Barb Graduated

So many have written me to say they are praying for my friend Barb that I wanted to write to let you know she passed away during the night, about 1:00 a.m.

She coded again last evening (Monday night) and afterward she was nonresponsive, her pupils did not respond to light. The doctors explained that the ventilator and medications were the only thing keeping her alive. Around 10 p.m. the equipment and medicines were removed, and she passed away about 3 hours later. It was the toughest decision the family ever had to make. We didn't know they had disconnected the equipment, and went to bed thinking someone would call us when the end was near. We had 3 phones by our bed (my cell, Russ's cell, and our home phone). This should show you how eager we were to know whatever news was going on.

We did not hear about it until this morning. I had an appointment scheduled for an MRI near the hospital. After the test, we went to the hospital to visit with the family again and to check in on Barb. We didn't know the equipment had been removed. You can imagine our heartache as we searched waiting room after waiting room to find the family, and they were nowhere to be found. I was starting to feel frantic, wanting to see a face I recognized. None were to be found. Our gut told us what our heart didn't want to hear. We asked information for help, and they were unsure of Barb's location. Then we called the operator, and she said Barb was not listed as a patient. Our hearts sank. Then Russ called Pastor and confirmed the information I just shared with you above.

I have to admit to you that it was hard not to hear the news when it happened. Finding out by basically seeing and empty hospital bed (figuratively speaking) is no way to find out. We are used to pastoring when we are called right away, and being a staff position is hard when it comes to things like this and we don't get called, especially since we have been there so much with the family. The grieving husband felt HORRIBLE when he found out we weren't called-he thought someone else was going to let us know. These things happen. So, that meant our people didn't find out until later this morning, because I'm the contact person for getting the prayer chain going. But our pastor was with Greg when Barb passed away, so that was the important thing. They have attended that church with Pastor as their pastor for about 32 years.

We went to visit with Greg as soon as we heard this morning, and he is doing as well as can be expected, staying busy with plans and getting stuff together. He said they had a good time together as family last night remembering some special things about Barb, and he wants us all to focus on our memories for her rather than our pain at her passing. They were meeting as a family at 11:00 to talk about details for the funeral, and then with the funeral home later today.

Thank you again for praying. Barb is no longer suffering, and that is an answer to prayer, even though we already miss her. Continue to pray for the family during this time of loss.

You all are the BEST at caring and praying!

Dream World

Hum the music to Twilight Zone, and you will have the proper backdrop for what I'm about to write. I don't put a lot of stock into those who evaluate dreams or have New Age type thinking. But I've always had a vivid dream life. Russ, on the other hand, rarely remembers his dreams, and sleeps like a log.

But two night's ago, before Barb was put into the hospital, we both had creepy dreams. Not only did we have them, but at lunch Sunday we could still remember enough about the dreams to tell each other what we dreamt. That is most unusual. Normally we have dream amnesia when we wake up.

I dreamt that I was sick and on a ventilator and Russ was having to make the decision about whether or not to have the vent disconnected. He chose to "unplug" me and released me to whatever might be.

Remember that Twilight Zone music? So weird that I dreamt it, and then less than 24 hours later Greg is having to make decisions about using a ventilator for Barb. (See previous posts to get caught up)

This was not something that we had been discussing. But it was obviously on my mind, in some deep dark corner.

While I was tossing with this personal dream grief, Russ was dreaming more of a horror movie. He said there was this evil ugly being that could cause the death of another just by having the other person look at him. Some thought they were strong enough, or doubted they would die, and looked into the face of this evil ugly being. No person who challenged this entity survived. Russ said he could look at the being if he looked at him through a mirror. Many carried around rear view mirrors just so they could see if this evilness was nearby. I think part of the dream was how to catch the entity and save the world.

I don't interpret dreams. But I can't help but wonder if the entity represented death. Some think they can beat death. They they think are untouchable. But all must face it.

Maybe we both had much more on our minds when we went to bed Saturday night than we realized. We had eaten a normal dinner (no anchovy pizza) with friends and had a light hearted evening of fellowship. But our sleep life made us face what our subconscious was dealing with.

Who knows? Just one of those weird things that makes you scratch your head and move forward-try not to make too much out of it.

How to Feel

I'm lost somewhere between feeling too much, and not feeling at all. My friend, Barb, coded tonight in the E.R. They brought her back, but she is in critical condition, nonresponsive and on a respirator with septicemia and cancer and ???

Something inside of me said, "Go see Barb Saturday" and so we did. I took some cards, and just had a brief visit because she was feeling ill and weak from her first chemo treatment on Wednesday. After we left, she told her sister-in-law, Pam, "I just KNEW they would come today." I'm glad we did! Because tonight at church we heard she was at the E.R. with dehydration, infection, and low blood pressure. We had a special prayer service tonight (which had already been in the works for a couple of weeks, to pray for several things on the hearts of our church family, including Barb). After church we went to Wendy's with our class members, and found out Barb was worse. We rushed to the hospital about 8 p.m. and not even two hours later she had coded and they were administering CPR. More phone calls were made, and before we knew it, there were over 30 of us there.

Russ and I stayed until almost 1 a.m., and by then his contacts were glued to his eyes (he is NOT a night owl). She was stabilized, but still in critical condition. So we came home, but I can't sleep. I can't feel, but I feel too much. I'm numb, but I hurt. My eyes are parched, but they are tear-filled.

How to pray in a time like this? "Father knows best." I don't want Barb to suffer any more, and don't want her to stay here on earth because of our selfish desires for her to be with us. But I don't want her to go, and miss a special friendship. She has a new grandbaby due in the next 3-4 weeks. So much for her to be around for. Fifty is too young.

The woman I saw in the bed tonight wasn't Barb. It was the illness. It was the cancer. It was the fever and the fluid retention. It was some chemo-laced cancer color between yellow and orange. It wasn't Barb. But I've seen great miracles happen. In three days she could be off the ventilator and on the mend. It all depends on how much the cancer has ravaged her body.

So odd, to go from a special prayer service, where we spent the entire hour praying for special needs in groups of prayer topics, to hardly knowing how to pray or what to say. Simple prayers now. Just like taking a breath in and blowing it out.

"God, help us. Help Barb. Help Greg. Be near to the family. Lead and direct the doctors and nurses. Keep her with us just long enough, but take her to you when it is time. Let us not prolong that homegoing, but let us not give up on her if she is still fighting to live." Such a paradox.

Only trusting, trusting only
In the One Who understands
Lead and guide in all things knowing
What is best, Thy will be done.

What A Crazy Week!

I've certainly had a crazy week. I don't normally comment on a lot of personal things going on (diary style) but want to make a few comments because it has a lot to do with my life perspective, and besides, it might somehow encourage someone else!

•I found out one of my editors is no longer with a Web publication I wrote for, and I wasn't sure where I would sell my book reviews. The confusion didn't last long, though. I've already had queries for book reviews accepted by another editor who pays 3 times as much, so this is a biggie for which to be thankful. I've been seeing God work in some really amazing ways to show me I'm on the right path with writing and editing. I also picked up some more editing contracts, and have bids out with several others.

•I was asked to co-moderate a writer's group for advanced and professional writers. This was a big blessing to me, because I thought for sure they would ask me to work with their beginner/intermediate writers group. I want to be a blessing to those in the business. And networking is always a good thing, too! For those of you who belong to the TWV, you know why I'm excited! (I don't want to name drop)

•I went to a physical medicine and rehabilitation doctor today. He says the fibrosis (scar tissue) I have from my previous back surgery is extensive, and is probably not just wrapped around the nerve/nerve root, but actually is inside of it (intraneural fibrosis). He said he believes this is the source of my pain and he has ordered a transforaminal epidural steroid injection under conscious sedation in the outpatient surgery center of Good Samaritan Hospital. We are hopeful a couple of these a year will "make me all better." They have worked well for me before, but my last one (in February) actually made things worse. If the injections ever stop working, or if they start also causing fibrosis, he told me there is a spinal cord stimulator they could implant like a pacemaker that would really help in my case, and also they could implant a pain pump to administer pain medication to the spinal fluid so I wouldn't have to deal with the side effects or oral pain medication. These options would obviously be last resorts. I'm hopeful this injection will work and I'll be back to my ornery self soon.

•This PM&R doc gave me a "two-fer." He told me the pain I'm having in my right calf isn't from the sciatica, but is from the muscle and tendon that connects to the side and back of the knee. He has ordered an MRI and says I might have tendonitis or torn tissue. I thought it was pretty weird to hear my calf pop like a joint does, and even worse to have the pain that goes with the pop. He said the clicking is a classic signtendonitis. I'm.I'm guessing going up and down these stairs all day carrying the dog wasn't a good thing. Oh well-you do what you have to do!

•Speaking of the dog-Jazzy has had an eventful week too. She started having skinny feces and was chasing her tail. The latter was amusing, but she seemed miserable. Then she started scooting her behind on the carpet. I didn't want a dog develop that nasty habit, but then I realized she might be having a problem "down there." So we took her to the vet. She had fecal sac impaction and infection. She also had some other little problems, so she is actually getting medicated ointment in 3 areas, and is also on oral antibiotics. She certainly has had her share of health problems. Nothing like our other pets.

•She couldn't just "get back to normal" though. She just had her glands expressed yesterday, and today she decided to eat our cat's "indoor grass," which the cat must have knocked over. Worse, she ate the special non-dirt "soil" the grass was growing in. It was some sort of pellets that just has to be watered once, then it expands and has a gel and then never needs watered again, for the life of the grass. Well, Jazzy decided to ingest some of that, and she is delivering little packages of pellet laced poop every so often. Good thing she isn't blocked today! (Still trying to find the positive, so forgive me if I'm "reaching.")

•One of my friends prayed for a pregnancy, and we were all praising God when she found out she was expecting. Well, she is still expecting, but just found out her AFP test is positive, giving her a higher probability of having a Down's Syndrome child. Obviously, she is quite concerned about this. She'll have a special 4-D ultrasound next week for this.

