I'm Living Out Loud!

Book Recommendation: Overcoming the Nevers

2011-12-13T00:18:00.000-05:00

Take a look at this book trailer video and then read more about Teri Johnson's book, Overcoming the Nevers.

(Just for the record, Teri is not a client of KCWC. I offered this book spotlight because I believe in her project and think her message is relevant for today.)

BACK COPY - SUMMARY
A part of living is enduring challenges and confronting unexpected situations. The “negative NEVERS,” which stem from our list of disappointments, somehow find a way into our lives regardless of our intention.

We are all impacted by the “NEVERS”... ...what have you experienced that you NEVER thought you would?

When we experience “negative NEVERS” that life inevitably throws at us, they can leave lingering feelings of shame, embarrassment and resentment.

These toxic feelings manifest in our lives causing insecurities and fear—for some of us even depression and anxiety. Often times we start to believe lies about who we are, and seek approval from others.

What have you come to believe about who YOU are?

Teri Johnson has been there. She had gotten to a place of hopelessness, a place in her life where she NEVER thought she would be. Teri was stuck and longing for freedom, restoration, and life.

Change was the only option.

Through her journey, Teri discovered that it takes intentional action to restore and recover from this place, and a willingness to overcome.

Are you stuck? If so, you must read this book. Teri Johnson is honored to share with you the tools that she’s learned and how to practically use them in your life to overcome your worst NEVERS.

Expect to:

discover truth
Embrace love
Experience joy

AUTHOR BIO
Teri Johnson is the President and Founder of Keeping it Personal, keepingitpersonal.com. She is a speaker and sought-after personal growth expert who enjoys great conversations while sipping coffee, photography, and soaking up as many sunsets as she can. Teri is passionate about helping others as an encourager and a cheerleader to many. The author lives a joy-filled life, deeply devoted to her husband, her two boys, and her relationship with God.

Teri found that there is no better way to start our day than with some inspiration. It helps keep us grounded and in tune with what’s most important. She wants to share that connection with you, please join her Daily KIP network to receive an inspirational quote, little nuggets of through in your inbox every morning. http://keepingitpersonal.com/daily-kip/

CONNECT

Connect with Teri at www.terijohnson.com

Facebook: http://fb.com/keepingitpersonal

http://fb.com/terijohnson.writes

Twitter: http://twitter.com/keepitpersonal

Stories of Two Readers for Dewey's Read-a-Thon Day

2011-10-21T15:09:00.000-05:00

Photo Credit: Michael Wade Carlton, 2007

In honor of Dewey’s Read-a-Thon on Saturday, my friend Joy Weese Moll and I are posting our reading tales, childhood stories about reading. We grew up in the same small town, so we share similar experiences but focused on different ones when writing about our memories of reading. One thing strong in the mind of us both are our memories of the Carnegie public library in our hometown.

A Reading Tale

By Kathy Carlton Willis

The love of story leads us all to devote time from our busy schedules to visit a new world, a new time, a new way of life. Because time is precious, it makes sense to maximize our reading experiences as much as possible. I’ve always been a lover of books. What’s your rite-of-passage book story?

I’ll start with my own reading tale.

My mother encouraged me to learn to read as soon I started school. She was a voracious reader, eager for me to develop the same love of books she had. This Chatty Kathy loved every form of communications since my first spoken word, and the written word was no different. I took to it like gravy goes with biscuits. Remember those Weekly Reader magazines (oh, the delicious smell of the ink and paper!)? And the SRA Reading Lab inspired me to read not just for speed, but for retention—thanks to those specialized tests. It was my goal to make it through each level before the appointed time. To this day, I still like to beat deadlines.

I received my first public library card as soon as I started school, and Mom walked us kids to the library several times a month to pick up books. Yes, it seemed like it was two miles uphill both ways, but it was worth it! Our little town of four thousand was blessed with a Carnegie library (built in 1905) full of well-loved books. Mom taught me how to follow my favorite authors, and I read every title they’d ever written. I knew how to thumb through a card catalog and recite the Dewey decimal system as well as I could spell my own name. By the time I outgrew the children’s section, I had read every book and graduated to the “grown-up” shelves.

Now I’ve grown up even more. My love affair for words inspired me to start my own communications firm, so I get to fiddle with words all day long. We promote authors and books, and present programs to various groups, stringing together words we’ve written, edited, proposed, sung, spoken, coached, pitched, and more! Words thrill me. Story entices me—draws me in—beckons to me.

Most avid readers have been caught saying their idea of a time-out from stress and life involves curling up with a good book—claw-foot tub or blazing fireplace optional. Some readers aren’t quite as gung ho to dig in to their “to be read” piles. They want to like to read, but they aren’t quite there yet.

My favorite reading tip is this: Don’t waste time on a mediocre book. When reading for recreation, remember that you aren’t in school anymore. You aren’t being graded for reading every word. So if a book doesn’t appeal to you, put it down! Grab a different one. We have only so much time in life—definitely not enough time to get bogged down with a boring or confusing story line. Just because a book earned rave reviews doesn’t mean it’s the right book for you, any more than gorgeous size 7 shoes will fit size 10 feet!

Think about your own reading tale. What was it like when you learned to read? What turned you on to books? Do you recall the favorite authors of your early years? Who inspired you to read more? Did reading lists and contests in school motivate you to try harder? What challenges you today in your reading? We all have a story—even a reading story!

Louisiana (MO) Public Library

By Joy Weese Moll

The stone building that housed my hometown public library seemed a castle filled with books when I was twelve. Walking up the steps to the bright red double doors, I approached the entrance to a place of magic.

The previous summer, I exhausted the library’s small collection of books for children by finishing the L. Frank Baum series of Oz books. I wanted to advance to the adult room for more books. In particular, after reading my mother’s copy of Little Women over the winter, I was eager to read Little Men.

With both hands and leaning back my body for counterweight, I pulled the iron handle of the heavy door while crafting a plan to prove my worthiness for the adult room. Once through the foyer, two sensations rushed over me, the refreshing coolness of air conditioning and the comforting smell of books. After nodding to the librarian as a greeting, I went to the children’s shelves to search for my book. As I remembered, Frank L. Baum filled much of one shelf. Scanning back to the authors beginning with A, there was no Alcott.

The card catalog was next to the children’s shelves. I’d never consulted it at the public library, but we learned how at school. Trusting it to be similar, I slowly slipped open the drawer marked ‘Authors A,’ trying to minimize the sound of sliding wood in the quiet room. A card for Little Men told me that the library owned a copy. Then I was stuck. The organization of the adult room remained a mystery to me and I was unsure if I could be stopped for entry without permission. I wrote the call number, simply the first three letters of the author’s last name, on the provided scrap paper as I learned in school.

I approached the wood counter behind which Mrs. Sterne ruled all she saw, the children’s shelves, the card catalog, and the entrance to the adult room. “Yes?” she glanced up from the stack of books that she sorted onto a library cart.

“I’m looking for Little Men by Louisa May Alcott,” I said in a rush, holding up my slip with the letters ALC on it.

“Fiction is through the door, along the wall, alphabetical by author. The A’s start on the right.” Apparently, there was no protocol. All I had to do was cross the threshold and I would be in the adult room with a vista of books, ten times as many as in the children’s section. I scurried through the doorway before Mrs. Sterne could change her mind.

Once out of her line of sight, I found the copy of Little Men that I craved and was thrilled to discover several other books with ALC on the spine: Jo’s Boys, Eight Cousins, and Rose in Bloom. Alone except for a man absorbed in his study of books open on the table in front of him, I took a few moments to explore this new space. Tip-toeing down the alphabet of dark wood shelves built into plastered walls, I passed the novels of Victoria Holt and Emilie Loring, all the way to Elswyth Thane shelved next to the portrait of Andrew Carnegie over the unused fireplace.

Clutching Little Men, I walked sedately, as befitted a newly-minted initiate to the inner sanctum of the library, to the counter to check out my first book from the adult shelves at the Louisiana Public Library in Louisiana, Missouri.

What are your early memories of libraries?

Joy Weese Moll is a librarian writing about books at Joy's Book Blog.

September 11th, Ten Year Anniversary

2011-09-09T08:57:00.001-05:00

Below is the newspaper column I wrote right after 9-11 happened. To be honest, I remember how much I struggled to know what to write. Everything sounded trite and insignificant when facing the magnitude of our country's loss and fears. I see now that my writing has also improved in the past 10 years (I would hope!), but I'm still posting this in memory of 9-11. May we always remember that day and may we always honor those who paid the ultimate price.

September 11

As I sit in front of the television watching the news unfold, my deadline approaches to send in my column. How can I possibly write something now to address our national condition that will still be relevant next week? So much can happen in seven days’ time. So all I can do is just reflect and share from my heart to yours.

One thing we have learned from this tragedy is how fragile life really is. Watching the gut-wrenching video clips on the news caused many of us to put ourselves in the shoes of those who died. All any of us can do is live like it is our last day on earth. Only then will we have no regrets.

Another thing we have dealt with since 9-11 is the spirit of fear that has clung in the air much like the smoke and debris was in the air around the footprint of the World Trade Center. My favorite verse is 2 Timothy 1:7, which says,

“For God hath not given us the spirit of fear; but of power, and of love, and of a sound mind.”

God gives us all three things mentioned there. Even when we feel powerless, we can be strengthened by His omnipotence. While we are hurting from the hatred in this world, we can know His unconditional love. And finally, when the enemy wants to confuse us, God can comfort us with the calm assurance of a sound mind.

I have been blessed to see the unifying spirit of our great nation. We are seeing patriotism again. Compassion is being shown. Donations of blood, monetary gifts, and volunteer service are being offered up. A small price to pay in the wake of the ultimate price many have already paid for our country.

I know God can comfort us, as His only Son paid the ultimate price for each of us.

CPD 23 (Thing #5 & #6)-Reflective Writing & Online Networks

2011-07-30T00:09:00.000-05:00

The CPD 23 Thing #5—Reflective Writing
I'm participating (albeit tardy) in a program for current professional development. Thing #5 is to consider reflective writing online. It is essentially reviewing the experiences we've gone through, evaluating them through reflection, and using it to develop where we go from here—not just in future actions, but for character development. This is a practice I do often in my writing.
See LINK for full write-up about Reflective Writing on CPD 23.

