloth around the garage door openers. She has 4 tables set for 8. The walls are filled with shelves of tea themed gifts. Two tables were playing cards before eating-perhaps cribbage. We had a 10 year old at our table, and she was given a scrunchy, fluffy teddy bear by the owner. The rest of us were given Victorian Style calendars for 2006.

The menu: Butternut Squash Bisque with a dollop of sour cream; chicken/cranberry salad served over a bed of lettuce, with a menu cheese muffin; cranberry scone with variety of 3 spreads; some sort of yellow layer cake with raspberry filling. Deejarling tea was served in a tea pot with tea cozy, served with white and brown sugar cubes.

Sometimes, my pampering time is a bubble bath or curling up with a good book. Other times it is lighting a candle in my favorite scent and listening to good music.

What is your pamper of choice? Indulge. It just might be the best gift you can give those around you. When you are calm and at peace, it has a beneficial effect on others, as well as you.

Nostalgic Christmas

Definition of Nostalgia
1 : the state of being homesick
2 : a wistful or excessively sentimental yearning for return to or of some past period or irrecoverable condition; also: something that evokes nostalgia

Every year, around this time, I become nostalgic. It has something to do with the fact that I live away from my childhood home as well as far from all my family. One of the ways I turn my homesickness into a holiday celebration is to enjoy fond memories.

This year I have a bonus. My high school class held its 25th class reunion. I was unable to attend, but I still feel connected because my classmates have enjoyed group e-mail since then. Exchanging photos makes me almost feel like I am there with them. I impressed myself by being able to identify each person in a group picture from a class gathering. Yes, faces and figures have changed, but their essences are still the same.

Many women who have experienced weight gain like me are hesitant to attend their class reunions. They assume everyone else has stayed the same and they are the only ones who have changed. But guess what? Life happens to all of us, as worries and concerns mature our once-taunt skin and gravity changes our waistline into a wasteland. Some of the late bloomers look more gorgeous today than ever before, but the rest of us just look...well...older.

What I notice happening with our class now that we are all 40-something is that we have let go of our cliques and we are really bonded in what unites us, our childhood memories. Those things that make us different don't divide us, but make us unique and interesting. No longer do we look for cookie-cutter friends. It's great having a blast from the past, like reuniting with school acquaintances, and finding some that become even closer friends now that our walls of division have come down.

As Christians, we can learn from this example. Rather than only fellowshipping with people we deem acceptable, we should let down our guard and find a common bond. If we are all following Jesus, won't we find ourselves on the same path? Let's all fellowship on that journey. What better Christmas present to give our Lord, for Him to see His children enjoying each other's company.

Allow yourself to become homesick this holiday. If you follow the star of Bethlehem, you will find your way Home again.

Thanksgiving Blessing List for Year

If I was sitting at the Thanksgiving table, and I could stop time so that the others wouldn't be mad at me for "yam"mering on and on about my blessings for the year, here would be a few of the big ones for which I'm grateful:

+ My soulmate, Russ. I can't imagine life without him.
+ Renewed relationships with my aunts-they have been amazing to me this year-nurturing!
+ An opportunity to grow closer to my Lord in the quiet times, the down times, the low times, the painful times, and yes, during the ELATED times too!
+ The gift of friendships. I am a girl most blessed.
+ A place of service in a variety of ministries at church, with a year of seeing both trials and victories, allowing us to see God's hand more clearly.
+ Getting to sing with our church choir, special music, and the praise team. Music is audio-to-cardio medicine!
+ Three successful big events in the Women's Ministry-a real adrenaline kick!
+ One year of blogging, with the potential to stay in touch better with family and friends.
+ Rediscovering old friendships, some from as far back as my childhood.
+ The bundle of energy and love called Jazzy-one year old this week.
+ The implantation of the spinal cord stimulator-already making the pain more bearable-a true answer to prayer!
+ My freelance jobs (writing and editing) taking off after networking with close friends in the writing business for 3 years.

I really have a lot for which to be thankful this Thanksgiving. Most of all, for my salvation, which started an amazing relationship with the One who made life make sense and have purpose, whose love never ceases to amaze me.

Attitude of Gratitude

(Written 2002)

Thanksgiving Day, as celebrated in the United States, was this week. What a great way to kick off the holiday season leading up to Christmas! One of the greatest reasons of all to give thanks is because we have the gift of Christ from our Heavenly Father. God's unconditional love allowed Him to give up what He held most dear, His perfect Son, to provide for a way of salvation for His created humanity. What better timing then, for Thanksgiving and Christmas to go hand in hand!