My friend and I were talking today and made two observations.

#1-When we get bad news, we have already made plans to see each other that same day. Our date today has been planned for two weeks, and we had no way to know the doc would call her today with this news about her pregnancy. I'm glad we had some "girl" time and she went home feeling better than when she came. The day I found out I was laid off from The Sunday Challenger due to budget cuts, was the same day we had a date to meet them for dinner and then spend the night at their place. Maybe these are just coincidences, but I think God was preparing us to be with just the right person when we needed them. Another Godincidence sighting!

#2-God's grace. Is it just there when we really need it? Or is it there during the waiting period too? Or is the waiting period the time when we are supposed to trust and not worry? Do we really need grace to get through the wait, or just for the strength we need to deal with the "for sures"? Maybe I'm not making sense-it made sense when we were gabbing over Mexican food. We know God doesn't want us to worry and borrow troubles from tomorrow that may never come. So, does His grace help us when we choose to worry anyway (which, we must admit, is sin), or is grace just available in sufficient amounts when something bad has happened and we need it to get through the day? Hmm? I think He always gives us what we need, if we seek it. But if we are worrying, are we really seeking Him? Are we really trusting God? We looked at this from several different perspectives. However it works, we know God is there for us even during the times of uncertainty. Like today for my friend.

What Type of Writer Are You?

You Should Be a Song Writer

You have the ability to evoke emotion, tell a story, and hook someone... In a very small amount of words, perhaps with some deft rhyming. Even if you can't write music, you can sure write compelling lyrics. Lyrics so good, people will have them stuck in their heads!

What Type of Writer Should You Be?

I just took a writer's quiz, and it says I should be a song writer. I'm surprised, but I shouldn't be, considering music has been my life as long as I remember having breath. I've only written one song, and that was years ago. Maybe I should try again.

Family Reunion

Family Reunion

The more homesick a person becomes the sweeter the plans for reuniting with family. I'm not homesick for a place, but for my people. I haven't seen Mom since August of 2004, and for many other family members it's been even longer. Our calendar is filled with dates scratched off for family reunions this year. Some are formal reunions with extended family. Others are more intimate gatherings for just a few. Each event will be special in its own way.

While celebrating Resurrection Sunday this month, I thought about another glad reunion day. How precious it must have been for Jesus to return to His Father. He had suffered many heartaches and afflictions, and had to endure them alone. Jesus' disciples abandoned Him just when He needed them most. Even Christ's Heavenly Father turned His back to Jesus on the cross. Perhaps God the Father had to let Jesus endure it alone, to pay the price for us. Maybe it was just too painful to witness the awful suffering.

Whatever the reason, I'm sure Jesus was elated to return to His Heavenly Home. Christ said He left Earth to prepare a place for us. If it only took God six days to create the universe and everything therein, can you imagine what can be done in two thousand years (and counting...)? Scripture also says that Jesus sits at the right hand of God. But I can't help but wonder if some of the time, since Jesus' ascension, has been spent embracing the Father and enjoying His presence.

I love watching greeting and parting scenes. A lot can be said about a relationship by the body language of a "hello" or a "good-bye." I have a creative imagination, and I can picture in my mind's eye, that when Christ returned to Heaven, He ran into the open arms of His Father. Of course in my mind that happens in slow motion. What a greeting! God shared Christ with us for about thirty-three years, and it must have seemed like an eternity since He had been able to embrace His Son.

And one day, our day will come. When we can run into the arms of God!

What a day of reunion that will be!

Monday Gratitude List

Just when I think it is hard to think of a fresh list, the more I know I NEED
to be thinking about this! Mondays are always rough, so that is why I picked
this day to encourage everyone to think of their own gratitude lists for the
week. I bet Mondays are hard for you too!

So here is my list for the past week:

1. Gas in my tank. Okay, just in my automobile, but SOMETIMES also this means
I had some energy. A power nap almost daily really helps this!
2. A friend who came over to help me do housework on Saturday, and she
wouldn't take payment for it. She plans to come again next week, and she is going to
bring her carpet cleaner too! A big thanks to Marti.
3. I picked up a couple more editing projects this last week. I'm praying God
will help me take in as many of these as I can do well-I enjoy it and it is
good to get paid, too!
4. I got to co-teach with Russ yesterday in Sunday School. We teach a class called HomeBuilders, for ages 35-55 (approximately). We just launched a new series called "Overcoming Overload." I don't always tag-team teach with him, so when we do a series together, it is a privilege to me. Why? Because I absolutely LOVE the chemistry. It gets me all jazzed up to teach together about something with which we are passionate. And I love the connection we make with our class members, too. It was a blessing.
5. I got to sing in a mixed quartet yesterday at church that was phenominal-I'm not saying it as a brag-I'm very HUMBLED to be used in this way-that is why I'm grateful-it was a real GIFT to me! I sang with two of my closest friends, and my husband who IS my closest friend. We sang "Arise My Love" which is a very powerful song. By the last chorus, the entire church was on its feet (over 500 people). And this is a church that is NOT demonstrative during the music, so this was HUGE! It was just that kind of song. And I got to be a part of it. So I'm grateful today!

Decisions, Decisions!

Decisions, decisions. What should I fix for supper? Where should I shop for new shoes? Who should I ask to help me with that project? When should I take vacation this year?

Do any of you wish for a decision-free day? Just one! Then you wouldn't have this conversation:

"Where do you want to go for dinner?"

"I don't know. You decide."

"I don't care. You pick."

"I'll narrow it down to Cracker Barrel, Applebees, or Wendy's. Now you decide."

"None of those sound good today."

Round and round they go, where they will eat, no one knows!

Today when selecting my dinner menu it dawned on me that eventually there will be a decision-free day. Oh the inconceivable joy of Heaven! But until then, God gives us a free will to make our own choices. He didn't design us to be marionettes with strings attached. We aren't the scarecrow bemoaning, "If I only had a brain." We get to choose.

Many of our hundreds of choices will have no eternal consequences. But there are a few spiritual decisions that will matter forever. These are the choices we must consider wisely, and not procrastinate.

Where will you eat your first meal after death? Who will you share the gospel with now, so that you might spend eternity with them later? How will you develop your relationship with God now, so that He isn't a stranger when you meet Him after your last heartbeat? These are the decisions that have merit for concern.

Will you choose now?

Joshua 24:15, "And if it seem evil unto you to serve the LORD, choose you this day whom ye will serve; whether the gods which your fathers served that were on the other side of the flood, or the gods of the Amorites, in whose land ye dwell: but as for me and my house, we will serve the LORD."

American Idol

Last night the contestants sang the American Standards. There were positives about each performance.

Chris-looked great (except for that ascot!). Sang a tender melody which spotlighted his vibrato and his range. Who knew he could sing something so outside of his box? The main beef I had with him, when hearing his song back, was that he sang with more nasal intonation that I care for.

Paris-had a much better look tonight. Classy. Others commented on how great her song was, and it was awesome, but to me, it was a bit safe for her. I thought this would be her night to win, and she didn't, in my "ears."

Taylor-sang a split personality song. The first part was a so/so rendition of Sam Cooke's original, and the last part exploded. Simon called it "magic." Was it magical enough to keep him in out of the bottom three? It depends on the callers.

Elliott-had a great sound, and definitely had fun singing it, but does he have the fan base to keep him safe from the bottom three tonight?

Ace-sported a slicked back baby ponytail, and suit-looked nice. Sounded good too, especially the top part of his range. I enjoyed it, but I'm not sure it will be enough to keep him safe. His fan base has not kept him out of the bottom three. It might be his night to go.

Kellie-looked like a Barbie doll I have from the early 60s (even the dress!). I loved the song she picked, and parts of it were beautiful. Unfortunately, she was pitchy in spots and she rushed ahead of the music for a lot of it. In her words, she "butchered it." For that rendition she deserves to be in the bottom three, but I believe her fan base will come through for her and give her enough votes to be safe.

Katharine-looked like a bombshell, and sounded like one too. She sang one of my all-time favorite songs. But, it seemed she was having a love affair with the close-up camera. Simon said she made the others sound like amateurs. I'm not sure I would go that far, but she really has pipes. If she isn't safe tonight, it's only because her fans let her down.

You Go Girl!

Lou Ellen Dyer was the wrong woman to mess with. Just ask her would-be robber. This 52-year-old grandmother who is more groovy chick than grammy broke all the rules in the book by refusing to hand over her purse. She decided she had worked too hard for her money to hand it over to a no-good lazy thug who would rather rob unsuspecting women at gas stations than get a real job.

The cool thing? I know Lou Ellen personally. She has moxie. We are blessed to have her sing in our choir. Thursday she was causing a new jail bird to sing, and today she was singing "Then Came The Morning" as our spotlighted soloist.

You really must read the rest of the story. I didn't write it, so go to this site to read all about it:

http://news.nky.com/apps/pbcs.dll/article?AID=/c2/20060414/NEWS01/60414001

Favorite Childhood Easter Memories

Here are a few of my favorite Easter memories:

•Dyeing eggs to help the Easter Bunny out. I'll never forget that vinegar smell!

•Dad waiting to cut the grass so that there are some neat tufts of grass to bury the eggs in.

•Waking up Sunday morning to hunt eggs and then to save the eggs for more hunts with friends and family later on. We rarely ate the eggs because we hid them so many times!

•Once or twice I got a store-bought Easter dress and/or bonnet. Often I got hand-me-downs or Mom made my dress. Some years, I'm guessing I just wore a dress already in the closet. Often, the Easter weather did not cooperate and I recall having goose bumps on top of my goose bumps.

•I can't recall any particular foods cooked for Easter. Seems that was usually the first batch of deviled eggs for the year. Maybe Mom used some of our Easter eggs after all!

•Not sure when we "graduated," but in later years, Mom would hide our filled Easter Baskets in the house and we had to find it. I recall under the kitchen sink was a favorite hiding place.