The CPD 23 Thing #6—Online Networks
I am active on facebook, twitter and linked-in, all recommended by CPD 23, but have not been involved in some of the other online networks mentioned, mainly because the others were more for librarians than the rest of us. I teach social networking in seminars, and don't believe there's just one right way to do it. For me, I've found my most social network is on facebook, and my most business network is linked-in. Twitter is somewhere in-between. I have about 6250 contacts total at this point, and it grows almost daily. I love the balance of getting to do business and pleasure all in one place!
See this LINK for full write up by CPD 23.

FIRST WILD CARD TOUR: When Bad Christians Happen to Good People

2011-07-21T10:18:00.000-05:00

It is time for a FIRST Wild Card Tour book review! If you wish to join the FIRST blog alliance, just click the button. We are a group of reviewers who tour Christian books. A Wild Card post includes a brief bio of the author and a full chapter from each book toured. The reason it is called a FIRST Wild Card Tour is that you never know if the book will be fiction, non~fiction, for young, or for old...or for somewhere in between! Enjoy your free peek into the book!

You never know when I might play a wild card on you!

Today's Wild Card author is:

Dave Burchett

MY VIEW OF THE BOOK:
I've been discussing the woes of "expectations" on my blog in June and July. This book covers yet another variety of the expectations some people face. Sometimes as Christians, we deal with other believers who try to strong-arm us into some sort of shame. They should work as travel advisers because they've mastered the art of the guilt trip. The author has obviously been hurt by some of these "spiritual" abusers and has also witnessed the pain of others. Like many of us, this experience has left him with some snarky attitudes regarding what happened. For me anyway, sometimes mixing sarcasm and humor is my first approach when I try to cope with the damage. Could that be what the author is doing as well? I certainly related to many of his descriptions, so for his transparency, he earns points! Some of the comments might come off as a bit harsh, but I think it shows how far down we spiral when we've been beat up by "church folks." Sadly these often well-meaning individuals (the ones who are hurting others in the name of God) can put a black-eye on the whole of Christianity.

Dave Burchett's subtitle describes the goal of the book: "Where we have failed each other and how to reverse the damage."

His back cover copy helps fine tune that—
After dealing with his own hurt, Dave Burchett now shows believers how to:
* Live as Jesus followers, not rule enforcers
* Stop using religious performance as the standard for accepting others
* Let go of moralism, legalism, and an allegiance to trying harder
* Discover God's grace as a daily reality, not just a word to use in evangelism

This book helped reveal bits about me on both sides of the equation. Sometimes I'm the one trying to force my expectations on others, and sometimes I'm the one being hurt when others are forcing their expectations on me. As I move outside the umbrella of "ought to do" thoughts and enter the umbrella of grace, I find I am now equipped to strive for holiness without coming across as holier-than-thou. We are all on the journey, some of us are further along at different points. And we all face obstacles, set-backs and detours. So it's not a guilt-trip journey, it's a grace journey. I do want the best for others, so they can experience the joy of pleasing God, but I'm learning to do this without legalism. And I'm praying I can deal with those who still try to "guilt" me into the fear of disappointing God. Often what they are really telling me is I should fear disappointing THEM. And news flash...they aren't God!
(Kathy Carlton Willis)

and the book:

When Bad Christians Happen to Good People:
Where We Have Failed Each Other and How to Reverse the Damage

WaterBrook Press; Reprint edition (July 19, 2011)

***Special thanks to Lynette Kittle, Senior Publicist, WaterBrook Multnomah, a Division of Random House for sending me a review copy.***

ABOUT THE AUTHOR:

Dave Burchett started his career as a disc jockey in Ohio, and later moved into sports broadcasting. An Emmy Award-winning television sports director, he has directed events ranging from baseball Hall of Famer Nolan Ryan’s sixth no-hit game to the Summer Olympics. The author of Bring ’Em Back Alive and a blogger on Crosswalk.com and theFish.com, Burchett writes honestly and authentically out of his personal experience. He and his wife, Joni, live in Texas and have three adult sons and a daughter in heaven.

Visit the author's website.

SHORT BOOK DESCRIPTION:

Have you been wounded by bad Christians? Author Dave Burchett experienced that kind of pain and offers authentic help and understanding. In this revised and updated edition, he states, “I am not the same guy who first wrote When Bad Christians Happen to Good People. Writing that manuscript was part of a refining process that God used to bring me to the Throne of Grace and then to begin to create a room of grace around me.”

Product Details:

List Price: $14.99
Paperback: 256 pages
Publisher: WaterBrook Press; Reprint edition (July 19, 2011)
Language: English
ISBN-10: 0307729923
ISBN-13: 978-0307729927

AND NOW...THE FIRST CHAPTER:

The Unfriendliest Club in Town?

The greatest single cause of atheism in the world today is Christians who acknowledge Jesus with their lips then walk out the door and deny him by their lifestyle. That is what an unbelieving world simply finds unbelievable.

—Brennan Manning

Author Flannery O’Connor once noted in a letter to a friend, “It seems to be a fact that you have to suffer as much from the church as for it.” I believe her. The most painful experience of my marriage came courtesy of the church.

In 1985 my wife, Joni, gave birth to our daughter, Katie. We were thrilled, but our happiness dissolved into grief when we learned that Katie had a terminal neural tube birth defect. Her condition was known as anencephaly, meaning that in the womb her brain had not developed normally. She basically possessed just the brain stem and was not expected to live more than a few hours or days. The delivery-room doctor described her situation in physician-speak that I will never forget. “Her condition is not compatible with life,” he said.

Our shock and grief were immediate because Katie would have no chance to enjoy a normal life. There would be no cure, no hope for even modest improvement. I went through the painful process of calling family and friends. And I had to tell our two sons about their sister.

But Kathryn Alice Burchett confounded the doctors and lived. She was never able to open her eyes, nor could she smile. Katie also lacked the ability to regulate her body temperature, so her room temperature had to be monitored. Part of Katie’s deformity was an opening with exposed tissue at the back of her skull. It had to be covered regularly with a new dressing.

Joni loved and cared for Katie in a way I will always respect and never forget. She insisted that Katie come home with us. I worried about the effect that caring for Katie at home might have on the boys. Truthfully, I was probably more concerned about the effect bringing her home would have on me. But Joni would not have it any other way, and when she sets her mind to something she is scrappy. So I showed my spiritual wisdom by agreeing with her.

Katie found her place in our family’s routines. She could drink from a bottle. Katie responded to her mother’s touch and even grew a little. We took her on a camping trip with us, and she was a regular at the boys’ ball games and other events.

Sometimes people would make hurtful or mean remarks. A kid at school taunted our oldest son because his sister didn’t have a brain. (That was something the classmate had no doubt heard at home, and it reminds me that we should always be cautious about what we say in front of our children.) Once, when we wanted a family photo taken, we dressed up the troops and went to a photography studio. The photographer insisted that Katie needed to open her eyes. We explained patiently (for a while) that she physically could not open her eyes. He informed us that we couldn’t get our picture taken because their lab would not develop a picture if any person in the group didn’t have their eyes open. Katie totally upset their system, and they would not flex. We finally left without the photos and ended up going to a private photographer. Still, all things considered, our life with Katie went about as well as it could.

Then the church entered in.

One Sunday morning before church, a friend called to tell us that Katie would no longer be welcome in the nursery. The moms had met and decided (without any input from us) that Katie might die in their care and traumatize some volunteer worker. They worried that the opening at the back of Katie’s skull could generate a staph infection. In truth, however, the nursery workers did not have to deal with potential infection because the opening was covered with a sterile dressing and a bonnet, and it required no special attention during the brief time she was in the nursery each Sunday. And there was almost no danger of spreading infection because Katie did not interact with other babies. Clearly, a little caution would have eliminated any possible risk.

As to the possibility that she might die while in their care, we knew she was going to die. No one would have been to blame. Since we were in a church of only one hundred fifty people, I think they could have found us fairly quickly in an emergency. If they had come to us with their concerns, we might have been able to put the volunteers’ fears to rest. But the decision was made without us. Katie was no longer welcome, and our church had done what I had not thought possible: they made our pain worse.

Joni was devastated, more hurt than I have ever seen her before or since. I am sure our church didn’t intend to wound us as they did, but the hurt lingered for years. And the pain was multiplied by the method. We had no warning that there were concerns. We received no invitation to come and address concerns. Instead, a secret meeting was followed by a phone call to tell us what had already been decided. I’m not the only one with this kind of story.

I know a pastor in the Midwest who suffered the tragic loss of his wife to leukemia. Within a matter of weeks the board asked him to resign because they did not want the church to be led by an unmarried pastor! This grieving man had to change denominations in order to continue his ministry.

It is a miracle and tribute to God’s grace that he kept going at all.

In my hometown of Chillicothe, Ohio, an acquaintance finally decided it was time to get his family into a church. He loaded up the crew and visited one nearby. The church immediately showed a tremendous and heartfelt concern for his…grooming issues. You see, Roy had the audacity to show up in God’s house with a full beard, not unlike Jesus’ in the picture hanging in the foyer. A church leader met Roy on the way out.

“So are you going to start worshiping with us?” he asked.

“Why, yes,” Roy replied. “We want to start coming to church.”

The church leader looked at him and said, “Well, I hope you will have shaved by next Sunday.” Because of that comment, it took another twenty years before Roy found a regular church home.

Stuck in Legalism: The Airing of Grievances

And at the Festivus dinner, you gather your family around, and you tell them all the ways they have disappointed you over the past year!

—Frank Costanza, Seinfeld episode “The Strike”

Most of us chuckle over the invented holiday of Festivus. In the famous Seinfeld episode, Frank Costanza explains how he grew frustrated with the commercialism of Christmas:

Frank Costanza: Many Christmases ago, I went to buy a doll for my son. I reached for the last one they had, but so did another man. As I rained blows upon him, I realized there had to be another way.