When we begin to think about it, we must admit, we are so blessed! Even families enduring great hardships can find something for which to be thankful. In fact, it is an attitude of gratitude which will transform a downcast spirit into a countenance radiating joy. Others may not even realize the trials you are enduring because your shoulders are not burdened down and there is still a spring in your step. Happiness depends on happenings, but joy comes when we focus on all the reasons we have to be grateful.

I know at least two families who read their calendars wrong and celebrated Thanksgiving last week. At first, I laughed at their silly mistake. But then I couldn't help but realize there is nothing wrong with wanting to hurry up Thanksgiving. In fact, it is one holiday that could change our world, if each of us would have an attitude of gratitude all year long.

Just think what a transformation would take place if we were all thankful. We would be thankful for our salvation, so we would tell others about Christ. They would become thankful for the gift and have their own spiritual birthday. We would be grateful for God's provision, and would share our provisions with those in need. We would be thankful for friendships, and would get along better with others. We would appreciate our families more, and would spend more time together. We would be grateful for our jobs, and would become the best employees possible.

Can you see how developing an "attitude of gratitude" could transform our world? It wouldn't just become a positive place to live. It would become a Christ-filled world.

May this Thanksgiving Day start your own gratitude revival!

Deer are Dear!

This morning, I had a treat for breakfast. Not lucky charms. A treat of the visual kind. I looked out our French doors and into our woods and saw a deer. Another deer was frolicking in the field next to the woods. She disappeared into the woods to forage for food. Then not two, not three, but FOUR deer walked in an almost straight line into the field. They started running. It seemed they would run right into traffic, during rush hour. I found myself crying out, "Oh baby, be careful. Don't get hit!" Believe it or not, the head deer, looked both ways and put on the brakes. All the other deer followed suit. Then, a merciful driver slowed down and the deer seemed to know it was safe to run across the road. I wasn't so sure about the driver, but she stopped. Imagine her delight, to watch three deer run right in front of her bumper! I said three deer because the fourth one was stuck in the field, scared to death. The driver waved to the deer to go ahead and join the others. I doubt the deer understood the sign language, but did sense it was safe, and she ran the fastest of all to catch up with the others, playing in a field on the other side of the road. It was an amazing sight.

I didn't take any photos, but I do have a picture of my two "dears" to share with you. This was when Russ and Jazzy were lounging.

Glasswinged Butterfly

These photos are too beautiful not to share. They are taken of a Glasswing Butterfly, which lives in South America.

Obviously, a butterfly such as this, with transparent wings is a rare find. It is said the wings are as delicate as finely blown glass. The wings shine like panes of a stained glass window, in hews of turquoise, orange, green, and red. Enjoy, and glorify the Lord for this beautiful creation.

WARNING: Highly Opinionated-Part Two

Someone wrote me to remind me that while all sin has the same price (which Jesus paid for on the cross), that there are different consequences for different sins. Some sins affect more people than others, and cause more damaging results.

This was my reply:

You brought up a good point. There are different consequences for different sins. I think that is why I'm so burdened about this topic. If there are certain sins that have greater consequences, why do we act more hateful to those individuals? Why do we put up a wall between us rather than reaching out a hand to draw them into our loving guidance to the TRUTH? Why do we preach messages of hate, very similar to messages I hear from prejudiced individuals about someone of a different skin color? I have heard preachers make fun of homosexuals from the pulpit and call them names, and then wonder when the invitation is given why the lesbians in their congregations don't come forward. I've seen people who call homosexuals "those people" in a tone similar to Archie Bunker talking about a different culture or color. I've seen people coordinate boycotts, but they won't take a casserole across the street to the gay couple who have had a setback.

How in the world are we going to reach these beautiful individuals who God created with loving tenderness who have a greater consequence for their choice of sins, if we draw a line between "us" and "them"?

I know there are people who say they have a gay person in their lives, but they still mock them, much like a prejudiced person says they have an African American friend, which somehow seems to allow them to make black jokes and still have a heart.