•Dad loved some of the Easter candies so much he was known to "borrow" them from us when we weren't looking. Our folks had their own basket of candies, but his favorite ones (was it the malted milk speckled eggs?) disappeared quickly.

RECIPE: Amish Potato Rolls

Someone just requested my recipe for rolls, to make for Easter. This is my favorite yeast roll recipe. I try others, but always come back to this one. Enjoy!

Amish Potato Rolls

2 cups scalded milk (I use the microwave)
1/2 cup sugar
2 eggs
1 Tbsp. salt
1 cup mashed potatoes (just potatoes mashed, not a recipe of mashed potatoes)
1/2 cup shortening
2 pkgs. yeast, dissolved in 1/2 cup warm water until it "blooms"
8 cups, maybe more, bread flour (or "better for bread" flour)

Pour scalded milk over shortening, sugar, and salt. Add mashed potatoes. Cool to lukewarm. Dissolve yeast in warm water and add to first mixture. Then add eggs and flour. Knead until smooth. Let rise until doubled. Shape into rolls and let rise again. Bake at 350 degrees for 20-25 minutes.

This recipe also makes delicious cinnamon rolls. Follow directions above, then roll out on flat surface, sprinkle with brown sugar and cinnamon. Re-roll, slice and bake as directed. Frost as desired and enjoy.

New Life

NEW LIFE

Remember the Little Kiddles doll from the 1960s-1970s? I owned a few, plus the vinyl house with yard that snapped up to close the house into a case. I enjoyed pretending these Little Kiddles really lived in that little house, and now when I recall that playtime my heart instantly feels the freedom of innocence at its best.

That dollhouse ended up housing something much more important than a non-breathing plastic doll. One day when I wasn't playing dolls I was outside gathering clover flowers to design my own "nature girl" jewelry. I found a chrysalis and knew from science class that I had found a miracle in the making. My newfound treasure came indoors, and we placed it in the dollhouse to see what would happen. We watched it and watched it. I'm not sure how long we waited, but research now says that butterflies stay in the pupa (chrysalis) stage for one week to two months. Imagine fathers pacing in the waiting room outside of Labor and Delivery during that same time period, and you can sense my anticipation.

One day we were amazed to watch an orange monarch butterfly emerge from the chrysalis. Its wings were wet and dull, but the longer he dried, the brighter his wings became. He took several days to adjust to the shock of his new life, surviving the metamorphosis a better critter than the lowly caterpillar. This was the day, if I were to pinpoint it, that I realized the miracle of life. And later I learned this was actually a miracle of NEW life.

Easter is this Sunday. We celebrate the resurrected Christ. He emerged from the chrysalis of his donated cave a living breathing God. His sacrifice offers us a metamorphosis when we come to Him and admit our need for a Savior. Before Christ, we are merely caterpillars-wormy sinners. Coming to face the reality of the cross, the grave, and the resurrected Christ is our chrysalis. New life is our Easter gift. Just as I reveled in the miracle of life as a child, I glory in the miracle of new life.

Let us celebrate!

Poem to Barb

I'm not poet, and this is not a great poem. But I did share from my heart to Barb-in one of the frequent cards I'm sending her way. It breaks every rule in the book-but who cares?

How is your day today?
I want to know
As you seek joy
While facing this blow.

You're in my thoughts
Prayers lifted to God
For your peace of mind
And your ol' "bod."

Humor is healing
Faith is a plus
Cling on to hope
It's okay to fuss!

These all will help you
As you journey on
With God's sweet embrace
You can face the dawn.

by Kathy Carlton Willis 2006

American Idol

Last night, American Idol contestants sang Queen hits. I never realized all of those were Queen songs. I do have an interesting tidbit about trading singles (single records-old school before 8 track) with Tammy Bokor-she let me have Queen's "Bohemian Rhapsody." I was in hog heaven! I owned it until 2004.

On to the contestants. Here is how I rate them:

#1-Chris (I would go to one of his concerts!)
#2-Kellie (She looked hot and sounded like Cindy Lauper on steroids)
#3-Paris (she looked way older than her years, and sang with POWER)
#4-Ace (I was actually surprised he pulled this off!)
#5-Bucky (another great surprise-he will be safe this week)
#6-Taylor (I love this dude but he is missing the star quality)
#7-Katharine (others loved her song, but I thought it was pitchy and made me cringe-I love HER and her singing, but not THIS rendition)
#8-Elliott (I love Elliott, but too much vibrato, but he is possibly on the chopping block tonight)

Bottom 3 should be Taylor, Katharine, and Elliott. But others say Ace should be the one to go. Not yet. Not this week. (But I'm not America!)

Now I "Get It"

Another conversation came up on the listserve for those with Sjogren's Syndrome. Someone was saying they are tired of people not understanding, and how hard it is to have an invisble illness, not feeling like we look. It really is a grieving process to lose such a quality life and getting hit in the prime of life. But I wanted to offer hope. So this is what I wrote back:

I know it is easy for all of us to say, I look fine, and I feel awful, and no one understands. And this is all a part of grieving for the loss of life we used to have.

But I want to encourage you all to be able to find a way past that stage. Don't allow yourself to get stuck there for too long, or too often.

Let me tell you about me:

The first year of my illness, I gave in to it. I moped around, felt terrible, and just surrendered to the fact that I was going to feel miserable the rest of my life. "No one understands, so I might as well go outside and eat worms! "(Not really, but you know...)

I declined invitations everywhere except church, and lived (if you can call it that) hanging out on the bed or couch watching television or reading books.

But then a lightbulb went on and I realized I could feel miserable at home by myself living a life I despised, or I could allow myself to be reinvented into a new stage of my life. Yes, the old life is gone. I wasn't able to workout two hours a day or weight lift over 300 pounds ready for lifting competitions. I couldn't work hour upon hour at work. I couldn't stand or sit for long periods of time, and I had to be near a restroom. But I didn't have to give in to the pain, the fatigue and the suffering. The more I determined to get back into the game of life, the more I realized I could live at home suffering, or enjoy my life suffering. The suffering somehow didn't seem quite so intense when I started enjoying life. I developed a sense of humor about things (granted-sometimes a sick sense of humor!).

I had a new life. Different. And I knew this new life could teach me many things and equip me in ways to prepare me for what was ahead.

I also found out that knowledge is power. I researched my illness and knew what questions to ask at the doctors. The more I studied, the more I could also help others with their illnesses. Sort of a patient liaison. I couldn't have done that if I hadn't lived it. I have a close friend right now battling serious cancer issues, and I think because I've walked the road of suffering she is free to be herself around me. No fake face trying to entertain me and tell me it's all going to be okay.

Also-one more thing to keep in mind. We might feel invisible. Wonder why no one understands what we deal with, or bemoan that we don't look sick. (I'm GLAD I don't look how I feel! I don't want pity, and when I feel like I look good, it gives me a little more bounce in my step). We need to realize how many times we have talked to or walked by a perfectly "normal" human being who is suffering from something. We don't understand-we don't even acknowledge their condition. So we can't blame others who miss the fact that we are chronically ill. We do the same thing to others every day.

The difference is, I hope, that when they tell us they are sick, we DO understand, and we can be there for them. Not telling them how much worse WE have it, but just listening to them and letting them lean on us. Why? Because we GET it, and we care. Really care.

Did we care quite so much before we got sick? Maybe not.

So, this thing we call Sjogren's Syndrome really CAN be a good thing.

Just a thought.

Cancer

My friend has cancer. The BAD kind (if there is such a thing as a good kind). Having been down this road with Russ's Mom and Dad, and with others, I hurt for Barb. She is only 50. She was doing everything right in her life. Yes, I know, Life isn't fair! The good news is she has hope in the Lord for her strength and His grace has really provided that peace she has needed. But still, we are human and with humanity their are fears and their is suffering. No matter how spiritual a person is, they are also real, and they feel. I hurt for her.

Since my gift is words, I have give her a card every time I visit, and I send cards with others when I know they are stopping by. Today, we brought a crate filled with gifts from our Sunday School class. We told her she could open one a day, or if she was having a really bad day, she could open two. I also had a card for her, but it wasn't that big a deal, I thought, compared to the gifts, so just held it behind my back and talked with her. Before long she said, "I see you have another card for me!" And she had a look of anticipation in her eyes. She was having an especially hard day today, and I had no idea what those cards meant to her. She looked like a little kid looking forward to a piece of candy or something.

Some days I write something silly and lighthearted because Barb likes to laugh. Some days I write something inspirational or serious. I hope whatever I write shows compassion and empathy. I want to be sensitive to what is best for her. Words are healing. But words can hurt when they aren't in the right timing.

So now, I guess I have a new ministry-a card ministry with Barb. I wrote my Uncle Bill about 3 times a month when he battled cancer. I wrote Russ's Mom as well. She saved every card and I found them when we went to her deathbed. In fact, Mom Willis showed me she had saved one note in her Bible. It was a note I wrote when she said she bet God hated her crying all the time. I told her God knew her tears were precious, and He saved all of them in a bottle. I showed her the Bible verse, and commented on how I interpreted it. It meant a lot to her.

Words really CAN be healing-if not the physical, the emotional-and that is half the battle!

Grateful Gratitudes

My gratitude list for the week (of course just a partial list-paper could not
contain my entire list):

1. I'm so excited about this-I made plane reservations to go visit my Mom for Mother's Day. I haven't seen her since August of 2004. That was good enough, but...

2. She wrote back and said that was a good time to come because we can go to a Family Reunion together-so I get to see family I haven't seen in ages, some I've NEVER seen! This will be so exciting.

3. My back pain is getting a bit better. I remembered a special traction table from way back when I worked for a chiropractor in 1987-88. It is sometimes called closed reduction traction or flexion-distraction. It moves up and down and side to side while the doctor isolates each vertebra/disc space with his hand and opens up the space. It really helps, and makes it not feel like bone on bone so much. So, I had a treatment Friday, and saw some improvement, compared to other types of chiropractic treatments I have had.