Cosmo Kramer: What happened to the doll?

Frank Costanza: It was destroyed. But out of that, a new holiday was born: a Festivus for the rest of us!
Part of the “tradition” of Festivus was the airing of grievances to all who came to dinner. Frank Costanza’s frustration with Christmas commercialism mirrors my angst over the odd brand of Christianity that we’ve too often foisted on our culture. I am borrowing Frank’s concept of the airing of grievances. Actually, churchgoers are pretty good at the airing of grievances, even without the Festivus excuse. In the Seinfeld episode, the airing of grievances is followed by the traditional “feats of strength.” The head of the household selects one person at the Festivus celebration and challenges that person to a wrestling match. Festivus is not over until the head of the household is pinned. Wouldn’t that be a fascinating addition to our church bylaws?

Section 7: Resolution of Conflict

The elders shall invite the congregation to an annual church potluck, followed by the airing of grievances. The potluck shall be followed by praise songs and then the feats of strength. The congregational meeting shall not be adjourned until an elder is pinned to the mat by a church member.
Perhaps the sight of a volunteer wrestling with an elder would be silly enough to help us understand that 98 percent of our grievances are pointless in the context of the Great Commission and the Greatest Commandment. But there is a place for the airing of grievances, especially in reference to the way we do Christianity in this culture. But I pray that I will always come around to grace and truth that enable the real feats of strength to be our focus. I hope we will learn how to trust God to demonstrate truly amazing feats of strength, such as forgiveness, selflessness, serving, and unity.

My Personal History with Legalism

My own grievances date back more than four decades (gulp) to a legalistic church in Chillicothe, Ohio. I have to start with my spiritual pedigree, since that figures prominently into my dysfunction. I was raised in a non-church going family. At the age of fifteen, I started going to church for a very spiritual reason: a cute girl I knew attended that church. Unfortunately, my first church experience was with a congregation that was so legalistic it went out of business.

Seriously.

The denomination this church was part of is not even around anymore because they couldn’t round up enough miserable people to keep it functioning. My nickname for our dysfunctional church body was “The First Church of Misery Loves Company…But We Probably Won’t Love You.” We sang “Amazing Grace” but wouldn’t have recognized grace if it had snuck up and bit us on our self-righteous backsides.

This church featured a lengthy altar call every Sunday to target the one or two unsaved folks who might have stumbled in. I was the target one memorable Sunday. They sang fifteen verses of “Just as I Am” and then the preacher told a tragic story about a man who rejected a moment like this and then was flattened by a steamroller on the way home. According to the preacher, the man was now being tormented in hell. Meanwhile, my ADD brain was wondering why a steamroller was out on a Sunday. Then we shifted to singing “Softly and Tenderly” about a dozen times. Apparently, all of this was designed to give me a little taste of what eternity would be like.

One of the pillars of the church was a matronly lady who was—how can I say this kindly?—not underfed. In a scene that would have been hilarious if it hadn’t involved me, this substantial saint tried to drag me to the altar. I was like a Labrador retriever being pulled into the vet’s office with legs splayed out and fighting every inch of the way.

This church wasn’t acquainted with the role of the Holy Spirit in salvation. Getting sinners to the altar was the goal, whether that sinner wanted to be there or not. Their philosophy of ministry was simple: “You will get saved, and you will like it!”

I resisted this church pillar’s gentle headlock to heaven that Sunday in spite of the risk of being flattened by a steamroller on the way home. But a couple of days later I did pray the sinner’s prayer, without being dragged anywhere. And that began a journey of good, bad, and ugly that has lasted for more than forty years so far. While it is true that I heard and accepted the gospel message after attending that church, my early doctrinal exposure would prove to be an ongoing problem.
Hypocrites or Healers?

The word hypocrite comes from the Greek word hyprokrites, meaning one who plays a part, an actor. Probably no word is more destructively used in describing Christians than hypocrite. André Gide once defined a true hypocrite (an oxymoron?) as the “one who ceases to perceive his deception, the one who lies with sincerity.”

Inevitably, my first and natural reaction upon hearing the word is to think of people I consider guilty of hypocrisy. When it was revealed that Reverend Ted Haggard had been engaged in inappropriate relationships, my first reaction was to smite him with my hypocrite hammer. But instead I should have asked God to shine a light in my own dark places to see if a similar lack of integrity lives in my own heart.

One of the most stinging rebukes Jesus ever issued concerned the hypocrisy of the Pharisees (see Matthew 6). These religious leaders liked to be seen and heard when praying, recognized when giving money, and pitied when fasting. Had the Jerusalem Broadcasting Network been on the air, you just know that slick-haired Pharisees would have hosted the prime-time programs.

Today, the church condemns those who drink and smoke and live immoral lives, while churchgoers freely engage in gluttony and gossip and selfishness and bigotry. The un-churched stand by in amazed, bemused, cynical, or angry observance of our hypocrisy. And they lose respect for our message.

As a young man, I sat through many sermons in which the preacher condemned tobacco and “devil alcohol.” Immediately following, the congregation would enjoy a potluck dinner where apparently the demon of calories was a welcome guest. It seems to me that morbid obesity is also a desecration of the temple (our body). Is that not also wrong? Overweight churchgoers often explain their extra pounds by citing low metabolism or thyroid disorders. I acknowledge that, for many, there could be a legitimate medical reason behind the weight gain. But if church members can fall back on metabolism as an excuse, shouldn’t we allow for the possibility that someone else’s addiction to nicotine might be similarly genetically predisposed? Or that someone with a weakness for alcohol or drugs could suffer from a brain-chemistry imbalance that exacerbates the problem?

We all are broken people, whether we are gluttons, gossips, smokers, drinkers, or hypocrites. I believe with all of my being in the life-changing power of God. I know He can empower an alcoholic to become and stay dry. I have witnessed that truth. I believe God can give a smoker the strength to snuff out his last cigarette. I am convinced God can enable a person to flush pills and drugs down the drain once and for all.

Church members love to condemn addictions. But not all addictions. The uncomfortable flip side is that Christians too often overlook God’s power to help us overcome certain of the “favored” addictions. Why don’t more Christians acknowledge the truth that God can give us the power to walk away from the buffet table? That He can give me the strength to bridle my tongue when I am privy to gossip that would hurt another person? Should I not recognize that God might want me to keep driving my unsexy old car or keep watching a conventional, low-tech television instead of a giant screen 3-D HDTV in order to free up my resources to help someone in need?

I marvel at Christ’s approach to sinners. Obviously He could not have condoned the lifestyles and actions of many who surrounded Him. Yet He was drawn to the spiritually needy and they to Him. Prostitutes, lepers, and tax collectors all felt the need to hear what Jesus had to say. (Note to my IRS friends: In first-century culture, tax collectors were turncoats who unfairly extorted their own people for personal gain. Nothing at all like the honorable members of our fine government tax organization evaluating my home-office deductions on this year’s tax return.)

It seems the people who were the most uncomfortable around Jesus were the ones known to be the most religious—the churchgoers, as it were. Those who are most ill need the physician’s time, and Jesus gravitated to the ER cases. I have friends who are physicians, and probably no patient annoys them more than a hypochondriac. These unfortunate people drain the resources and time of medical personnel that could be far better used healing the truly sick. It seems to me that Jesus dealt with the hypochondriacs of His day (the Pharisees and other religious people) with that same attitude. Jesus had little patience with those who failed to recognize their true spiritual symptoms. But He was always willing to see the spiritually ill.

The church should be in the business of addressing spiritual illness. When you are deathly ill, you don’t start thinking of going to the health club: “Well, this will be a lovely time to get in shape. I feel horrible, and I think I’m going to die, but at least I’ll be a trim corpse.” Yet many churches have communicated that only the spiritually healthy are welcome there. The result is that the spiritually needy think their lives are too far gone to be accepted at church, when in fact their brokenness makes them ready to receive God’s amazing grace. But too many avoid the ER, thinking that going to church would make them uncomfortable or heighten their guilt. They sense they would be judged and treated with condescension.

Yes, some of these feelings are self-inflicted wounds. But many are not. We must face the possibility that we are doing things that make hurting people stay away from the church. Do you ever think your health is too messed up for you to go to the hospital? Does a hospital ever communicate that you are just a little too sick to come in? When did the church step away from its responsibility to heal emotional pain and meet physical, emotional, and spiritual needs? Steve Martin used to say, “Comedy isn’t pretty.” Sometimes ministry isn’t either. Sometimes it requires us to pay a price.

Most of us don’t much like to be around the truly spiritually ill because it makes us uncomfortable. Treating the spiritually ill is draining, and it comes with no guarantee of success. We would rather hire someone to clean up the mess and report back to us at a praise service. Yet how can we preach Christ’s love and not care about those with HIV/AIDS? How can we talk about God’s grace but ignore other people’s physical needs? How can we talk about the importance of giving and then spend money on things we don’t need, often to curry the approval of people we don’t really care about? How can we minister to others when we don’t first meet the spiritual needs of our own families? How can we win the respect of the world when we cruise around in luxury vehicles and turn our faces away from hurting people?

Do we think that if we ignore the problems, perhaps God will not hold us accountable?

My family had a wonderful golden retriever for fourteen adventure filled years. If Marley (of book and movie fame) was the “world’s worst dog,” then our dog, Charlie, would have been an honored runner-up. Charlie was an aficionado of used Kleenex and paper towels. He knew I disapproved of him running off with tissues, so each time he nabbed one, Charlie would dash to the family room and stick his head and front quarters under a Queen Anne chair. He didn’t realize that 75 percent of his body was sticking out, with his tail wagging wildly. He thought he was safe from retribution because his face was hidden.

Is it any less ridiculous to think that we Christians can avoid our responsibilities as Christ’s representatives on earth? Are Christians any smarter than Charlie when we avert our gaze from the needs of others and convince ourselves that God won’t notice? Somehow I don’t think

God smiles and says, “Oh, that Dave, he was just too busy to notice his friend was in pain. But that’s okay.” No. Instead, my selfishness sticks out just as noticeably as Charlie’s rear end. (There is a certain symmetry in that comparison.) Adam’s first impulse was to hide when God held him accountable in the Garden of Eden, and not much has changed since then in people’s hearts. It was just as futile for Adam as it was for Charlie and me to try to hide from our sin.