But to use that same "I have gay friends" statement that some say before they make a gay-bashing joke--I have had gay individuals in my life as long as I can remember. Some of the people I was closest to in my childhood were gay. I can count at least eight before I was 17, in a small town of 4,000. In my adult life it seems the Lord has opened my eyes to the hearts of several others who have chosen the homosexual lifestyle. When a lesbian stayed in my home for a weekend retreat, my heart was so touched by her plight that I have never been the same. She was struggling to find her way in this world, and so open to biblical truths, when given with doses of love and not condemnation.

Some say they could NEVER be a homosexual. Don't be so sure. I have to admit, there but the grace of God go I. What does that mean? If I had not been introduced to a personal relationship with Jesus Christ at an impressionable age, I could have gone down a different path. When diagnosed with a reproductive congenital defect at the age of 17, I'm not sure what I would have done without the peace of Christ that passes all human understanding. I have known many others with the same anomaly who have become lesbian after the diagnosis because of their confused hearts and minds. That could have been me.

A cousin who was as close as an older brother lived a homosexual lifestyle. That wasn't the only thing that defined him as an individual, but I'm sure it was all a gay-hater could see. But if you could get past that, you saw a phenomenal human being. He died at a young age last year about this time, all alone. His passing has caused me to reevaluate many things "religious." Was it a message of hate that drove Mark away from the life in Christ he embraced as a teenager?

I am not condoning any sin. I'm just against treating some sinners as more despicable than other sinners. Since some do face great consequences than others, we should reach out to them with open arms rather than closed fists.

WARNING: Highly Opinionated!

This week Elton John made the news by stating he thinks organized religion should be banned because it has encouraged hatred against homosexuals. I'm not sure what you thought about that statement, but I had three main thoughts rushing through my mind. I know it isn't a feel-good inspirational topic, but perhaps I can share my thoughts in such a way as to build up rather than tear down.

My first thought was a quip I've heard my husband say when someone objects to church because they are against "organized religion." He ponders, "Would you rather have UNorganized religion?" Sir Elton said he likes the teachings of Jesus, but he isn't a fan of Christianity. Isn't Christianity the study of Christ's teachings (perhaps in an ORGANIZED way?).

But if you get past that basic question, I have to acknowledge that Elton John has a valid point. Not the part where he wants to ban religion, but that religion has encouraged us to hate people who aren't like us. I've heard the saying, "hate the sin, love the sinner" but to be honest I've read quite a bit of e-mail that sounds a lot like hate to me.

I believe homosexuality falls into the same category of sins as other sexual sins. Expanding that thought further, no sin is worse than another when it comes to the price. There isn't one sin that is minimal enough to not cost Jesus His life. The unbiblical choices I make each day that cause me to rebel against God and His teachings puts me in the same category as a homosexual or a murderer. It's just easier for people to preach about someone else's sins than their own.

The third thought that came to me when I heard Elton John's quote is the part about religion being banned. The term religion as we know it is a practice of tradition passed down from previous generations, based on a set of doctrines regarding how we view God or god (depending on the religion). I'm guessing those who practice religion probably struggle with hating those who do not live by their set of beliefs. But those who take religion a step further, who live a RELATIONSHIP with Christ, spill out love in the same way He spilled out blood for each one of us. Not condoning the sin, but building trust and respect from those who have different belief systems.

Let's not ban organized religion. Let's ban hate. Let's get off of our spiritual high horses and admit our sins break the heart of God just as much as the sins of others. Maybe that's what the Bible means when it mentions we must get the big ol' sticks of wood out of our own eyes before we can get the splinter out of the eye of the one we want to judge. And maybe then, with a clearer focus, we won't want to pick on the other person at all. We will just want to live a life that reflects Christ.

I'm sorry, Elton John. I'm sorry that you have received a message of hate from pulpits and lecterns. But if you read more from the teachings of Christ which you say you believe, you will see just how much He loves you and wants to draw you to Him. Open arms. Open heart.

my "Bag Lady"

I have to tell you a neat thing that happened at our Fall Friendship Tea. We had a purse theme, and so I wanted to decorate the stage area with handcrafted purses. I contacted about 5 different purse makers, through a google search. Only one said "yes." Guess where I found her? On eBay! So, I invited her to attend as my guest, and bring her handbags to be on display. She brought a baker's rack type shelf unit to display them on. Some of the ladies teased me for inviting a perfect stranger to the Tea. They said she could have been a serial killer or axe murderer or something.