4. The sunshine-I can't say enough good about it. The grass here in Kentucky is so green-no wonder we are known for our "bluegrass." Not the music. Even the dandelions are pretty! haha!

5. Our puppy, Jazzy is doing much better. We are working harder on a consistent schedule, and also keeping her occupied while we are gone so she doesn't get bored. Whew! And she is so entertaining!

A Delicate Balance

I belong to a listserve for patients who have Sjogren's Syndrome. One of the new members blamed the fact that she was self-less on why she has symptoms. She notices that her family members who are self-centered seem to be symptom free. She was struggling between being jealous of them, and wondering if she should have said "no" more to doing stuff for others. I wrote back and said it is a delicate balance-we should be a little bit of both-not because we have Sjogren's Syndrome, but just because we live. Here is what I wrote:

I think I take care of myself, know my limitations, AND care for others in such a way that no one would EVER think to call me self-centered. My whole life is built on what I can do to glorify God, and minister to others He brings in my path. I believe God has allowed me to deal with the trials in my life (I didn't say He caused them) because He knew I would have the opportunity to use that experience to help others in their time of need. My illnesses and other trials have equipped me to have better insights and even practical wisdom to help others.

I think by keeping my eyes off of self, and on God and others, I have a better balanced perspective on life. I have a life filled with hope rather than despair. I look forward to each day. Yes, that day will come with symptoms, but it also comes with gift-wrapped packages of joy everywhere I look.

BUT-I also know how to make boundaries and not over commit or allow myself to be used by others. I draw the line at what I know I can do and do not try to attempt more than that. Some days I'll do more, some days I'll bite off more than I can chew, and some days I'll do less. But I'm in control of that choice-not motivated by guilt or comparisons.

I feel deeply. I live life fully. I don't give in to my illness. It does not define me. But it is a part of who I am because it has educated and equipped me. In fact, I can't imagine my life without it.

My quality of life is even better because of it, in the sense that I have a better perspective than before.

We are in charge of our own lives and bodies. We make the choices. What will we do with our time? How will I get the medical help I need? Do I want to choose that treatment or try something else? Do I need a nap right now, or should I read a book or call a friend in need? If I have more energy and less pain, how can I best use that time? Should I do housework, other chores, take a walk outdoors, go grocery shopping, volunteer somewhere, or encourage a friend?

We should be stewards-meaning we take care of what has been entrusted to us-our very own lives. We should not waste that time, but neither should we abuse it by ignoring symptoms.

It is a delicate balance, as one writer has said!

Japanese Steak House

We went to a brand new Japanese Steak House on their opening day. It does not appear to be a chain, and everyone on staff was Japanese. Some barely knew English. We were the first customers to request their Hibachi grill. It is our favorite because you get a free show as they cook your meal in front of you. We were not disappointed. Even the other staff gathered around the chef as he entertained us with his quick-handed antics. We counted the Hibachi stations, and there are plenty to invite our entire Sunday School class for a fun outing. The meal was excellent. For lunch, we were served soup, stir-fried rice, stir-fried vegetables, and our choice of meat, and a drink. We both ate for about $24.00 if I recall correctly. Our drinks were not allowed to go down about 1/3 empty before someone graciously refilled them.

There were only chopsticks at the place settings. Russ struggled with his, but I seemed to do okay. After we spent about five minutes eating, one of the staff came by to offer Russ silverware. They said they could tell he was having a hard time with the chopsticks. He declined the offer and said he wanted to learn. They turned to me and said they had been watching me as well, and I was using the chopsticks perfectly. That made my day! Of course, they were probably just being kind.

We look forward to returning to try something else, very soon.

RECIPE: Bagel Cheese Spread

Okay, I'm almost addicted to this, and wanted to share the recipe-I've combined two or three into one excellent recipe!

2 jars Old English processed cheese spread (about 5 oz. each)
1 brick of Cream Cheese (about 8 oz.)
1 stick of real butter (about 4 oz.)
a little bit of worchestershire sauce and garlic powder (not much!)

The key is to use your mixer and mix it until the spread is creamy smooth.

Enjoy on bagels, or spread on anything else in sight.

Someone reported this as a snack that goes straight to fat cells. Can't win them all!

LOL Biz Report-First Week of April

Living Out Loud Communications
Business Report for Week 1 of April

>Trouble’s Brewing Review up at Truetunes
http://truetunes.com/index.php?option=com_content&task=blogcategory&id=26&Itemid=28

>Blessed Lady featured my article entitled “Hair Today, Gone Tomorrow”
http://www.blessedlady.com/hairtoday.htm

>Answered questions about my LOL manuscript editorial services for a potential client.

>Queried Today’s Christian Woman and did some research for the proposed article.

>Queried The Lookout about an article idea.

>Wrote and submitted my weekly inspirational column to The Paris News (TX) and my mailing list.

>Mentored Carmen.

>Worked with the FCW Critique Groups.

>Wrote and submitted monthly column, Grammar ‘N Style, for DabblingMum.com.

>Worked on article “Let’s Do Lunch” and interviewed women for article.

>Brainstormed about a writing contest.

>Researched other writing contests and critique services.

>My article about the new critique groups appeared in The Ready Writer for The Fellowship of Christian Writers.

>Brainstormed new book proposal, and researched market for comps.

A Palm Sunday Worshipper

Hosanna! He is our King! We lift up palms in praise to Your name. The Son of David is here with us today.

Can you imagine the sounds and sights of that first Palm Sunday? Jesus riding in to Jerusalem on a donkey. The disciples walking as a parade behind Him. Crowds parting to let Jesus pass. A make-shift "red carpet" of garments and palm leaves for his path. Worshippers enjoying a moment of sweet abandon, living solely in the moment of this glorious triumphal entry.

Often, in our Passion Week celebrations, we skip right over Palm Sunday to get to Good Friday and Easter Sunday. But if you think about it, the spirit of Palm Sunday is the very worship we should offer our King on a weekly, yea daily basis. Do we see in Jesus what the worshippers of Palm Sunday saw as He passed their way? They knew Who He was, risked being mocked for worshipping Him in public, and even gave up earthly possessions to give Jesus an entrance fit for a King.

Do we spend enough time focusing on the kingly virtues of our Savior? My desire is to meditate on why I worship Him. It's not just about being thankful for all He's done for me, but more about praising Him for Who He is. His attributes are perfection personified. His heart is compassion made alive. And His desire is obedience exemplified. What a God! What a Savior! What a KING!

"And a very great multitude spread their garments in the way; others cut down branches from the trees, and strewed them in the way. And the multitudes that went before, and that followed, cried, saying, Hosanna to the Son of David: Blessed is he that cometh in the name of the Lord; Hosanna in the highest." ~Matthew 21:8-9

American Idol-Country Week

No one can ever say country music is easy, and our nine American Idol finalists realized that this week!

There were several surprises, but not all of them were positive surprises.

Taylor started out singing, "Take Me Home, Country Roads." It was Taylor's WORST performance. Enough to possibly land him in the bottom three if callers look at this single performance with their vote. I'm not sure what Taylor was thinking. He seemed to just call it in. He comes from the South and has a southern accent, and country singing, especially if he picked a bluesy-type ballad, should have worked for him. This song didn't help his chances. Let's hope folks don't just call in votes based on this week alone, or Taylor should rightly be out of here. I would miss him if he left the performance this early. I told my husband last night, as much as Taylor called in his performance, perhaps he just wants to go home. Maybe he misses the gigs he was doing before the AI contest, or thinks he doesn't like where things are going. Who knows? Just very un-Taylor like of him.

Mandisa's outfit choice was not the best thing, especially with the camera angles. I love Mandisa, and want her to shine every time so she can come down to the finals! Her song, "Every Man of Mine" was believable and definitely not "boring." (Simon mentioned almost every song was boring, but not this one!) There were a few pitch problems, but she "worked it out" to use Randy's phrase. She should be safe this week.

Paris struggled with singing "How Do I Live Without You" in the low end of her range. She had some pitch problems in the beginning and end. The middle of the song was much better because it was in the comfort zone part of her range. Simon told her she did well, but I think when he watches the show ever he will see she wasn't as spot-on as he thought. If people vote JUST on this performance, she might be in the bottom three.

Chris was out of his element, but STILL put on a good show, and convinced me he meant what he was singing in "Making Memories of Us." I couldn't help but wonder if he had dedicated the song to his wife, and his heart was singing out to her. His eyes are soooo intense when he sings. He confessed that he dug down into his country roots to get the inspiration for this song, since he is more comfortable singing rock.

Elliott sang "If Tomorrow Never Comes" with so much heart that I believed he meant every word. He was smart to pick a soft ballad to show off his vibrato. But he changed it up enough to make it his own. I loved his version of the song. Elliott should be safe from the bottom 3 this week.

Bucky-I thought should have been #2 best this week, in the country category, but after hearing him, I won't go that far with my brags. He was told by the judges last week to work on his enuncication. I understood his words last week. But this week, it sounded like he had marbles in his mouth. Kenny Rogers even warned him to over enunciate, because people aren't familiar with the song. He also has trouble singing the ends of his song phrases, partly due to range problems, but mostly due to running out of air. He did a good job interpreting the song ("The Best I Ever Had"), and he seemed much more comfortable with this type of song. I'm just not sure it was good enough to keep him out of the bottom three.

Ace was one of the positive surprises tonight. He has been in the bottom three, but should not be there this week. He completely expressed the emotions (emoted) in the song "I Wanna Cry." He was convincing and tender. He was smart to show his ability to go into his falsetto. And his vibratto shined.

Kellie was no surprise. She was back on track with her vocals as well as her stage presence. And her outfit was perfect for her. She just got it all right this week! She struggled a little on the low notes, but I think they sometimes have to start lower than their best range so that they can reach to those high notes later in the song and be comfortable. If they start out higher, the high notes would be in the ionosphere. I have a feeling Kellie had personal experience living the life of the song, "Fancy."