Country Club Christian

The rules and regulations at the legalistic church I attended when I was young smothered the concept of grace. No jewelry for women. No mixed bathing. (That one was a wild fantasy for my adolescent hormones, until I realized they meant swimming.) No musical instruments in the church, other than a piano or organ. I never did find the biblical basis for that one.

“And thou shalt have no stringed instruments or percussive idols.”

No long hair for men. No short hair for women. No shorts. No cussing. No makeup. No pants for women. No card playing. No movies. No dancing. No smoking. No drinking. I actually sat through a sermon in which the preacher spent sixty minutes trying to explain that the wine of the New Testament was actually grape juice. So Jesus turned the water into Welch’s? What a wedding feast that must have been, with great food and a fine vintage grape juice. “It’s a lovely little vintage…stomped just this morning.”

On and on the list went. If any activity involved an ounce of pleasure, you could be reasonably certain that it was forbidden. People in our church used to put a sheet over their television set when the preacher made a house call. As if the good reverend wouldn’t know that a “devil’s box” was hiding under the cover. Obviously God wouldn’t know either. I mean, how could the Creator of the universe possibly know that the big, box-shaped object under the oddly placed sheet was a TV set? The effect of the long list of prohibitions was predictable: We experienced no joy, no peace, no assurance of God’s forgiveness—and no interest from anyone outside our miserable little circle. And while we were told to never play cards, dance, or attend a movie, nothing was said against a long list of much more repulsive things. Things like pride, racism, and bigotry. There was not a stated policy, but you would never have seen a “colored” (our term for African Americans) in our church. Actually, only the more “open-minded” in our body called African Americans “coloreds.” The less enlightened used the term “darkies”—or worse. It was mentioned that black Christians had their own churches, and it was assumed that having separate churches was somehow God’s will. That memory still hurts my heart. Members of our church also railed against Jews. I heard it stated from the pulpit that Jews were ruining our country, while the fact that the Savior happened to be a Jew was ignored. And don’t even begin to mention “sodomites,” as we so colorfully called the gay population.

I was attending a church for people who looked like all the others, talked like all the others, dressed alike, believed the same things, and even shared the same prejudices. No wonder so many people feel excluded. If you don’t look or sound or dress like a promising candidate for club membership, of course you’ll feel alienated. Even some who are already members feel alienated.

Jesus’ church is not a highbrow country club. And believers who hang around with a homogeneous group of carbon-copy Christians limit their growth. The church should exclude no one. The church should welcome those who are unwelcome in other places. And yet most churches are not places where people feel comfortable, especially if they are found to be in open violation of any of the proscribed activities. In fact, a person could be living a completely normal life and still feel uncomfortable in church.

Passing the Test

Outsiders have good reason to be wary, but so do insiders. Christians often accept (and enforce) a hierarchy within the church. Have you ever wished that certain people would remain on the sidelines, or even completely out of sight, in your congregation? You would be more comfortable bringing un-churched friends if the slightly embarrassing brothers and sisters weren’t out in the open.

How amazing that our prideful minds can even think like that. My own family reunion—as much as I love my relatives—would look much better if attendance were by invitation only. Let’s face it, when you include the entire family, there are some embarrassing, even tense, moments.

So it is with any church family, and it shouldn’t come as a surprise. After all, consider what we are dealing with: sinners. The “acceptable” members as well as the ones who sometimes cause embarrassment—and even the ones behind the pulpit—are all sinners. And that invites problems. I recall dating a girl long before I met my beloved Joni. I asked her to go to church with me. Since she wasn’t a Christian, she was unaware of the official rules. She arrived at church wearing a dress that didn’t completely cover her shoulders. She had simply worn her best outfit; she had no idea she was doing anything wrong. (Of course, she wasn’t doing anything wrong, but you get the point.) From the moment we walked in, the two of us felt the saints’ reproachful, laser-beam stares of righteousness drilling into us. Instead of asking God to make her heart receptive to His Word, I spent the service worrying about what the pea-brained congregation thought of me. (I could almost hear their thoughts: How could Dave bring a hussy like that to church? ) There were a handful of gracious people who welcomed us, but most folks were too busy being appalled.

This would not happen in a sinner-sensitive church. The sinner sensitive church (SSC) is my proposal for a new church movement committed to making everyone feel welcomed and loved. The SSC would model nonjudgmental attitudes. Issues such as having tattoos, body piercings, weird hair, or ugly shoes would not be equated with demon possession. The SSC would pledge not to gossip, because we would realize that it’s only by the grace of God that we are not the current targets. The sinner sensitive church would value every spiritual, physical, and financial gift, no matter how big or small. This church would appreciate but not elevate the person who made possible the new multipurpose wing through his or her enormous financial gift.

The SSC would make it a practice to reach out and care for one another sacrificially because we know that we all fall down in life. At the SSC we would have corporate executives holding hands in prayer with laborers and not thinking twice about it. Blacks and whites and Hispanics and others would break bread together because we all are sinners in the eyes of a color-blind God.

The sinner-sensitive church would give freely out of profound gratitude to a God who somehow saw fit to give us an undeserved chance. The sinner-sensitive church would practice the prodigal-son ministry, running to welcome those who are returning home from mistakes and bad decisions and sin. Our members would get involved in other people’s lives. We would lovingly hold our brothers and sisters accountable to godly standards. Marriage would be cherished and taken seriously as a body of believers. Families would have a community of support during problems and trials.

Congregation members would not be so self-centered that they would demand the undivided attention of the pastor at every little crisis. Other believers would help meet many of the needs that Christians often prefer to leave to the “professionals” on staff. The people of this church would come on Sunday with hearts ready to be fed but also realizing that God has provided resources beyond any available in history to meet their spiritual hunger. Should they walk out the church doors still feeling needy, they would know they can draw from the marvelous resources of Christian books, music, radio, video, digital downloads, and studies to meet their needs.

The sinner-sensitive church would also delight in the company of other spiritual travelers and make it a priority that no one would ever feel alone. We would make each other feel valuable but, on occasion, a little uncomfortable. Being comfortable in church is not the primary goal. I am not always comfortable at the dentist’s office. I often arrive in pain because I have neglected to do what I should have done. The staff always makes me feel welcome and even cared for. Then the dentist confronts me with the truth: “You have let this go too long, and I must hurt you (a little) in order to heal you. You will have to pay a financial price and spend time recovering before you are completely well.” Those are the facts of my dental-hygiene sin.

Likewise, the sinner-sensitive church would not back off the truth, but we would seek God’s love to communicate that truth with grace so healing could take place. Decay, whether it appears in tooth enamel or the soul, must be addressed. We will tell one another the truth and explain that the process might be painful. We would participate in ongoing preventative maintenance and help one another deal with problems as soon as possible, before they become even more painful and expensive to fix.

The SSC would worship with enthusiasm, whether singing hymns or praise choruses, because God is worthy of that praise. The sinner-sensitive fellowship would have a sense of profound reverence because we have received God’s grace, the most amazing gift ever offered. The sinner sensitive church would be so excited about this grace that the incredible news of the gospel would be as much a part of who we are as our jobs and our families.

Our Lord’s ministry style was sinner sensitive. He made Himself available to people who realized their need. Merely being a seeker did not necessarily merit His time. The wealthy young man came to Jesus to find out what he still needed to do to receive eternal life. However, the jarring truth of Christ’s answer—telling the man to sell his possessions and give the money to the poor—revealed that he was not ready to follow Christ (see Matthew 19:16–22). But when sinners came with a humble confession of need and a willingness to obey God, Jesus never turned them away. The church of Acts was sinner sensitive and functioned much in the way I have described above.

Frankly, sometimes we try a little too hard to attract the un-churched. A church that functioned like the one described above would be such a societal miracle that you couldn’t keep people away if you locked the doors. And while the majority of my idealism has been beaten out of me, I still believe that such a church will be possible when we finally get tired of faking it as a church. The needed change will not come until we are willing to pay the price for a sinner-sensitive church. Receiving grace is easy, but giving grace is costly.

The harsh reality is that most of us are afraid to commit to this radical type of fellowship because we aren’t sure what it would require of us. My own natural reaction is, “Praise the Lord, but keep the Lexus!” I’ll hazard a guess that you are the same. When the rich young man in Matthew heard Jesus’ words to him, “he went away sad, because he had great wealth” (19:22).

Governed by Grace

Author Philip Yancey shared a compelling illustration about a recovering alcoholic friend who attends Alcoholics Anonymous meetings. His friend said, “When I’m late to church, people turn around and stare at me with frowns of disapproval. I get the clear message that I’m not as responsible as they are. When I’m late to AA, the meeting comes to a halt and everyone jumps up to hug and welcome me. They realize that my lateness may be a sign that I almost didn’t make it.”

Twelve-step support groups have become what the body of Christ could and, in fact, should be. And while the roots of Alcoholics Anonymous are firmly planted in Christian grace, why did the movement have to be launched in the first place? Shouldn’t the church be the place that welcomes hurting men and women so that they would instinctively be drawn to receive the help they need? Shouldn’t the church be a place of abundant grace where people have your back because they realize their own condition? Shouldn’t followers of Christ understand that at any moment they could need that same grace?

Even a cursory study of the life of Christ will reveal that any of us could have quite comfortably walked into His “twelve-guy” program and announced our status as sinners. In fact, that little confession would have moved us to the head of the class and could very well have made us Teacher’s pet. So why has the church repelled so many of those who have the needs Christ has equipped us to address? I realize that it is not entirely the fault of the church that the spiritually ill stay away. But it seems to me that we had better examine the part of the problem we’re responsible for.

When I was a kid, the spread of tuberculosis was a big concern. Those with the disease were isolated in a hospital-like dormitory with the scary name “sanatorium.” Whenever I’d pass the sanatorium in our town, I would look fearfully at the building. I knew the people inside had something I did not want to come into contact with. Knowing that many people today drive by a church with the resolve to avoid contact with Christians at all costs gives me a sick feeling in the pit of my stomach.