She came early, to set up, and then had to wait over an hour for the Tea to start. I had asked a friend to come early to sit with this special guest, since I would be tending to last minute details, but she hadn't arrived yet. So, this "bag lady" asked if she could help us do anything. Normally I would have been horrified to say "yes" but I know when I go speak somewhere, I'd much rather help out than "sit pretty" at the head table all by my lonesome. So, I took Dixie up on her offer to help. She was a real sweetie, and had a ton of fun being "one of the gals."

The Tea went great (yay)! And after the Tea, Dixie and I were saying good-bye. She asked, "can I have a hug?" I told her I was a hugger, and we hugged like we were long lost friends! She said the Tea had blessed her heart sooooo much, and she was glad she came.

Now how cool is THAT?

For Novelists

Are you a novelist? I just ran across two new services offered by Glass Road Public Relations. You might want to check them out.

#1-Speakers' Bureau. What? Fiction writers speak too? You bet! The bureau will help you come up with great themes and will actively pursue events for you. They coordinate deals with bookstores so that you don't have to tote your books to every event, which will drive your sales numbers up (when your purchase books to sell, they do not go towards your sales number).

#2-Blog tours. Blog tours are offered with the full PR package. The numbers show that sales go up with a successful blog tour. Now GRPR offers a blog tour package for those who don't want the complete PR package. They work with over 100 bloggers to coordinate tours for you. These include book reviews on blog sites, book giveaways, and author interviews.

If you (or someone you know) might be interested in either of these two new services, check them out at the following website:
http://glassroadpr.com/

Hope this helps someone out there!
Kathy
++++
Kathy Carlton Willis
Living Out Loud Communications & Manuscript Editorial Services
WillisWay@aol.com

Gratitude List

I'm grateful for:

-Music. It changes my spirit within seconds-what power to uplift and energize! And I'm one of those gals who cranks up my radio in the car. I sing along too. You probably saw me looking really goofy at the stop light!

-A possible job. The PR firm who was considering me for a potential publicist position, was so pleased with my work that they want me to head up their new division-a speakers' bureau for novelists. If I take the job, I will work with fiction writers who also speak, and will possibly be helping coordinate blog tours for writers with a book launch. This is a different job than I originally applied for, but it is something I would LOVE. So now I'm praying about it, and will let them know before the end of the month. Will you pray with me? The note the president of the firm wrote me was a huge day brightener!

-A fuzzy robe. One size fits most fluffy shaped women. That means me whether I was a size 12 or a size 22. This one is special because it was my mother-in-love's until she passed away in 1997. Okay-so maybe it isn't as fuzzy of a robe as it used to be, but it still does the trick!

-A busy week this week. Something every night. That's okay. It means we have friends to visit and places to be where we have purpose. The nights at home are good too. We usually try to go for a balance, but this week we will just have to put it into overdrive and rest when we can grab a few minutes.

-An opportunity to vote. What a great country!

-Great news from a friend. His lung biopsy test came back negative. Woo Hoo!

So much more for which to be grateful. So little space. I'm sure it would fill up all the pages of all the computers in all the houses in the world if we were honest.

Shed Blood

I voted this week. There were no major issues, but I wanted to do my part for my country. I told my husband that there is no other greater duty outside of church to mankind than to vote. I compared it to giving blood. It felt good to wear the "I Voted Today" sticker all day long.

Today I saw on the news that Defense Secretary Donald Rumsfeld stepped down. Politics aside, I hurt for our armed forces. This Saturday is Veteran's Day. Our veterans are willing to sacrifice the ultimate price for our country. All I did was vote. I compared it to donating blood to the Red Cross. But they shed their blood to protect our country and to keep the wars away from our soil. They leave all they know and love to do their civic duty. I will highly respect our military. I'm grateful for our veterans because they risked their lives for me and others, perfect strangers.

Our Lord and Savior Jesus Christ paid the ultimate price. He suffered and died, an innocent man, for a crime he did not commit, to pay the price for a people who may or may not accept this gift of love. Veterans often feel unappreciated and misunderstood. I imagine our Lord has felt the same way. In fact, in Luke 17:11-19, it is documented that Jesus healed ten lepers. One (a Samaritan) glorified God, and fell down on his face at Jesus' feet and gave Him thanks. Jesus answered, "Were there not ten cleansed? but where are the nine? There are not found that returned to give glory to God, save this stranger. And he said unto him, Arise, go thy way; thy faith hath made thee whole."

Jesus understands what veterans feel like for others to take them for granted. This week of our Thanksgiving month, let's focus our gratitude on our veterans who volunteer their blood for our freedom. And, like the one Samaritan, let us also fall at the feet of our Savior and give God the glory with our gratitude and thanksgiving.