Katharine was gorgeous as always, but more important, she is the one who totally convinced me she was having FUN on stage, as she sang "Bringing Out The Elvis." This should NOT have been her category, since she has a trained voice and typically they train you NOT to sing with the nasal intonation and twang of a country song. But she picked a soulful, bluesy country song and made it her own (this is what Taylor should have done). Katharine's performance was another pleasant surprise for me. She didn't like being in the bottom 3 last week, and she made sure she gave 100% this week.

I have a feeling we might lose the wrong person this week, if people vote solely on this week's performance.

Living Out Loud Biz Report for March

Every so often I like to throw in a report of my editing/writing/speaking/singing business called Living Out Loud Communications. This keeps me accountable and allows me to have a record of my work. It is not to brag, but an organizational technique. If it is a brag, it is just to praise the Lord for what He has done in all of this.

Here's my report for March:
•Queried Spirit-Led Writer about four projects. One was rejected, and two were requested to write on speculation. I have submitted these two articles, and am awaiting word on acceptance or rejection. Tentative titles: "Top 10 Copy Editor's Nightmares" (the PUGS that bug you), and "How To Develop a Unique Interview Style."
•Submitted two articles for consideration with Blessed Lady. Melissa accepted, "Hair Today, Gone Tomorrow" and is considering "In The Waiting Rooms of Life." Payment for the first article was received in Paypal before the article even appeared on her site.
•Wrote several articles for Mike at Grassroots Music/TrueTunes. Feature article "Confessions of a Concertgoer" will go up next week. Book review for "The Potluck Club/Trouble's Brewing" went up today. Also sent in book review for "Scimitar's Edge." Received payment for 2 previous CD reviews (Scott Grimes and Story Side B). Proposed an idea for a regular column, which is being considered. Proposed another feature article, which was accepted, but we are waiting on the interview subject to be available for comments.
•Completed my monthly column for Alyice at DabblingMum, "Grammar 'N Style." Received payment for said article. "Punctuating Around Commas."
•Wrote weekly inspirational column for The Paris News and my own mailing list.
•Read books for upcoming reviews.
•Launched two FCW online critique groups and my new manuscript editorial services. Picked up 9 clients who have secured my services for the year with Crit-Intense.
•Typed contracts for my new clients and signed a contract with Blessed Lady. Worked on other paperwork for the business (desk still needs tidied!).
•Wrote an article for The Ready Writer (FCW newsletter) and sent to Alice in Tulsa.
•Studied available markets to determine new query letters for April.
•Continued mentorship relationship with Carmen (you're doing GREAT).
•Kept up with two personal blogs.

Whew! I'm ready for a new month, and new challenges. Aren't you?

Top 10 Ways to Know It's Spring

10. Daffodils survived the late snow and proudly lift their heads to the sun.

9. School-kids are getting sassy. They are coming down with Spring Fever.

8. Toenails are painted bright colors-including my tangerine toesies.

7. Choirs are rehearsing Easter songs and Easter candy fills the holiday aisle.

6. Weather changes daily.

5. Cropped pants are coming out of storage.

4. Sandals too, to go with the cropped pants.

3. Trees are budding.

2. More smiles, less frowns.

1. Vacations are being planned; and diets are initiated, to look good for said vacations (think swim suits and class reunions!)

American Idol

I predict Lisa will be going home tonight on American Idol. We shall see. Overall, the show this week was unimpressive. They were encouraged to sing songs that would represent the niche they would pick in the current music market. Allowable songs? Any song recorded in the 21st century. Unfortunately, most picked songs that, as Simon says, are unforgettable. Or the singers took on songs from icons, with no chance to match, let alone surpass the original.

I think Ace is getting more sappy each performance-playing up to the camera as musical Romeo. Bucky actually surprised me with how well he performed. I believe he is working to improve his craft each week, and may come from behind to stay until the mid-season rather than landing in the bottom 3. The judges said they could not understand Bucky's diction, but I believe their ears just aren't trained to hear "country drawl." Mandisa made her witness known, singing a song off the Christian charts. She belted out a few cool notes, but could have picked a song where she could really TESTIFY with her scats! Chris did so so with his song from Creed-screaming most of the song. Taylor did exceptional, and I *LIKED* his new fashion style. Paris was probably the best performer, both vocally, and stage presence. But her dance style was older than her 17 years-almost seductive. Elliott is looking less like a Amish farmer and more like a singer, and he is really working his craft. He's got good pipes! Katherine is the most glamorous singer on the show, and usually has excellent vocals, but I thought she bit off more than she could chew last night. Kelly P. looked totally overwhelmed by her environment last night, and her eyes and body language did not connect with the audience. Her song did not spotlight her voice. Besides, what I like most about her was gone-her zaney bubbly personality. She was singing about bubbles (soap) but lost the bubbles in her smile and eyes.

So, it will be interesting to see who goes home tonight, and what the others learn from this week's poorformance-er-I mean performance.

Nightlight Bright

NIGHTLIGHT BRIGHT

Ever wonder why you even exist? I know, when the chips are down, and I'm on my hundredth mistake of the day, I ask God how in the world He thinks He can use little ol' me. Normally I don't struggle with low self-esteem and purpose, because God drives me with a vision and a passion. But there are still times, when my humanity shows the most that I have to scratch my head and wonder how God is going to get the glory from certain situations.

But then a light bulb came on, literally. Not in the daytime when I'm mentally coherent, but in the middle of the night when I stumbled to the bathroom. We have a nightlight to illuminate our midnight path. As my eyes acclimated to the dark, the light became brighter. And as I looked directly into the nightlight, I was almost blinded by the brightness. It was then that I realized just how bright a tiny nightlight could be when a person needs it most, in the darkest part of the night. In the daytime, when the nightlight is on, its little beam is barely noticeable.

What makes the difference? The need—darkness. The purpose—illuminate the path. The design—one small light to allow the sleeping to slumber and the awake to seek and see the way.

This might seem very simple, but it assured me that God has made no mistake in creating me. I just need to let His light shine. He will find the places where there are needs for the light, and He will design a purpose that best glorifies Him.

I need to make sure to let HIS light shine, not MY light. The song says, "This little light of mine, I'm gonna let it shine" but it really is the light of Jesus that radiates from believers, when they are not stifling the Holy Spirit with selfish ambitions. And when Christians beam His light, those who are seeking answers will see the way. THE Way.

I'm content to be a nightlight. To those in need, it's as powerful as a lighthouse or a searchlight.

"This little light of God's, I'm gonna let it shine!"

Grateful Gratitudes

Here are my Friday Grateful Gratitudes-things I'm thankful for this week:

*A beautiful cranberry colored suede softside briefcase/tote by designer Diane von Furstenberg-given to me by my pastor's wife-Sharon. What a great surprise—it will be perfect for my new manuscript editing business!

*Speaking of my new business, I'm grateful for the smooth launch of this new work. I'll be hired by the project to do overall critiques and copy editing for fiction and nonfiction works, articles, and even Web sites. And I've also been hired by the year by nine writers who want a Writer's Coach to boost them to the next level of their writing career. If you know of a ministry or business who needs an editor, be sure to recommend me!

*An excellent physical therapist who knows her stuff!

*Seeing Jazzy blossom-she cracks us up on a daily basis. Who knew this would be so entertaining? Oh wait-*WE* did-that's why we signed up for the ride.

*Getting news that one of my writing students has had a "maybe" by "Christianity Today," a very respected national magazine. Most writers rarely get this far with their query letters. We are going to work feverishly to polish the article to a shimmer and send it on with a prayer. One thing even better than when my own work gets accepted is when those I mentor gets good news in the business!

*Having a wonderful 72 year old mentor who pushes me towards excellence. We all pay it forward, don't we? (Or at least, we SHOULD)

I'm blessed!

America Got It Right!

Last night, the American Idol results show was on. In my mind, I was hoping the bottom three would include: Lisa, Bucky, and Kevin. My wish for the one who needed to go home-Kevin. Guess what? America got it right! yes! Now we can move forward and have a REAL American Idol contest. The ones who are moving in the right direction: Chris, Paris, Mandisa, Katherine and believe it or not, Kelly Pickler. Taylor and Elliott are awesome, but they weren't as spot-on this week. And Ace? When he uses his falsetto, he is finding his groove. I'm rooting for Chris to win and Mandisa to come in second, but there is plenty of talent to make this anyone's game.

Speaking of reality shows, a new one was on last night. Unan1mous. For 30 minutes, a group of strangers were stripped of watches and cell phones and entered a bunker with artificial light and sterile decor. There was a circular table that looked sort of like a pod. The instructions were given AFTER everyone was locked in-they say no one had a clue what they were signing up for. There is 1.5 million dollars available to ONE contestant, ONLY if he/she gets the votes of every other player. Some are choosing to lie to get the sympathies of others (one even falsely said he had testicular cancer). There is a female minister on the show who unfortunately is only 50% right in what scripture says and in how she applies it. She is alienating the others already. It is going to be interesting to see how it plays out. Some are having panic attacks. Of course-how much is real, and how much is television? Who knows? But it makes for a fascinating show. Stay tuned...

Bits & Pieces

Some of you have asked if my blog is asleep right now. Nope-it's not. But it is very groggy!

So, here are a few bits and pieces of the last couple of weeks, just to get you up to speed in the life of Kathy.

*I'm taking physical therapy right now, so it is taking up some time, and also means I'm limiting my time at the desk. I told someone I'm just getting old, and I'm not taking it sitting down! (actually sitting down hurts too much for long periods-so go figure—)

*But-at the same time I'm launching a new manuscript editorial business. I have been hired by nine writers (and counting) who have secured my services for a period of one year. The Fellowship of Christian Writers is endorsing me. I will be their Writer's coach, and will provide some critiques, edits, market leads, and more. I have found one thing I do better than writing is bringing out the best in other writers. I will be getting paid by the year by some writers, while other writers will pay for each service individually. I look forward to seeing this business branch out into several areas as I pick up new clients.

*I got to sing at church Sunday, and enjoyed it so much. I sang "I Will Rest In You." It just felt right, if that makes sense. That is always a good place to be-right where you know you are supposed to be.