Every person should find the most level playing field of all in the church. In Jesus’ eyes, the soul of a Fortune 500 CEO is no more valuable than the soul of a meth addict. That sort of thinking is scandalous to most of us because it contradicts our culture’s values. We honor looks, money, power, and fame. Jesus cared about none of those. In Luke 16:14–15, the gospel writer talked about “the Pharisees, who loved money, [and] heard all this [Jesus talking about the parable of the shrewd manager] and were sneering at Jesus. [That is a phrase that I hope to never see next to my name.] He said to them, ‘You are the ones who justify yourselves in the eyes of men, but God knows your hearts. What is highly valued among men is detestable in God’s sight.’” I am constantly amazed that the words of Jesus apply just as accurately to the stories that appear in USA Today as they did to stories in the Galilee Gazette two thousand years ago.

Through the years I have thought about what would have happened if Jesus had walked into the nursery where our daughter, Katie, was unwelcome. I am convinced of several things based on my study of His life. He likely would have been drawn straight to her. He might have chosen to heal her. He probably would have shed a tear, because the suffering of children always touched His heart. And I am absolutely sure that He would not have rejected her. I believe that He would have comforted Joni and me with the reassurance that Katie’s affliction was not the result of our sin.

The once-popular saying “What Would Jesus Do?” has the ability to confront us with an important and necessary spiritual question. Sadly, the church Joni and I used to attend never asked that question concerning little Katie Burchett. In order for our family to worship together at the same church, we had to find a different congregation. Christians, like physicians, should vow to do no harm. But forgive us, Lord, because too often we do inflict harm.

Note: In honor of the late, great Paul Harvey, I will tell you the “rest of the story” about little Katie in chapter 16.

CPD 23 (Thing #4)-Twitter, RSS and Pushnote.

2011-07-20T13:43:00.000-05:00

I'm behind on my assignments with the Continuing Professional Development Program (cpd23), but I will play catch-up the next couple of weeks so I can stay on track. The goal is for me to advance what I do with my blogs. Thing #4 covers three tools for staying current: Twitter, RSS and Pushnote.

I'm still tweaking my twitter presence. I need to have a custom background and a better blurb. I'm pleased with my progress though. On twitter I currently have 2603 followers and I'm following 2837 others (on facebook, I connect with 3059 contacts). I like to share my blog post links and my e-blast links on these social networking sites. It's one way I drive traffic to my blogs. And I like to ask questions to help stimulate a more interactive experience. I've found acquisitions editors for book publishers are looking for writers to be actively involved in expanding their platform by engaging in meaningful conversation with their audiences, so this is something I look to do even better in days ahead.

I don't have RSS hooked up to my blog, but I'd like to get that as well as the subscribe-by-email widget on my site. I do sign up to read other blogs via RSS or e-mail, and I like how that works. I know more what I NEED TO DO than I make time to get it done, to be honest. I guess I need to give myself a break and allow baby steps, right?

I checked out the pushnote program CPD recommended, and while I did subscribe so I could look around, I just can't bring myself to add one more thing to my plate before I've mastered a few of the programs I currently have. It is a tool that allows you to rate and comment on any website. Sounds a little like what Google+ does. You are welcome to go take a look for yourself though, to see if this program would be of use to you. It's at: http://pushnote.com/

JULY FREEDOM FROM EXPECTATIONS-By Robin J. Steinweg

2011-07-18T21:15:00.000-05:00

Expectivity, Assumivity, and Flexibilitivity

By Robin J. Steinweg

Trouble, for me, does not stand for “T,” which rhymes with “P,” which stands for pool, which means Trouble right here in River City. In my book, Trouble starts with “E” or “A.” And not enough “F.”

“E.” Expectivity (from Robin’s Book of Definitions): To harbor high expectations of people/ events. If you expect much of people, they usually give it to you.

That can be true. Or maybe not.

Example 1: I expect my sons to obey me. They usually do, but not because I expect it; my husband and I worked hard at consistent discipline until our expectations were met.

Example 2: I expect my choir to sing beautifully. They usually do, but not because I expect it; We work hard at consistent practice of notes and technique until my expectations are met.

The trouble comes when Expectivity meets Assumivity.

“A.” Assumivity (R’s book again): To expect others to behave in a certain fashion (the way I would). I expect friends, leaders, strangers and family member to behave the way I would in similar circumstances. I assume they will.

Example 1: A driver passes and cuts in front of me, inches from my bumper, without using the directionals conveniently located within reach of any of several fingers, forcing me to slam on my brakes, and in turn forcing cars behind me to take evasive action in order not to rear-end me, which causes a chain reaction of horn-honking and foul language from those drivers who have not yet learned to control their tongues. All this when there’s been no good reason (other than said driver paying no attention—jabbering on a cell phone or illegally texting or simply behaving like an imbecile) for such erratic behavior. And I assumed that the driver would not do such a thing, because I wouldn’t.

Example 2: Too upset about Example 1 to offer another.

“F.”: Flexibilitivity (R’s book): ¹To be a pine tree; let the ice of adversity slip off the branches.

²To sway with grace as the stiff winds assault, so not to break under the strain. ³To forgive. ⁴To expect the best, assume the worst, applaud the good and release the bad.

As Bing Crosby and the Andrews sisters sang in the 1940s, “You’ve got to accentuate the positive, eliminate the negative, accentuate the positive, and don’t mess with Mr. In-Between!”

Robin J. Steinweg thinks life is sweet right in the middle of writing children’s books, directing, writing and arranging music, teaching music, and listening for the Music of the Master’s voice. Among other things, Robin writes devotionals for the online magazine The Christian Pulse.

CPD 23 (Thing #3)-Consider Your Personal Brand

2011-07-06T14:50:00.000-05:00

Thing 3: Consider Your Personal Brand

Tips from CPD about Branding:

(I summarized and personalized their tips here from their full post at: http://cpd23.blogspot.com/2011/06/thing-3-consider-your-personal-brand.html)

1. Maintain a consistent image and ensure you are portraying an accurate reflection of who you are. My branding impression is strategic and consistent.

2. Consider your core values and how you can convey those messages to those who meet you in person and those who find you online. I think my message has remained consistent with my "heart core" values.

3. Name used: Kathy Carlton Willis or KCW Communications

4. Photograph: I had a photo shoot in the summer of 2010, but I still need a photo that captures my essence. Everywhere I speak, people say I have more youthfulness and spark than my photo displays.

5. Professional/personal identity: I’m pretty much an open book, so for me, the term coined by CPD works: "profersonal" demonstrates both sides at once.

6. Visual brand: All of my KCW branding uses my logo and the color palette of various aquas and teals. My personal blog has some of these elements, but my professional blog has all of them.

7. Time for a bit of a vanity check. Search for your name in Google. I have 38 pages of google links, and all are positive for my branding strategy.

More thoughts from me to go with this assignment:

1. I need to be more consistent with my blog posts on both this personal blog and my professional blog at http://kcwcomm.blogspot.com

2. In weeks ahead, as I work through the CPD “things to do” I look forward to personalizing my blog even more (header, wallpaper, design, plug-ins, e-mail notifications, etc.)

CPD 23-Thing #2-Investigate Some Other Blogs

2011-07-04T10:16:00.000-05:00

I'm playing catch-up on my CPD blogging program, so, here is Thing #2: Investigate some other blogs.

This is something I do routinely with my communications firm. We have a database of over 500 bloggers we work with for book blog tours, book reviews, article placement via guest blogging, and more. I love seeing what they are up to. And then there are my clients—keeping up with their blogs. And cyber-following (NOT STALKING) other industry pros. I have to be strategic and selective in this or I could spend all my time reading blog posts and not being productive in other ways! The assignment suggests we leave comments, and encourage comments. That's probably one of my favorite parts of blogging—the interaction. What's your favorite part of blogging? What types of blogs do you follow?

The most followed/recommended blog in my industry is here:
http://michaelhyatt.com/

Michael is the chairman of Thomas Nelson Publishers. He takes blogging principles and puts them on STEROIDS—so brilliant!

One of my friends has great random insights. I find myself going over to her blog again and again, even when we haven't talked for a while. Life gets in the way, but our blogs can talk to each other! Perhaps you'd like to check out what Gina Stinson has to say. Her address is:
http://journalinggina.blogspot.com/

One more recommendation. My high school classmate, Joy Weese Moll is a librarian, and we share a love for books. She's the one who told me about CPD23. Her blog is:
http://www.joyweesemoll.com/

New Program-CPD 23

2011-07-04T09:50:00.001-05:00

I'm participating in a blog enrichment program to help me get more plugged in with all the opportunities as a blogger. I know a lot of the available ideas out there, but this structured program will provide the accountability I need to keep moving forward. What good is knowledge without application? Often when I have other projects, this blog gets put on hold for a while. Just look at my hit-or-miss posting record over the years to see that. I'll see what I can do to remedy that, through CPD23. Maybe you want to join me? It's primarily for librarians who are blogging, but it's open to anyone. There will be 23 projects in the program. This explanation post is "Thing Number One." Here's the link:

http://cpd23.blogspot.com/

JULY FREEDOM FROM EXPECTATIONS-Healthy Parenting Balance

2011-07-04T09:28:00.000-05:00

Spelling It Out

Guest Blogger: Hally Franz

Word art is huge. Over the last several years, walls have become hosts for something besides prints, sconces and photographs. Framed, as well as stand-alone, phrases and impact words have become standard decorating forms in millions of homes. These linguistic touches are opportunities for families to communicate their values and core beliefs in an artistic way.

When my 13-year-old son was born, I contemplated developing something like this for his room. I envisioned a framed code of ethics that would identify his parents’ expectations for behavior and outlook. I never accomplished that task; probably the business of actually tending to my infant took precedence.

While that was a nice thought, I don’t think we need to write our values on our walls for people to understand who we are, children to recognize the family priorities. Our behavior should communicate and demonstrate where we stand without the help of visual aids.