It Went Well!

Thanks to those of you who prayed for me as I made a guest appearance to the Dancing Word Writers Network chat room discussion last night. We had somewhere between 8-15 writers (I didn't count). The format was excellent. The moderator prayed and then they had a specific protocol for the chatters to ask questions or make comments. The moderator would then call on them by name when it was their turn. That way we didn't have 5 conversations going on at once.

Most of the writers wanted to know how to break into the business, so I hope I had helpful advice for them. The dancingword.net archives will feature the manuscript of the chat, once they have been transcribed. I'll let you know when that happens. And soon, I've had several ask for my ideas, so soon this blog will also feature some my basic recommendations for beginning writers, to help you launch into the world of writing.

Two of my friends from the Baptist Bible Fellowship International e-list came to the chat. One told me as soon as I entered the chat room that she was there. The other hid under another name and told me after. Shame on you Pat! Actually-I was sooo glad each of them was there. Nice to have support!

Come Support Me!

In the Dancing Word Writers Network newsletter, Annie McDonald issued the following invitation. I'd like to invite you to attend this chat to give me your support:

Are you wanting to take that next step in your writing career? Do you wish you had more inside information on how to get published? Join writing coach, Kathy Carlton Willis this Friday, November 3rd, beginning at 9 p.m. Eastern/6 p.m. Pacific in the Dancing Word Chat Room.

Participants are encourage to bring questions regarding:

-what a writer's coach can do for you
-copy editing (how to polish your piece-grammar, style, punctuation, usage)
-finding work as a freelancer
-how to find markets for your work
-how to be your own publicist
-the good, the bad, and the ugly about online critique groups
-how to write your own bio
-how to write a query letter
-how to write a book proposal

To join the chat, go to www.dancingword.net/chatroom.htm This will take you to a new window. Once it has loaded, follow the directions to enter the chat room. If this is your first time to the chat, it is recommend that you do a practice run a few hours prior to the chat.

Those who cannot use the java program will need to use the central chat mIRC program. Go to: http://www.centralchat.net/ccmircxpress/download.php and save the software to your desktop. Then get offline, disable your antivirus software and install mIRC. Reenable your antivirus software.

To enter the chat room, start the mIRC program and follow the directions, then type in /join #dancingword.

Be sure to test out the program several hours before the chat so if you have problems, you will have time to fix them.

If you have difficulties with the chat room, please contact me at dancingword@gmail.com.

Too Much!

TOO MUCH!

It's just too much! Too much pain, too much suffering, too much confusion. Between several of my friends, there is just too much bad stuff going on. How does God expect us to cope when times are so bad? One of my closest friends died of cancer this year at age 50 and now another one age 52 is being tested for a suspicious lung lesion. Another friend has had such a terrible time at work that she says she is rehearsing her "I quit" speech, just in case she is pushed to her breaking point. And yet another friend is so overwhelmed by all the demands in her life that she says she can't take one more thing.

Isn't it odd how we tell God when things get to be too much-as in too much negative, but we never tell Him when things are just "too good"? With our soured perspectives, do we ever even see things as God blessing us too much? Do we ever ask Him to take some blessings back because we just can't handle it? I doubt it!

One of the things I started doing a few years ago was a gratitude list. At least twice a week I type out some things for which I am grateful. Russ has been teasing me about how often I exclaim the beauty of the autumn colors. I told him today that I seriously doubt God gets tired of hearing us praise Him for the beauty of His creation. Never does He say "too much."

What are you thankful for today? Can you make a list?

I make it a point not to just be thankful for the big things. By being grateful for the small things, I can develop an "attitude of gratitude" no matter what the big bad wolf has brought my way. Today, my list for the week includes:

• medical treatments that make me feel so much better.
• a conversation with a friend who "gets it."
• the splurge of a hired housekeeping team once every other week.
• sunshine hitting the autumn colored trees.
• a doting husband who helps me with the little things.
• a request to help compile and edit a book for a missions project.
• Pepsi over crushed ice with a straw before NOON!

See how throwing a simple thing in your gratitude list makes you smile? This month, the month we celebrate thanksgiving, rehearse your gratitude to the Lord. Gratitude lists magnify the positive and diminish the negative in my life. May the same be true for you.