*We went to a concert Saturday night that featured 3 singers/groups: Josh Bates, Nicole Nordeman, and Casting Crowns. I'm writing a feature article about it for Grassroots Music and TrueTunes so I'll wait for it to come out to share with you. Needless to say, it was awesome! I loved the light shows and multi-media effects as well as the singers and musicians. It was interesting to watch human nature too (not all were on their best behavior-but that's how we humans can be).

*I've been making plans for our Mother/Daughter Tea. The theme revolves around shoes. Always a favorite subject for women. The actual theme is: "Footprints of A Woman." I've been having fun coming up with the menu and the program.

*Jazzy is still keeping me busy. She is getting more disciplined, but still acting like a puppy at times. She is 4 months old now. See my other blog about her fun in the snow. http://myjazzy.blogspot.com/

The Amazing Race

The Amazing Race

In the reality show, "The Amazing Race," contestants compete against each other by traveling around the world, accepting various challenges along the way. A team is eliminated each week, when they come to the pit stop last.

I love watching the show because the scenery and culture is breathtaking, and the stunts reveal the true character of each contestant. I cheer on certain teams and frankly, I make wishes that certain teams will run into problems to slow down their journey.

I get wrapped up in the adventure, as if I were along for the race. And there is one thing I regret for each team member (whether they are my favorites or not). I am sorry the contestants can't spend more time enjoying each country. There is not enough time to visit the typical tourist attraction type places. I never see cameras in their hands, to record their trips (of course there are t.v. cameras everywhere!). It is too bad there is not more time allotted for the teams to relish the process rather than race to the finish.

And that thought leads me to my life lesson for today. Many of us are just as guilty about racing through life, trying to get to the finish line successfully, rather than embracing the journey that leads us to our ending.

I'm very certain that God did not just leave us here to punch alarm clocks and time clocks. He didn't inspire all of creation just for us to rush past it on our way to what we deem is important. Creation is there for our enjoyment. And we are here to enjoy each other, as well as to spend time with our God in fellowship.

That old hymn has it so right:

I come to the garden alone
While the dew is still on the roses
And the voice I hear, falling on my ear
The Son of God discloses

And He walks with me
And He talks with me
And He tells me I am His own
And the joy we share as we tarry there
None other has ever known.

Let's not run the amazing race of life so quickly that we miss the fellowship with God and others along the way. Let's stop to smell the roses, and the coffee, and everything else we call "good."

American Idol

[I wrote this on Wednesday, prior to the results show. I'm posting it anyway-even though I was wrong about all 3 of the bottom 3! Unfortunately, either America likes different singing qualities than me, or they are voting based on their love for the person rather than on if they think they can be a future music star.]

Last Night, American Idol hopefuls sang songs from Stevie Wonder. The behind-the-scenes peak at the candidates gave us a much better look at their personalities than watching their onstage personna. To be honest, most had a difficult time singing Stevie's songs. If America is real, tonight Kevin will be going home. The other two filling out the bottom three should be Kelly Pickler (as much as I love her sweet disposition) and Bucky. Even though Bucky should be in the bottom 3, I must comment that I thought he did his best on the song "Superstition." My favorites from the night were Chris and Paris. Mandisa also did a great job, once she got past the opening verse and landed on the belt-it-out chorus and bridge. Taylor Hicks also did a great job, in spite of his awkward dance moves. My verdict for Season Five is that a soulful singer will steal the show.

On another note I have some possibly exciting news: I have pitched an article featuring Mandisa with TrueTunes.com and my editor, Mike Parker, is thrilled with the idea. One hitch in the plan: I am having a hard time getting contact information for Mandisa, to interview her. Her Web site was temporarily disabled this past week and who knows when the American Idol media group will return my request. Mike is going to see what he can do to find other inroads. If any of you know a way to contact Mandisa, please let me know. Use my "contact the writer" link on this site. Thanks!

Gated Community

Yesterday the gates went up. Temporary walls providing safety and barriers. This was not a great divide between two nations. We installed baby gates to block off the guest bedroom and the family room, two areas where our almost 10-year-old calico, Libby, hangs out. Why? Because our 3-month-old Boston Terrier has learned to permeate the smaller barriers we previously used. So, we brought out the big guns. These gates will also help us house-train Jazzy.

It has been interesting to watch the behavior of our two pets since the installation of the dividers. Libby acts more confident and seems to be rubbing it in the face of her housemate Jazzy. Now that Libby has secure areas she sits like a queen on her favorite pillow, taunting the puppy spying from the other side of the gate. Jazzy is making new habits and enjoys the times Libby comes to the great room for some interaction.

In biblical times, whole cities were contained within a wall of protection, with only a gated entrance to come and go. Citizens of gated communities felt secure and safe, like my Libby cat. Hedges were used as barriers between neighbors. Job had a hedge of protection around him, placed there by God. We should pray for God to put a hedge around us as well. There is more we can do, in our defensive plan.

Proverbs 25:28 says, "He that hath no rule over his own spirit is like a city that is broken down, and without walls."

Before we put up the baby gates, there was no sense of discipline and order in our house. Proverbs is warning believers that without discipline, a life has no order. This leaves that life open for attack from within and from without.

Walls are not always divisive. Sometimes they are there for protection and discipline. A person with boundaries has self-control (empowered by the Holy Spirit) to be victorious over anger, lust, greed, and other emotions. Emotions that can get out-of-control without discipline. These kinds of walls are for our good. Just as a walled city is good defense against enemies, a disciplined Christian can fight against the enemies of destruction.

Victory is ours!

My Dad

Yesterday was the 19th anniversary of the passing of my father, Charles Edward Carlton. He was only 52 when he died, and I was only 24. It's hard to believe that it has been that long since he breathed his last breath. Life certainly does go on, even when we sometimes believe it never will.

One thing I had to learn, and which took me about a year or two to realize, is that it is better to remember the 52 years my father lived rather than replaying in my mind the last month of his life-the time when he was fighting to survive. The first couple of years, to be honest, all I could do was rewind the tape of that last month, and there was a lot of pain attached to it.

I'm sure Dad would rather us focus on his good life. So here is a brief description of my dad, with more memories to come later:

-good shower singer, hummer, and whistler
-hard worker
-could learn to do anything he set his mind to
-often quiet
-enjoyed good music
-loved nature, and being out in it-a devoted hunter and fisher
-not afraid to sweat!
-good friend to others-always helping others out
-handyman at home and for elderly women
-perfectionist
-creative
-melancholy personality
-loved old cars-could see the potential in them and kept them running
-enjoyed going visiting-to friends and family around the area-mostly in Pike County
-but DIDN'T like to leave the area-too stressful
-proud of his biscuit recipe
-introspective
-attended all of our musical concerts and plays
-taught us how to deal with the stress of getting along with others and how to fight when necessary!
-curse words were in his common vocabulary
-almost always wore khaki slacks and plaid shirts, untucked
-very predictable in some ways, very unpredictable in other ways (odd, huh?)
-always smelled good, hair always in place

I was glad to be his Lil' Gal.

And I still miss him.

This Week In Reality Shows

I'm a reality show junky. I admit it! Here is my brief comment about 3 shows I watched this week:

-American Idol
The four who were not chosen to go on to the final 12 by America were in my bottom 6. I would have probably sent Kevin home and kept Gedeon another week, but he would have been sent home soon enough. My comments move on to discuss the Christ-believers on the show. Mandisa is a servant of the Lord. On Tuesday, before she went on stage she did the sign language for "I'm believing God" as taught in a Beth Moore study. That special sumpin-sumpin she has is the joy of the Lord rather than a new illegal drug. Gedeon, when told he was going home, said he was victorious in the blood of the Lamb, and gave God the glory. He had the sweetest spirit, no hint of bitterness. I'm guessing Paris is also a believer. She was brought up in a Christian home (I know that doesn't automatically make you a believer). Her behavior points to having a loving heart. She is a hugger. An encourager. It isn't all about her. So sweet.

-The Amazing Race
I love watching this show because the stunts are interesting and the scenery along the way is breathtaking. There are a variety of personalities showing up. This week two sisters from Texas went home. One of the sisters had a cruddy attitude for most of the episode, and that attitude could have been their defeating factor. Her sister, on the other hand, was all about encouragement and staying positive. You could tell they have a special bond as sisters, but it was not enough to keep them in the race. I haven't learned their names yet-sorry. But the couple who are known as the geeks on the show displayed a true love for each other. I hope they stay on for a while. The two guys who are as goofy as all get-out should stay around for cornball entertainment factor. I'm already DONE with the two guys who are more interested in how much sex they can get along the way than the stunts and the bonding between the two of them. I like the Latino mother/daughter team. The couple consisting of a dentist and his assistant (are they married or just dating?) are not getting along well. He treats her like trash. The older couple are endearing-she has been victorious over cancer and they are both very determined, in spite of their weak physical status. There will be more teams that show themselves to me as we go along the race.

-Survivor
This week Dan went home. His alliance partner, Terry had to vote a different way because Sally was immune and Dan was the weak link in the tribe. He was right to make this decision, and he handled it like a gentleman, discussing it with Dan prior to tribal council. Dan showed over the past few weeks that he was weak physically, and this week he was their downfall mentally at the challenge, so he was the obvious pick to go home since Sally was immune. My favorite part of this episode was watching the other team get to go to the village and enjoy food and entertainment together with the villagers. The children of the village were special. I've noticed each year on Survivor, the team who gets to go to the village ends up having a special strength from having this experience. I was hoping the other team would have been the team to go. At first, I wasn't a big fan of Cerie because she was a wimp with the elements, and because she voted out Tina the first week. But, Cerie has grown on me as I watch her deal with her tribe in a way that is keeping her from being voted off. Shane will be the next to go from his tribe-he alienated his own alliance. Not good. Of course, he has an ability to sweet-talk his way back into their good graces, so who knows? My first pick to win it all is Terry. My second pick is Austin. But they are both underdogs now that their tribe is so much smaller than the other tribe. I'm looking forward to this next week.