For the Franz household, three of our key expectations include: appreciation for what we have, respect for elders and authorities, and hard work. We value kindness and charity and lots of other things, but, for us, a demanding, disrespectful and lazy nature is perhaps most offensive.

That doesn’t mean that my children always display the desired level of excitement and gratitude after receiving new clothes or having a day out. Nor, does it mean that don’t sass. I wish! And, they regularly need prodding to get on-task with the day’s chores. It does mean there are consequences when they deviate too much from our ground rules.

Every home establishes, either intentionally or unconsciously, their rules to live by. Each home has its own unique set of standards. Children need to be clear about what these are; parents need to expect that children will falter as they figure it out. Just as our Heavenly Father displays grace when we fall short of what’s expected, we need to show grace when our children do as well.

The over-arching premise within any Christian home is that our belief and faith in God will ultimately guide our daily decisions and actions. We parents need to seek God’s counsel as we define and design the “look” of our homes; after all, He is the master designer. Then, whether our walls are painted, splashed or left bare, our children will know our expectations.

Hally Franz is a former high school guidance counselor, turned homemaker. Hally sees each day as a new exercise, where routines change and weights vary. Her goal is to maintain all-around fitness for service, while training her children to be competitive, compassionate and Christ-like in the world in which we live. Read more of her articles at The Christian Pulse.

JULY FREEDOM FROM EXPECTATIONS-Healthy Parenting Balance

2011-07-02T10:46:00.000-05:00

Parent/Child Expectations

Guest Blogger: Hally Franz

Summer vacation is here! Summer break used to be a time for kids to ride bikes, enjoy long afternoon tanning sessions, explore the woods with impromptu hikes, and spend mornings in Vacation Bible School. Today, many young people have little time for hikes, bikes and tanning. Instead, youth have camps of all nature, sports, outings with family, church and school, and even summer school to remediate or enrich their education. The word “vacation” may be a misnomer.

My children have completed V.B.S. this season, but have lots of activities before school resumes in August. Few days are left open for spontaneity. While I say that with some melancholy, I make no apologies for the summer’s agenda. I contend that busy kids tend to stay out of trouble, have opportunities for more growth experiences, and build better self-esteem through their multiple involvements.

There is a fine line that parents walk between having high expectations and pushing their children too hard. While my children are often scheduled, I’ve learned to recognize when it’s time to call a “stop day.” Those are days when we hibernate at home and are completely lazy.

When school is in session, I expect hard work and good grades. I think that’s fair. However, I don’t expect all A’s, if I see that they are trying. The letter on the report card is far less important to me than the rigor of the work required and the effort that my children display.

Our society provides an endless array of activities for children, particularly in larger communities. As children grow older, it’s fun to see their interests and talents develop. Parents should allow kids chances to explore and permission to pursue the endeavors they choose. We don’t all have soccer players, cheerleaders and singers. Among our young people, there are actors, trumpet players, junior politicians, entrepreneurs, chalk artists and barrel racers.

My husband is a long-time Boeing employee and military reservist. He loves airplanes; the T-45 Goshawk and the F-18 Hornet excite him. Our son likes horses, woodworking, gardening and drama. That’s okay, too. My 9-year-old daughter has a whole other set of gifts, because no two are alike. We need to let our children be who they are.

Setting and maintaining expectations for our children is tricky. There are so many areas to consider. Hard work, discernment, creativity, compassion and prayer – He expects us to use these.

JUNE JOURNEY: Paralyzed by Expectations

2011-06-20T11:22:00.000-05:00

Paralyzed by Expectations

by Guest Blogger Michelle Rayburn

Some days, I’m paralyzed by expectations. I wake up each morning to a daunting to-do list and each item represents someone’s expectations—my own and those of others. As I face the list, I confront the reality that I cannot possibly accomplish that many things in one day. I begin the day with a sense of failed expectation.

Shortly after scanning my to-do list, I open my inbox and see all of the e-mails to which I haven’t replied. I know these people expect a reply, and soon. I flag a few messages and think, I’ll tackle that on my lunch break. Then I move on to start a project from my to-do list. I choose one that I think I can finish on this day, but as I wait for the creative energy needed for the project to fire up, my obsession with what still needs to get done just snuffs it back out. And so, I sit, too paralyzed to be productive, and too overwhelmed to meet expectations.

Somehow, tackling a project that’s free of expectations seems less overwhelming. So I scrub the bathtub. Sort the junk drawer. Hose off the deck. There’s no pressure in these tasks. I can deceive myself into believing I’m productive because I’m busy. Yet, tomorrow, I’ll still wake up to a huge to-do list.

If, like me, you’ve ever felt like you were spinning in a cycle of expectations with such centrifugal force that you can’t seem to get out, you know how it consumes you emotionally and spiritually. You know how hopeless it feels. I’m working on learning how to manage expectations.

A little while ago, I set some ambitious goals and shared them with fellow writer, Kathy Carlton Willis. A few weeks later, I sent a desperate e-mail to her whining about my lack of progress. She sent back wise words advising me to figure out what was the most important thing I needed to do and focus on that one thing right now.

That to-do list represents infinite opportunities to fail to meet expectations, and the only way I can get through it is by breaking it into manageable pieces and chewing on one piece at a time. I think it’s time for me to learn to do less multi-tasking and more uni-tasking. Today, I’ll write several letters and e-mails that need to get done. If that’s all I do, I’ll have finished something.

About Michelle:
Michelle Rayburn is a mom of two teen sons, wife of 21 years, and loves helping people connect their dots between faith, creativity, and everyday life. She is a freelance writer and speaker for women's events, conferences, and writers groups.

WEBSITE www.michellerayburn.com

JUNE JOURNEY: Defining Expectations

2011-06-17T08:47:00.003-05:00

The more I think and talk about expectations, the more I wonder if how we interpret or define the word "expectations" determines whether it's healthy or toxic?

DEFINITIONS:

A strong belief that something will happen or be the case in the future

A belief that someone will or should achieve something

An expectation, which is a belief that is centered on the future, may or may not be realistic. A less advantageous result gives rise to the emotion of disappointment. An expectation about the behavior or performance of another person, expressed to that person, may have the nature of a strong request, or an order.

HIGH HOPES:

If we have high hopes for someone else, our expectations are based on a motive or desire for them to be successful, content, happy, blessed, etc. Our hopes are not based in any sort of self-fulfillment, but only for the other's well-being. To me, this is a healthy expectation.

MUTUALLY BENEFICIAL:

Sometimes we expect others to produce a benefit in our lives because we have already paid out in some positive return in their lives. I scratch your back, you scratch mine. The problem with this is that sometimes, our motives aren't just for business (you pay my fee, I provide a service according to our contract). Sometimes our motives are based on selfishness—we manipulate the other party because we have an end result in mind. We compliment them and give them flowery praise, hoping they will recommend us for that position we hope to get. When we give to get, that's a scary place to be. A cheerful giver gives for the sheer joy of seeing the other person light up, for the incredible blessing of knowing it pleases God—even if no one ever finds out we gave of ourselves in some way.

GUILT-TRIP TICKET:

Whether we say it or just think it, when we have a long list of "ought tos" and "should dos" we are on dangerous ground, manipulating another person to do something out of guilt or shame rather than out of a willing heart. When God gave us the Ten Commandments, they were a list, yes. And He expects us to follow these and other rules of life as set up in the Bible. He set these up, I'm guessing, partly because He knows these "10 Expectations" give us a formula for the best possible outcome in our lives. But I also know from His scripture, that He loves it when our obedience comes from our love for Him rather than out of fear. His Law spells out a recipe for reaping and sowing, rewards and consequences, etc. But His Law more than that sets up a way for us to know we are NOT God and that we need a Savior in our lives—they are a map to the only perfect one. We strive for righteousness, but know that the only true righteousness comes through Him. So, that's God's system. But who are we to think WE get to have a list of expectations similar to the Ten Commandments in another person's life? We are not God—in fact we are still very flawed, just other journeymen on the same path. So—setting up a list of rules for someone else (whether expressed or implied), using manipulation and guilt-trip tactics is a sign our expectations are toxic.

Do my expectations in others come out of a motive of hoping for something good in their lives, or hoping they bring something good to MY life? Could that be the bottom line on defining whether an expectation is toxic or healthy?

JUNE JOURNEY: My Expectations are Showing...

2011-06-13T15:09:00.000-05:00

Before we move into another aspect of dealing with expectations, I thought it might be helpful to identify some. I've made up a partial list. Have you ever wanted to say one of these to someone else (a friend, a family member, a co-worker, a client, a church member, a neighbor, you name it!)?

I Expect You To:

· Desire to grow and progress as an individual

· Have a code of ethics—integrity

· Put God and others before self when it comes to priorities

· Be honest with me

· Work hard—not try to get by with as little as possible

· Ask permission first, not assume you will merely ask for forgiveness later

· Care about what’s important to me, even if it’s not important to you

· Not just hear me, but truly listen

· Nurture me

· Affirm me with your words and your actions

· Give me the benefit of the doubt

· Treat me as you wish to be treated

· Communicate truth rather than what you think I want to hear

· (Well, that, and just plain COMMUNICATE!)

· Realize I have work hours and play hours, my life isn’t just a hobby

· Know how to give me service if you call yourself “customer service”

· Know that poor planning on your part does not necessitate an emergency on my part

Add your own expectations in the human race in the comments section below. When is it wrong to have expectations? Is it ever right?

JUNE JOURNEY: When Tough Love is Tough (expectations)

2011-06-11T09:26:00.000-05:00

As I am using this time I’m calling my June Journey to pray for more wisdom and discernment regarding expectations, I’ve learned some new things (or been reminded of what I already knew but don’t always practice).

I can sum up some of these words of wisdom this way:

· Sometimes others will do things that are not acceptable—that’s not judging, it’s just discerning.

· God wants me to still love them, but I don’t have to love their attitudes or actions, and I don’t even have to LIKE the person right then! Often, I don’t like the person they are becoming. But I can still be hopeful that they will realign more with God’s principles (not out of legalism, but because I want His best for their lives).