"Let us come before his presence with thanksgiving, and make a joyful noise unto him with psalms." ~Psalm 95:2

Dancing Word Interviews Me

Earlier in the year, I was invited to be interviewed during an online chat, by writers and those who want to be in the writing industry. They scheduled me for November. November is here, and now it is time to prepare for the chat-it will be this Friday-November 3rd at 9 p.m. EST. If you are curious-you can go to the site to see the ad for it, and you are welcome to attend the chat. It is easy and free.

dancingword.net

I am a writer's coach, and we will be discussing all things relevant to the writing industry. Examples of topics to be covered: query letters, book proposals, copy editing, finding writing opportunities, online writers' groups and critique groups, marketing, and public relations.

Please pray that I can help the ones who sign up for the chat. Also pray that there will be no technical difficulties.

ROOTED IN CONTENTMENT

Jazzy is chewing on a 15-inch root as we speak. Yes, a root. My almost one-year-old Boston Terrier thinks she is Yule Gibbons or something when it comes to eating nature snacks. I looked at the root, and my first thought was, "Oh, I long to be rooted!"

To those of you who have lived in the same place your entire life, perhaps you don't understand that desire. Let me explain. My first 18 years, I lived in the same home. From that time, until now, 25 years later (and please don't do the math!), I have lived in 20 dwelling places. TWENTY! That amounts to eight towns and six states. No wonder I yearn for roots!

I desire to never write another change of address card again! My friends who grew up moving with military don't understand that. They are happy with a move at least every 3-5 years. And perhaps gypsies never lose that wandering gene. But for the most part, God placed a longing for stability in the hearts of his children. When the Hebrews wandered in the desert for forty years, they moaned and complained. I imagine that is where the phrase "Are we there yet?" came to be! With the world changing around us, we want HOME to stay the same.

God places a longing for roots in our very being. Psalm 1:3 says, "And he shall be like a tree planted by the rivers of water, that bringeth forth his fruit in his season; his leaf also shall not wither; and whatsoever he doeth shall prosper." May I be planted in the Bible, God's Holy Word, so that I can get all the nutrients I need from the good soil and water, to be fruitful in producing what God wants in my life.

But I also realize what Paul said in Philippians 4: 11, "Not that I speak in respect of want: for I have learned, in whatsoever state I am, therewith to be content."

I'm very sure Paul wasn't speaking of states of the union, since America had not even been discovered yet, but it can apply to me being content no matter what state I live in. But more importantly it tells me that no matter what God allows to come into my life, even if it doesn't involve roots, I can learn to be content. My joy comes from God's grace, not from my circumstances.

If I'm honest, I'd much rather be rooted in Him, than in some street address. May I be rooted in contentment-the very best location to be.

Broken

BROKEN

I was watching a movie the other day, and a quote really stuck in my mind. The character said something like, "Sometimes things need to stay broken. It's not up to you to fix everything. Your job is to let it stay broken for now."

That struck a chord with me because I'm a chronic fixer. If I see something that's not right, I try to solve the problem and make things okay. If someone has a relationship problem, I become the mediator. If there are conflicts, I take on the role of peacemaker. If someone has a physical need, I am the self-appointed provider to meet that need.

All of that sounds good until I realize that I often jump ahead of God and just "fix" something without asking God if it is my job to repair it. That movie showed me that sometimes we learn more through the brokenness than we do when things are A-okay.

I heard myself saying the other day, "but I just don't want to see them suffer." And another Christian reminded me that the Bible speaks about suffering as if it is something with which the believer becomes greatly acquainted during his life journey. Suffering sometimes delivers a testimony of God's grace, and sometimes it is a schoolmaster of what is important to God. We learn better through suffering, about the heart of God, than we do when things are hunky-dory. And we communicate more with God when we are in a broken place in our lives. So, it's okay for some things to stay broken for a while. It's not my job to fix everything. Only God can mend the wounds of a broken heart.

The words of David Meece's song, "Brokenness" penetrates my soul. I pray his lyrics ministers to you as well.

"In my brokenness ~ In my hour of darkness
~ I will lift my hands ~ And worship You

~ In my brokenness ~ In my time of sadness
~ I will lift my voice ~ And praise to You

~ Time stands still ~ As I kneel down before You
~ Life draws near ~ Like waves upon the shore

~ You touch me ~ In my brokenness
~ In these whispering shadows ~ I will lift the pieces ~
Of my heart to You."