Until then, let's keep it real!

Proverbs 11:3

"The integrity of the upright shall guide them; but the perverseness of transgressors shall destroy them." ~Proverbs 11:3

I just completed a book for review by Marvin Olasky called "Scimitar's Edge" to be released in June of this year. I won't do my review now, since it is scheduled for first rights in another publication, but I will say the book could have used this Proverb as it's guiding theme. One of the issues discussed by the characters in this book is if there is good in this world, and there is, then we must acknowledge that there is also evil, and there is. And there are varying degrees of goodness and evil.

Those who have integrity of spirit and virtuous character will allow those strengths to be what motivates them in life. But those who are motivated by evil will be destroyed by that evil. We might see them as successful now, but in the full scheme of things, they will not obtain ultimate reward.

These are true statements, but there is one missing element. We all have some degree of evil in us because we were all born with an imperfect human nature. We will not have what it takes within us to overcome that human nature. We need supernatural intervention in the form of a Savior, Who paid the price for us to obtain ultimate reward, but also indwells His followers so we might grow in integrity. It's not about how good we can get on our own, but on how yielded we are to His guidance in our lives.

Either way, it is a matter of discipline. But that discipline is sweet when it is motivated by the love we have for our Savior, rather than the guilt and fear we have for failure. Love will be the guiding force to victory.

My Brother

Every so often, I want to write about the people I'm closest to in this world. Today, I choose to write about my brother Wade, in tribute to his birthday this week. Wade, I don't mean this to embarrass you, I've just always been taught it is better to give your flowers when folks are this side of the grass, if you know what I mean!

Wade was born 15 months after I entered the world. I was a high maintenance child, I admit it. Fortunately, Wade was happy-go-lucky and self-entertaining. Of course, he also had ME to entertain him!

Wade and I shared a bedroom until I was a freshman in high school. Nowadays, child protective services would say this was damaging to our psyche. I disagree. It caused us to be very close-knit. Of course, there was probably other things in our family unit that CPS would raise their eyebrows about (namely-discipline). We survived!

Wade was somewhat quiet, and always was a good friend to others. He was a good student, and loved to read-still does! We often tormented each other. I would kiss him to bug him, and he would stick a freshly licked finger in my ear. Funny how kids show they love each other!

We shared some of our bigger toys, such as a bright red tricycle. That trike led us to meet Jimmy Pennock down the block, so it was a godsend.

Wade loved sports, especially baseball, and collected baseball cards. When we purchased the lot next to ours, it became our baseball field. It was fun playing with the Rubemeyers, the Atteberrys and the Hendersons. Wade also had a basketball hoop on a poll in our graveled parking area. He has a good mind for sports, and can analyze the entire game.

I enjoyed sharing friendship circles with Wade in high school. It was fun to go to some of the same parties. We were also involved in some of the same things in school, especially music.

I hate it that I moved away so early in my adult life, and then he moved even further away. We have not gotten to develop an adult friendship as much as I would like. I have watched him develop into an upstanding man, with a sense of values and a passion to educate and be educated. He loves children. I see his eyes light up when children are around. He is involved in his son's life to a degree I rarely see in fathers. He is comfortable in any setting, and cultural diversity is an added bonus.

It's hard to believe that 2 siblings who started out sharing a room the first 14 years of their lives are now so far apart. We may have gone our separate ways, but our hearts still have a heart for HOME. That is one thing that never leaves us, no matter how many miles separate us.

Happy Birthday, Brother. I miss you!

Coincidence or Godincidence?

Coincidence or God-incidence?

Have you ever had a divine appointment, and knew 100% for sure that God's hand was on the situation? I've had several of those in my lifetime, and each time, I am amazed by the power of God. This week, I asked a friend to add an e-mail link to my online blog, so that readers could contact me. During the same moments she was setting it up, an old friend of mine stumbled across my blog on the internet. Not knowing how to contact me, he left a comment on the site, from David R. I read the comment and my heart pounded with excitement. I couldn't help but wonder if this was a childhood friend of mine. Confirmation came in the form of an e-mail from David Rubemeyer, within minutes of when Carmen had placed the e-mail link on the site. I'm not sure what made me want to place the link on that day. We had been toying with the idea for a month or so. And who knows why Carmen found time at that exact moment to add the link. But the end result was the reunion of two childhood friends — a brother was found!

It wasn't a coincidence for each of those elements to be in play that day. Who can orchestrate a man to check out a blog, a woman to request an e-mail link, and another woman to add that link, all within minutes of each other? Only God. This was a God-incidence.

That same God sent Philip along the path of the Ethiopian Eunuch at the very time the eunuch was attempting to understand scripture. It was no coincidence for Philip to be at the right place at the right time, it was a God-arranged divine appointment.

I read a quote that said, "One more coincidence, and I'm going to have to believe that God is in control!" I like that. I'm not saying every traffic light, every weed that pops up in a yard, and every paper cut I get are preordained by God to take place. He allows certain things because there is order in this world. But there are times He says, "I'm not just going to allow the normal order, I'm going to step in and cause a certain situation." That is a divine appointment.

I'm glad to know God didn't just create the universe and then sit back and watch how it turns out. He intervenes and participates in our lives in an intimate way. Look for Him today.

Monday-Grateful Gratitudes

Here are a few of my many blessings this week:

1) Lynnette L. and Megan came over to help me clean house. What a blessing!

2) A knowledgeable physical therapist, named Joy, to help me with my lumbar spondylosis and bone spurs.

3) Getting a doggy door installed, as well as a door in our garage to the backyard, and 2 electric garage door openers. Life will be much more convenient now!

4) Getting my van, which has no car payments left, repaired.

5) Being loved-on by church members. They are the BEST!

6) Getting e-mails from Mom and reading Wade's blog to keep up with their busy lives. I get to feel like I'm a part of their lives even though we lives many many miles away.

Time Machine Memory Tour-H.S. Sophomore 2nd. Half

(continuation of post regarding my sophomore year in high school)

By the time we returned to school for the second semester after our winter break, I had decided to date Rusty exclusively. He had not ASKED me to "go with him" but I just knew he was the one, or at least wanted to give it a good try to make for sure.

He asked me out to his church youth group functions. At the same time, my own Sunday School teacher was teaching doctrine different from the Methodist church doctrine, saying all roads of faith lead to Heaven. He said it was the act of faith that saves a person, not the object of that faith. If you were to just believe in yourself, it would be enough to get you to Heaven. He also owned the tavern in town, and profited from the most heartbreak our town knew-men throwing their paychecks away on strong drink (the town prostitute also frequented his locale). Don't get me wrong, I loved this Methodist youth worker, I just didn't agree with him. He was a confused man, who obviously loved youth, but was giving mixed signals to the very ones he wanted to mentor. His day job was as a teacher/coach for our school system, but in the evenings he was providing a "stocked refrigerator" to minors.

The good thing about having my own youth director teach confusing doctrine was that it caused me to question everything I believed, and to search scripture to find out the answers. I knew, deep down, that the Bible was the ultimate authority of truth.

One glitch on this road to my personal relationship with Jesus Christ was when Rusty invited me to a Revival meeting at his storefront church when a prison preacher was speaking. This guest preacher was rough as a cob and very confrontational. In your face. Literally. I will never forget those pointy cowboy boots climbing the pew in front of me and his long accusing finger pointing down my equally long nose. (Rusty always sat in front of his parents, near the front of the church on the left side of the building at that point.) This dignified Methodist girl almost peed her pants when that prison preacher hooted and hollered and nearly spat in my face due to proximity. I really thought I would never darken the doors of that church again.

But God had another plan.

I continued to attend the youth group events with Rusty's church, going for the social element rather than the spiritual lessons. Regardless of intent, the message was penetrating my heart, and making sense. Rusty gave me a brochure (he called it a tract) that explained some spiritual truths. At the same time Teri Wilhoit was doing what she called "witnessing" to me. She told me she was concerned for my spiritual wellbeing and wanted me to fill that emptiness in my life with the right thing, with a relationship with Jesus Christ. She showed me why she always had nighttime prayer and a devotional reading, even when I was spending the night. Her life lived out me a real active faith, not just a stuffy Sunday tradition to which I was accustomed.

I saw something genuine and unique in Rusty, and in Teri. I also noticed a spiritual peace and maturity. A sense of purpose. I wanted what they had. I made no big deal about my decision. No walk down the aisle or altar prayer. Alone in my bedroom I made my own altar out of a bed-top bolster. I put it on the floor by my bed and did what the tract explained. I prayed to God, telling Him about my emptiness and admitting my sinful nature. I told Him I realized there was no way I could have a relationship with Him, or enter His perfect Heaven, without a perfect substitute. I accepted the free gift of salvation paid for by Jesus when died on the cross in my place. It was the most liberating moment of my life. What Teri and Rusty said was true, an inner peace was mine to enjoy.

One of the first big changes in me was that I quit going to dances. I don't think all forms of dance are wrong, but there was a great deal wrong with teen dances. Probably my family thought I was just going through a phase, but it was a real conviction of my heart. Rusty did not tell me, "don't go to dances." He just suggested that I go to a dance, and ask God if He was pleased with what I was doing there, and what was going on around me. The first opportunity to do this was at a dance I attended during a leadership conference. I realized my actions on the dance floor were sensual, and that I was using my body as an instrument to cause the guys to desire the wrong things (lust). The music was not godly music, and the lighting was low, which encouraged all sorts of different sexual activities. The dances were not chaperoned well, with adults either wanting to be cool and accepted by the teens, or off in another section of the building talking with other chaperones about the latest gossip and gripes in their own lives. Drinking and drugs were flowing faster than the punch and cookies. It was as if a light bulb went on and I realized teen dances were all things opposite of purity. For some, to quit dancing would be a minor ordeal. But for me it was a lifestyle change. Before this moment of realization, I was attending dances of some kind on almost a weekly basis, and was one of the unofficial "dance champions" on the dance floor. But this decision felt right. It was a minor sacrifice to learn to DO RIGHT, compared to those who were sacrificing their lives for the gospel. It became no sacrifice at all, because in exchange I was given much more than I ever gave up.