· My prayers for these times should be more about how I can best show God’s love to them rather than praying they respond in a way I find acceptable. I should evaluate, what does God want from this? How can I share the truth in love? How can I release my feelings so they aren’t invested in this? How can I be okay if this is never resolved to my satisfaction? The answer is, like another friend said, “it’s not about me.” It’s about me reflecting God’s Light even when others don’t.

· This also requires discernment to know how involved to be with someone who isn’t going to be a positive part of my life. Maybe they are toxic to me. Or maybe they are going through life stuff and choosing the wrong path. The words “mark and avoid” come to mind from scripture. I know that sounds severe, but sometimes loving the way God loves requires tough love. He doesn’t expect me to hold their hands when they are slapping mine!

· There are times that no matter what we do to make something right, the other person isn’t going to do right, and we have no control over that. All we have control over is our response. The way we deal with our feelings. Our choices. I can choose NOT to keep doing favors for these toxic ones if they’re going to treat me poorly.

· Love doesn’t mean we roll over and play dead. It means we will release them, much like the prodigal son, to find their way back to what God wants in their lives. And being willing to receive them back when they come with repentant hearts. And in the meantime, NOT getting worked up about it. I can’t let their poor communications skills or their inconsideration render me ineffective for God's use.

I’m learning!

(c) 2011 Kathy Carlton Willis

JUNE JOURNEY: When It Comes to Expectations...

2011-06-10T08:59:00.000-05:00

When it comes to expectations…

I truly am learning to give the benefit of the doubt—but I’m also praying a little differently today based on some discernment.

I’m learning:

To communicate more clearly and not expect people to read my mind, or attempt to read their minds.
To realize everyone has “stuff” that comes up that keeps them from fulfilling their commitments, and I need to be as flexible with others as I hope they will be with me. That Golden Rule again!
When others reply or react in a way I find unacceptable, I have several options in handling the situation. First, I need to take it out of the realm of “feelings” and put it in the realm of godly thoughts and actions. Choose to react and respond AFTER I have a plan to do it the right way. I must be intentional in disengaging my feelings from the response so that I’m not allowing my buttons to be pushed.
Sometimes when others respond in ways that rub me the wrong way, it’s because I had in my mind a more acceptable response and they missed the mark. Here’s my expectations showing: my first goal in any misunderstanding even in a short e-mail or by phone would be to reassure the other party and alleviate their concerns, so I expect others to be that way with me. Only after I reassure someone, would I tackle the issues. When others don’t do that, they let me down. I need to realize others aren’t as in tune to affirming others.
My timetable is not the same as others. My priorities aren’t the same as others. I need to give grace on that, and be okay with the differences, even thanking God that we are all different.

I’ll be honest. I’ve been praying how to better handle my expectations because it’s not healthy to wait until I’m in the middle of a disappointment to come up with my game plan. I have to plan in advance to have a strategy how to handle issues. Otherwise, “in the moment” I might let my feelings mess things up (for me, or for others).

(Tomorrow I'll write about when to walk away...)

JUNE JOURNEY: I Expect to Hear from You!

2011-06-08T09:58:00.000-05:00

At least five times a week I find myself mulling over the question, "Why aren't they e-mailing me back, calling me, texting, or touching base on facebook?" Lack of communication. I expect them to reply in a timely manner. Why? Because I try to reply in a timely manner when people contact me. For business: urgent issues, same day, and non-urgent situations hear from me within a week (I have time slots each week to deal with each client's projects). For friends, they get a return reply in the first 24-hours (unless I miss a text since I don't check it often).

What happens when I don't get a reply in the time I expect? I start to worry with "What ifs." "What if I did something wrong?" "What if they don't like me?"

Then I confess, I check their facebook to see what they're up to. If it seems like they are responding to everyone but me, I start to get insecure. "I don't matter to her." "I'm at the bottom of her list."

See where expectations get me? I go on a downward spiral that's no good for anyone.

I've learned several lessons from this ongoing problem of mine.

E-mail can be glitchy. My e-mails aren't always delivered to them, and their replies aren't always delivered to me. If in doubt, double-check by sending a "touching base" e-mail. If that gets no reply, try a direct message on facebook, a text, a phone call. Don't assume they are not replying.
Some situations paralyze people. They want to respond but they don't know where to begin. So they keep it on their "to be done later" stack. And they find every reason to do other things first. People avoid conflict, misunderstandings, and resolution because it requires transparency and truth in communication. It's not that they're mad so much as they don't know how to proceed.
I need to give the benefit of the doubt more when it comes to lack of communication. Rather than jumping to the wrong conclusion, since I'm not a mind-reader, I need to cut some slack. The Golden Rule comes in handy here!
Sometimes, people have a different priority system for communication than I do. People don't have to be like me in the way they handle their life stuff to be right or wrong. We're just different. No need to judge and no need to assume the worst.
People get burned out over communication. It's too much input. Too much to keep up with. Sometimes it gets so overwhelming, it's like a hoarder's house--it just piles up with the communication hoarder having no idea how to whittle away at it a little at a time. So, not hearing from someone doesn't mean they're mad or hate me, it might mean they are overwhelmed. And maybe, because I'm such a nice girl, they figure if anyone will understand them not having a timely response, it's me.

I'm still working on this one. Can anyone relate to this struggle, and if so, how do you handle it?

JUNE JOURNEY (Expectations): They Don't Understand Me Lord!

2011-06-07T12:17:00.000-05:00

Jeanette Levellie writes on the topic of expectations:

When Greta rebuked me right before prayer meeting for not attending a function she chaired, I could feel the blood rush to face, my temples throbbing. I made a lame attempt to explain that in addition to my full time job, I was writing two books. When her only response was to stare at me in silence, I stuffed my hurt and indignation. At least, during the one hour prayer meeting. But the next morning found me complaining to my Father.

Read more from "They Don't Understand Me Lord!" at The Pastor's Wife Speaks.

JUNE JOURNEY: Should I Expect Less?

2011-06-07T09:51:00.000-05:00

This month I plan to jump back into blogging (after taking time off to move) to write about an issue with which I struggle. Expectations. It all boils down to this—I tend to expect people to act, react, and think like I do (or BETTER).

Pastor said something in his sermon Sunday just HOURS after I had the same realization in my own heart-to-heart self-talk: To expect anything of others is to not have unconditional love, and it is a form of judging. OUCH. Yes, the Bible and God have expectations for Christ-followers, but that's not my job.

I can lead by example, teach principles, mentor and come alongside of those who are still on the journey (and I hope others come alongside of me, because I need work too!). I can even step out on a limb and say "thus saith the Lord" (well, in real-life speak it would be more like "God says...") But when I expect something outside of my control, I set myself up for all sorts of frustrating emotions, and it doesn't really help the one on whom I'm projecting my expectations.

Expectations tend to let me down, disappoint me, cause me to act out of wrong motives, and push all the wrong buttons. I know that. How do I fix this problem? I'm going to spend this month working on it, and will post my observations here.

If you struggle with this too, would you like to go on this June Journey with me? Feel free to post your comments as we go along, or if you want to remain anonymous to the blog, write me directly at: kathy@kathycarltonwillis and I can post your thoughts anonymously. That way we can all support each other.

In the Spirit of Opening Day—Baseball! (Giveaway Details at End)

2011-03-30T18:30:00.013-05:00

The Unknown Baseball Player

Author: Marvin P. Ferguson

Publisher: Parker Publishing

ISBN-13: 978-1-882286-01-0

Softcover: 283 pages

Price: $14.99

Marvin P. Ferguson's novel The Unknown Baseball Player tells of an underprivileged farm boy, named Orville, who grows up through some challenging times. He loves the game of baseball and ends up playing ball for a national team named the Redlegs.

The Unknown Baseball Player is a coming-of-age story for youth and adults alike. Baseball may be the canvas on which this story is painted, but various life-themes resonate in living color, such as learning to thrive despite trials. Orville works hard on the farm, since his father died when he was young. He’s often picked-on by other kids as well as physically and emotionally abused by “Unck,” the patriarch of the family.

Orville’s new position on the pro baseball team gives him a fresh focus in life, if he can handle the trash talk by the coach and other players. Will he ever be good enough to succeed at baseball—good enough to succeed at life?

Boys on the Gold Coast

Author: Marvin P. Ferguson

Publisher: Parker Publishing

ISBN-10: 1882286006

ISBN-13: 978-1882286003

Softcover: 247 pages

Price: $9.95

Boys On The Gold Coast tells of a group of mismatched boys who come together for the love of the game. These boys have a lot to prove to the community, and a retired janitor named “Pop” helps them pull together. They might not have the best baseball supplies, but they learn to pursue their dreams even when times are tough, by scrapping together what little they do have and learning to make it work. You’ll enjoy reading the antics and mishaps that occur along the way to living their dreams—playing against the Chicago Cubs.

About Marvin Ferguson:

It was a busy city in the 1940s. A popular slogan was, “if you can't get a job in Chicago, you can't get a job anywhere.” Many people came from all over the country seeking work. This is the city where Marvin Ferguson was born and raised.

His father died when he was two years old. His immigrant mother toiled all her life as a self-employed seamstress to care for Marvin and his twin sister.

Marvin’s entire life has been a learning experience. When he was six years old a car hit him. After two weeks in a coma, a two-month hospital stay, this once gifted student struggled through the rest of his school years.

He didn't enjoy most of the pleasures his friends did while in high school. He often worked thirty hours a week doing odd jobs so there wasn't much time for socializing.

Following high school graduation his introduction into the real world was a janitor's job, covering for an uncle who had a heart attack. Filling coal bends, burning garbage, cleaning halls, and more, he learned about life the hard way. Through trial and error he eventually received a B.A. Degree in Business Administration from North Park University in Chicago, Illinois.

The boy who grew up on the Gold Coast, a nickname for a Chicago neighborhood, is a die-hard Cub fan. Other favorite teams are the St. Louis Cardinals, Milwaukee Brewers, and Detroit Tigers.