Make Your Requests Known

When our meal planner gave us the list of who was bringing meals, we noticed the name of a Brazilian woman-Carla. Russ and I talked about it, and wondered if it would be rude to hint that we would LOVE a Brazilian meal.

So, Russ handled it very delicately. He went up to her and said, "Hey, Carla, a little birdy tells me you might be bringing a meal over this week. Is that right?"

She smiled and said in her broken English, "I make lassagna for you!"

He sort of got a pouty lip and said, "Oh Carla, no Brazillian food for us?"

Her eyes lit up, her posture straighted with excitement, and she said "You wish I make recipe from Brazil?"

Russ said, "Yes! Yes! Please. Anyone can make lassagna, but only you can make an authentic Brazilian dish in our church."

So, Wednesday, Carla brought over Feijoada. This is a black bean dish that has ham, bacon, and sausage in it. Very tasty. She brought over yucca flour called manioc flour or farofa and instructed me to sprinkle some over the Feijoada to thicken it. She also brought white rice and collard greens, which is how the meal is traditionally served.

It was delicious. We're so glad we decided to speak up and make our request known. Otherwise it would have just been one more Italian dish. Instead we were transported to Brazil—if only through our tastebuds.

Fall or Winter?

Earlier this week, I took photos of the trees in our woods. They were just starting to turn colors. I planned to take photos every few days to show the progression of color.

There's only one problem.

Last evening, the rains and wind came, darting towards our home at some unnatural angle. I looked outside and exclaimed,"It's raining LEAVES!" No fooling, the leaves just blew off the trees.

Today, I woke up to freezing cold temperatures. At 9:00 a.m. it was only 34 degrees outside. I called Russ and asked him if I could turn on the heat because our thermostat said it was only 64 degrees inside! He laughed to think I would call to get "permission" but of course I was mainly asking because I wasn't sure if our system had been winterized yet. Imagine my good fortune when he said I could turn on the heat!

I looked outside, and one of my trees is almost "naked." The other trees have a few more leaves, but I can kiss goodbye any dreams of photographing the progressive colorization process. It's not Fall today, it's Winter!

Oscar or Felix?

Do you remember The Odd Couple? Oscar Madison and Felix Ungar shared an apartment. Oscar was messy, unorganized, and laid back. Felix was neat, regimented, and probably would be diagnosed with Obsessive Compulsive Disorder in 2006. It's amazing these two got along so well. Have you ever wondered how they could be such good friends when they were so different from each other? Perhaps it is because deep down, if you removed all their differences, they both had the same good heart.

I have certain characteristic traits similar to Oscar and Felix. I'm normally organized and professional when it comes to work and church projects and love to dress sharp. But I'm sloppy at home, even when I have the best intentions. Are you more of a Felix or an Oscar? How does your temperament help or hinder your relationships?

When it comes to reading the Bible, are you more like Oscar or Felix? When Oscars look for wisdom in the Bible, they use the magic verse technique. Perhaps you are familiar with this. Oscars flip open the Bible to any page, close their eyes and point to a verse. This is their verse for the day and they claim it for any circumstance that comes their way. Oscar types are tempted to procrastinate reading the Bible.

Felixes have a systematic, organized technique for reading their Bibles. Perhaps they read through the Bible in a year, or use a special Bible Study book, or some other routine reading schedule. Felix types are more disciplined, and read the Bible before there is a felt-need for biblical direction or advice.

Obviously there are no wrong techniques for Bible reading. God's just glad you want to hear His voice via the Word. When you open the Bible you are inviting God to speak to you. You learn His heart, and grow more like Him. The more a child spends time with his father, the more he becomes LIKE his father. That happens to us when we spend time with our Heavenly Father in His Word.

Are you an Oscar or a Felix? No matter what your personality type, the Bible can become a part of your life.

Wishing On Dandelions

Enjoy this author interview.

Book: Wishing on Dandelions

Author: Mary E. DeMuth

• This book deals with difficult subject matter: childhood sexual abuse and its residual affects. How did this book emerge?

My passion is to write about redemption through the avenue of story. I started the first book, Watching the Tree Limbs, in a flurry. In my mind I saw the streets of Burl and a girl who didn’t know where she came from. Because my personal story involves different instances of sexual abuse, I wanted to write a story that showed the reader how God could intersect an abuse-victim’s life and make a difference.

• So, are you Maranatha?