Proverbs 5:3

"For the lips of a strange woman drop as a honeycomb, and her mouth is smoother than oil." ~Proverbs 5:3

The father is giving the son a warning the passages of Proverbs 5, that to resist the temptations he will face in life, he must be equipped BEFORE the temptation ever comes. Equipped with what? Moral stability.

-Wisdom (vs. 1)
-Understanding (vs. 1)
-Discretion (vs. 2)
-Knowledge (vs. 2)

Some are not sure if the strange woman here refers to immoral women who seek to lure the innocent, or if the strange woman represents all evils that tempt us.

Either way, best to be on guard. Our reputation and God's testimony is at stake.

Living Out Loud-Weekly Biz. Report

I keep track of my Living Out Loud business each week, by writing a report here. It isn't so much to pat myself on the back, as it is to be accountable for my work, and to praise the Lord for what He has allowed to be accomplished.

This week, you will see my goals first, and the results in all caps after each goal.

1. Write inspirational column for The Paris News and my mailing list.-COMPLETED

2. Write in my blogs daily.-COMPLETED (AN OLD FRIEND FOUND ME THROUGH THE BLOG THIS WEEK.)

3. Read book for book reviews. Write review. Find multiple markets for review, and send out queries or submissions. (If you know of additional paying markets for reviews, please let me know)-FINISHED READING BOOK, AM CURRENTLY WRITING REVIEW, HAVE FOUND SEVERAL MARKETS TO SEND QUERIES TO FOR THIS REVIEW BESIDES TRUETUNES.

4. Gather letters of recommendation for freelance writing business expansion. Put more detailed plans into place.-HAVE COLLECTED TWO MORE LETTERS-MY OLD EDITOR SENT AN EXTRAORDINARY RECOMMENDATION-WRITE ME OFF-LIST IF YOU WANT TO READ IT.

5. Send out at least 3 queries this week.-SENT OUT 4, 2 HAVE BEEN ACCEPTED ON SPECULATION, 1 WAS REJECTED, AND 1 IS PENDING.

6. Rewrite crit. group submission, using advice from critique group critiques.-HAVE NOT FINISHED THIS.

7. Write 2 more critiques for groups before end of month.-COMPLETED.

Other writing related reports for the week, that were not in the goals:

8. I also found two more markets to send submissions, and will work on that this coming week.

9. I wrote my monthly Grammar 'N Style column for The Dabblingmum, and submitted.

10. I continued to interact with the writer I'm mentoring, and we are both getting "jazzed up" by the process as well as the progress.

Proverbs 4:3

"He taught me also, and said unto me, Let thine heart retain my words: keep my commandments and live."

The "he" in this verse refers back to the father. In verse 1, children are encouraged to hear the instruction of their father. In verse 2 it says fathers give good doctrine (teaching), so it is wise not to go against their instruction. Verse 3 mentions that the father was taught by his father, so we have 3 generations mentioned here.

This all points to the need of families to pass on good teaching, wise counsel, and good character building tools to their children. Wisdom is passed down from generation to generation. It can be assumed that lack of wisdom can also be passed down. Personal influence is the best way to pass along wisdom, whether to your children or someone else in your life.

American Idol-Season Five

I've been watching American Idol since the first season. Even though they don't always sing the type of songs I like or wear appropriate clothing, they all teach me something. I love watching each one grow as a singer and performer throughout the competition. They teach me to be a better singer/performer and I also pick up pointers as a vocal coach for others. Throughout the competition, I'll giving you my opinions of American Idol. Take them or leave them.

So far, America has voted spot on. You never know how the vote will turn out, because they don't call to vote off the weakest pop star. They call to vote for their favorite. So you just never know who will be eliminated. I looked over the names of who was voted off last week, and even though I watched the show, already I had forgotten their faces/names. What Simon says is correct, they were truly forgettable. Their names and ages: Bobby (19), Patrick (27), Becky (25), and Stevie (19).

This week, again, America picked the correct ones to leave. Brenna Gethers, age 25, swore America would vote her as their favorite. Her over-confidence lied to her. Heather Cox had a sweet disposition, but at age 16, just didn't have the life experience to equip her for the competition. David Radford, age 17, had a beautiful retro voice, but crooning isn't as popular as other music styles. He said goodbye last night. And Sway Penala, age 28, was sent home for his Stevie Wonder impersonation. I found his song this week to be better than the song he sang the week prior, but still, he was not of the same caliber as the other male singers.

My favorite singers are:
-Mandisa (Christian praise & worship singer with a beautiful spirit, age 29)
-Paris Bennett (larger than life voice, inherited pipes from Grandma, age 17)
-Chris Daughtry (my pick for American Idol with the total package of voice, stage presence, and style, age 26)
-Taylor Hicks (most soulful, very Ray Charles-like, awesome harmonica player, age 29)

One more comment about American Idol. Has anyone else noticed that Paula Abdul seems to be under the influence of drugs or alcohol the past two shows? I'm guessing she is hooked on prescription pain medications. Her body language, slurred words, and unfiltered statements all point to a woman not in control of self. I hope she will get the help she needs, if there is in deed a problem, because she brings a lot of life to the show. Randy has the best input to the singers regarding vocal coaching. And Simon, although rough around the edges, is the most accurate at spotting a winner. He knows what he is talking about!

Proverbs 3:2

"For length of days, and long life, and peace, shall they add to thee." ~Proverbs 3:2

What does the THEY refer to? Look at verse 1, "My son, forget not my law; but let thine heart keep my commandments."

So, we may deduce from this that if we are a students of the Word of God, the Bible, that we will have a greater chance of having a longer peaceful life than those who do not study/heed the Bible.

Obviously, death comes at all ages. But think about it. If we heed biblical principles, we are not going to be at the wrong place at the wrong time, putting us at risk for premature death. We are not going to expose our bodies to things that could cause a disease process. We are not going to be a part of a gang and be at risk for gang related violence. These are just a few examples of how obeying God's Word will protect us from dangerous and unhealthy situations.

But-this conditional promise gives us hope of one more thing. Not just a longer life, but PEACE during the life we do have. No matter how long we get to live, those days can be filled with peace. How to get peace? Be in God's Word. Don't forget it. Keep it in our hearts.

Dreams Coming True!

At the beginning of the year, I made a goal to be more in touch with extended family and old friends. I prayed over this goal, and God showed me just how important these relationships are. By phone and my e-mail, before this week I had already connected more with my Aunt Deanna, my Aunt Verna, my friends Amy & Larry Mills, Stephanie & Mark Stokes, and Greg & Megan James. Not to mention the time with Mom and Wade, just by sharing blog entries and that sort of thing.

I have to mention just how special the e-mails from Aunt Deanna have been to me. She has such a gift to encourage others and build them up, as well as a wonderful sense of humor. A beautiful balance of GRACE.

And my friendship with Amy feels as good as it ever was, for the first time in years. Time and miles had caused us to have some hesitation or distance in our relationship for the past few years. But now, it seems like God has brought us back into each other's lives at just the right time. Do you feel that way too, Amy?

Well, this week, two more friends from my past have popped back into my life. Sandy (Reid) Bassett has been a lifelong friend-we go back as far as back is! And today, I heard from a David R. on my blog comments, and hoped to myself this was the same David R. from my childhood. Then, an e-mail from him confirmed it. Joy unspeakable! David Rubemeyer was like a brother to me, growing up across the alley from me, and attending the same grade of school. I'll never forget, he was one of the special ones who took my hand the day of my father's viewing (pre-funeral visitation), and walked to the casket with me. Not many of those types of purely platonic relationships exist. And to my joy, he is serving the Lord. We have so much to catch up on. Thank you, David, for writing!

I'm sorry for all of the exclamation points. I know they are not professional, but they are necessary. I can hardly contain myself!

See what happens when God puts a goal on your heart, and then helps you bring it to pass?

Reject or Accept?

REJECT OR ACCEPT

This week finds me writing query letters. The word query sounds —well— queer. Such and odd word to describe a sort of birthing process. Queries are actually letters inquiring whether an editor of a publication would be interested in considering a proposed article or book. It can be a daunting process. I am humbled when God gives me a story lead. When He does, I know He expects me to take the idea and run with it.

A query begins with a seed thought idea. The idea develops into the bare-bones skeleton of an outline or bulleted main points. Research discovers possible markets. The concept is described for the editor, allowing a sneak peak into the story potential. Finding just the right words is sometimes excruciating. The letter also must include why I should be the one to write the article. It feels uncomfortable to toot my own horn, but that is how the business works. Finally, the letter is submitted for consideration. Then, like anticipating a child's birth, the pacing and praying (and more pacing and praying) begins. Until the editor replies, the writer moves on to the next project.

The market I chose to target this week posted a need to one of my writing groups, and I responded. I presented 4 article ideas. The Web site said it would take 6-8 weeks for a reply. But within just hours, I heard back on 3 articles. For two, the editor requested to see the article on speculation. One more idea was rejected. I'm still waiting on the results of the fourth query, but until then, I must get busy on writing the two articles the editor wants to see. You can probably imagine my excitement to get such a quick response. And a positive one at that!

Sometimes, nonwriters do not understand my passion for the process. When I come up with a story concept, others look at me like it is some pipe dream. Talking to other writers is different. They get it. They provide support and accountability.

Being a Christ follower can be like this. Those outside of the faith just don't understand why we would trust in a God we can't see. Some might even think we are a bit delusional. But other Christians get it. They understand the process. Those further in their journey can offer advice and instruction. We support and pray for each other. The end product is much like getting an acceptance letter from an editor. We have persevered no matter what rejections have come our way. And finally we hear the words every Christian longs to hear, "Well done, thou good and faithful servant."

"Being confident of this very thing, that he which hath begun a good work in you will perform it until the day of Jesus Christ." - Philippians 1:6