In some ways yes, some no. Like Maranatha, I felt like God had transformed my life in such a radical way (like her name change from Mara—bitter—to Maranatha—Come Lord Jesus). Like Maranatha, I endured sexual abuse, but I was much younger when it happened. Like Maranatha, I wondered if I had been marked, that every sexual predator could “tell” I was a ready victim. I wrestled through relationships in my teens with Maranatha’s twin feelings of revulsion and attraction. But, she is not me in many other ways. She is more independent. She has no parents. She lives in an entirely different culture. She is less ambitious. She has the privilege of many wiser people to mentor her through life.

• What made you decide to write a love story?

The book didn’t start out in my mind as a love story, but it evolved into it as I continued writing. Characters have that uncanny way of taking your prose and running in all sorts of directions with it. Charlie just kept being faithful. In a sense, I fell in love with him!

• What made you choose East Texas as the setting for both novels?

The South fascinates me. I grew up in the Northwest. When my last child was born, my husband was transferred to East Texas to start a department in a hospital. Because I was a stay-at-home mom and home schooling, I didn’t have much else to do there except to observe small town southern culture. Because I didn’t grow up in that culture, my senses were heightened and I eventually began to really appreciate the differences.

• Childhood sexual abuse is not talked about very often, and seldom covered in novels. What made you decide to write about it?

For that very reason. The more victims are quiet, the less healing they will receive. The more we talk about it, bringing heinous acts to the light, the better able we are to know we are not alone. I wrote this book so other abuse victims would feel validated and heard. And to offer hope.

• Why do you end your books with hope?

Because hope is essential to Jesus’ Gospel. Even when things are bleak, there is always hope—if not in this life, then in the next. I’m not interested, however, in presenting hope in a superfluous way. I don’t want to tie up every story thread neatly. The truth is, life is tragic and difficult and bewildering, but God intersects that life and brings hope.

• Have you always wanted to write?

Yes. Since my second grade teacher told my mother that she thought I was a creative writer, I’ve wanted to write. I kept a diary since the sixth grade. Though I was an English major, I didn’t start writing seriously until my first daughter was born. I wrote for ten years in obscurity before my writing career took a turn for the better.

• Who are your literary heroes?

I love Harper Lee. I only wish she’d written more. Leif Enger, who wrote Peace Like a River, greatly inspired me to write visually and artistically. I love Sue Monk Kidd’s Secret Life of Bees, how you could almost taste her characters. I’m fascinated and intimidated by J.R.R. Tolkein—how he managed to create an entire world with several languages is way beyond my literary prowess.

• What do you want your reader to take away from Wishing on Dandelions?

That redemption of a broken life takes time. We’re all on a journey of healing. Sometimes it’s slow going, but if we can endure through the dark times, God will bring us to new places of growth. I want the images and characters to stay with a reader for a long time.

Autumn Reminiscence

Shades of yellow, gold and orange splashed across the hillsides. Air crisp as a saltine crackers filled the lungs of life-breathers; deeply inhaling the scents of Fall. Trail walkers crunched across the rice krispy paths carpeted with fallen leaves and twigs. Fathers and sons stuffed duffle bags with indulgent snacks and camping gear for their annual deer hunt. Cinnamon smells wafted from the kitchen — laced in apple cobblers and nut breads. Harvesters emptied fields of Earth's bounty, leaving behind the barren fertile soil filled with hopes and dreams of next year's crop. Cider mills produced liquid gold, chilled to perfection. Spotless apples saved for caramel or candied treats. Leaf forts raked to the curb and ignited into smoldering mounds; smoke signals sending Morse code messages. "Hello. Good-bye. Fall has come. Fall has gone. Day is done."

As you have probably guessed, I have fond memories of autumn. I've lived in areas of the country where Fall was absent from the seasonal calendar. The Gulf of Mexico has its own subtropical beauty. The desert of New Mexico had its wide-open grandeur. But neither has Fall. Their loss. It's not just the scenes of autumn, but the smells and moods of autumn that speak to hearts.

No matter where you live, allow this time of year to remind you of how blessed we are with God's creation. He gifted us with this beautiful world to enjoy. It sustains us physically, and gives us what we need emotionally, mentally and spiritually as well. Pick up a leaf, and you will notice some points on each side, and a point at the top of the leaf. This tells me I need to look to each other and to my surroundings for fellowship, but most of all I am pointed to my Heavenly Father (at the top).

Take time to breath in God's bounty before Winter comes.