When time permitted, he gathered with friends on a corner lot to play baseball. In blue jeans, sport shirts, and gym shoes, smacking a tattered baseball around with a splintered bat was fun.

Later, through reruns of The Waltons, John Boy inspired Marvin to become a writer. He has written three books with a fourth in the making.

WEB: http://www.tatteredbaseballs.com/

BLOG: http://cornerlotsbaseball.blogspot.com/

Also find Marvin on facebook and twitter

GIVEAWAY! Leave a comment to be entered in a drawing to win these two books. We'll select a winner on April 14th.

SONG: Still by Hillsong (to go with my Rest Assured year)

2011-03-11T09:42:00.003-05:00

I'm praying for my brother in Japan, his family and in-laws and all the others affected by these earthquakes and tsunamis. This song is so comforting in times like this. May it wrap around you like one of Granny's quilts today and reassure you. Remember my phrase for the year? Never more needful than times like this. REST ASSURED.

Still—Hillsong

I Am Restless Song w/ Lyrics (Audrey Assad)

2011-03-10T00:02:00.003-05:00

For my "Rest Assured" 2011 Focus, I LOVE this!

Such a Winter Chicken!

2011-02-03T12:12:00.005-05:00

That's me, raising my hands up in the air. I surrender. Waving the white flag. Admitting a glaring flaw. I'm a winter chicken! It started in driver's ed when I had to drive on a snow and ice covered bridge across the Mississippi River. I was the novice of the group. I took the phrase "white-knuckled grip" to a whole new dimension! By the time I crossed the bridge, all the other student drivers were hunkered down on the floors of the car, preferring not to look. That only imprinted the fear more deeply into the "fraidy-cat" center of my brain.

Then, through the years, I got stuck in winter storms. Me and cars and storms just do not get along. Flashback city! One time I fishtailed across a cloverleaf ramp, and witnessed other drivers actually smacking the rails. I made it across safely, but scarred for life (or should I say "scared for life"?).

Compounding the issue is that my lungs actually shut down with cold air. No, not a panic attack. It happens even when I'm enjoying myself (obviously, not at the wheel!). And then there's the Raynaud's Syndrome. Fingers become white, blue, then red. Patriotic.

That brings me to today's winter day. We selected Brenham, TX to avoid winter precipitation and freezing temperatures. Today, we're looking at around 3 inches of sleet and snow, coming in just a few hours. I'm due to go out for lunch with a friend. Like a chicken I texted her to see if she'll pick me up. Good excuse: hubby has to go out and needs my vehicle since he owns a rag-top convertible with rear-wheel drive. But the truth is, I'm "bawk bawk bawk chicken!'

KCWC BLOG TOUR: Midlife Spiritual Fitness Check-up (See Giveaway too!)

2011-01-05T16:28:00.015-05:00

Every 7 seconds, another “Baby Boomer” turns 50...

That’s a lot of “MIDLIFERS!”

Along with many physical and emotional changes, midlife can bring a deluge of spiritual questions:

Where am I at this major milestone of my life?
Where am I headed?
How do I prepare for “later life?”

Publisher: Healthy Life Press

ISBN-10: 1453661182

ISBN-13: 978-1453661185

Released: July 25, 2010

Paperback: 64 pages

Retail: $8.95

Book Summary

Christian author and gerontologist Dr. Sharon V. King welcomed her 50^th birthday asking these same questions. In the Introduction to her book, The Spiritual Fitness Checkup for the 50-Something Woman, she writes:

“The view from my 50th birthday was quite different from what I had anticipated. As a Christian, I was ready to start cataloging everything from the first 50 years of my life for which I wanted to thank God—and all the issues I genuinely needed to discuss with Him in considerable detail. But, as the cataloging progressed, unusual items surfaced—doubt, regret, loss, resentment, disappointment—feelings that were far less rosy than the pink icing on my birthday cake.”

Realizing that thousands of other “50-something” women may have the same feelings about their official entry into midlife, Sharon set out to apply her knowledge of aging to her spiritual questions and help other women find their way through the midlife maze and, revive (or discover) the joys that come from a closer walk with God at this unique crossroads of life.

Organizing the book like a visit to the doctor’s office for a routine physical, Sharon presents 10 spiritual fitness “checkups” and exercises to help you take your own midlife “Spiritual Pulse Check.” You will learn how to:

Jettison unwanted spiritual baggage
View your midlife crisis from God’s perspective
Focus on forgiveness instead of anger
Conduct a spiritual lab test
Improve your spiritual stamina
Enhance your meditation time
Spiritualize your midlife self-image

These Spiritual Pulse Checks can be used by individuals or for group discussion points. It is Sharon’s hope that The Spiritual Fitness Checkup for the 50-Something Woman will help readers adopt the same attitude toward their spiritual health as they do their physical health, and strive to maintain a vibrant relationship with God.

Sharon V. King, PhD

Author Bio

Raised in an education-loving family, Dr. Sharon King came of age during the civil rights and women’s rights era of the 60s and 70s. She followed her family’s belief that education plus a deep commitment to God and service to others equals success. She earned a doctoral degree in sociology with a focus on religion and aging.

When Sharon crossed her own midlife threshold, she had an experience that prompted her to re-think what really mattered in life.

To celebrate her 50^th, she travelled to Washington, DC to research her grandfather’s genealogy at the Library of Congress and found herself in the middle of the September 11,2001 attack on the Pentagon. Rushing to leave the city and unable to take a flight back home to Atlanta, she drove her rental car 600 miles to get home. “I had plenty of time to think about life and just how quickly it can end,” she says. “That was when I took up journaling to do my own midlife review to see just where I stood with God.”

Dr. King has written three books, of which The Spiritual Fitness Checkup for the 50-Something Woman is the first to be published. Her two other books are currently under review by publishers. One is more autobiographical, titled Midlife Reflections from the 23^rd Psalm. The second book is Meditations from the Spirituals for Today’s Working Woman.

An Atlanta resident, she works at a university coordinating international programs and sponsors a “Goats for Grandparents” charity that funds the purchase of goats for older women and their grandchildren in Kenya.

Sharon's love of writing is shared with other authors through her editorial service, King’s Ransom Writing and Editing Service and her blog "Women of Color Writing for Christ."

Author Interview—Getting to Know Sharon King

Your 50th birthday arrived the day after the 9/11 disaster, and resulted in a new way of thinking.

Please explain.

After the September 11^th tragedy, I felt guilty celebrating a birthday as the rest of the world mourned the anniversary of this national disaster. Two family members also died on or near my birthday. I sought God’s help to understand these birthday tragedies. Soon, I saw my birthday as a time for thanksgiving. I realized that life and death come wrapped in the same package as gifts from God—both are surrounded by His love and mercy. I value life now as too precious to waste on the trivial things that clutter our day-to-day living. I fret less and celebrate more.

What’s so special about midlife as a time for a spiritual “checkup?”

Midlife is the best possible reminder that we’re not going to be around forever. We’re so consumed with the business of transitioning from youth (teens and 20s) to adulthood (30s), we don’t have time to slow down enough to ponder what it all means. We seek education, choose a career, find a mate, decide where to live, and raise our children. That’s fulltime work! We may forget to put God on our list of things to do. By midlife, we have more time to put on the brakes for a while to think more than do. God takes the initiative at this point to nudge us into deeper reflection about our relationship with Him, and He prepares us for a new stage of life.

There’s a ton of books for Christian women on the market. What makes yours unique?

When I compiled my thoughts to create this book, I considered the Christian women's books that appealed to me. I enjoyed books that were “light” as opposed to “heavy.” Books that helped relate Christian spirituality to contemporary living (with a touch of humor) appealed to me more than books that just “threw” the Bible at me. Another quality I enjoyed was brevity—easy to read yet loaded with spiritual insights to chew on. Finally, I enjoyed books that connected my spirituality with the seemingly mundane parts of my life, showing me that God didn’t wait until Sunday morning to show me how He fit into my life. I tried to incorporate those qualities into the Spiritual Fitness Checkup.

3 Steps to Aging Gracefully:

1. Enjoy the journey. Unfortunately, our youth-loving society has taught women to fear aging. Slowly but surely, the word is getting out that the second 50 years of life can be as fulfilling and possibly more exciting than the first.

2. Remain flexible. Even though our second 50 years may be exciting, that doesn’t mean they won’t be full of change. We can choose to manage changes creatively and positively or be victim to them. We hear the word “reinvent” a lot for women facing midlife years. It’s more than media hype; it’s a spiritual doctrine. Who knows more about “making all things new” than God?

3. Don’t go it alone. We all should seek social support as we move into later life, no matter our life status. That support may or may not come from our families. It may be in the form of a group or a single individual—face to face or across the internet. We gain perspective as we hear that others are traveling and have traveled this same journey. It’s essential we can avoid isolating ourselves, which can lead to depression. We can reach out to women in other cultures or with lifestyles very different from ours and learn just how universal this aging business really is.

GIVEAWAY!

Leave a comment below to be entered in the drawing for an opportunity to win the special giveaway. If you already are, or set it up to follow this blog through blog frog or google friend connect (see the right side margin for info) and mention it in your comment below, you'll be entered into the drawing twice!). Here's the prize:

Win a perfect New Year's gift for yourself or a 50-something woman relative or friend, with a free copy of the The Spiritual Fitness Checkup for the 50-Something Woman: Ten Steps Toward Midlife Spiritual Health. As a bonus, you also will receive services from the author's editing business, King's Ransom Writing and Editing Service, for up to fifty pages of double-spaced manuscript (book, articles, etc.). With this giveaway, you will receive more than proofreading. Sharon also offers writing assistance, tips, points out bad writing habits, etc. It's a writing analysis as well as editing. This has a value of up to $350. But wait, there's more! You also will receive a special discount editing rate of fifty cents per page (Some editors charge $5 to $10 per page!) if you sign a full manuscript-editing contract with King’s Ransom. Quite the giveaway!

GRATEFUL GRATITUDES-First of Year 2011

2011-01-04T10:38:00.009-05:00

GRATEFUL GRATTTUDES

Woo hoo!!~~~ 2011 is here!!!

This is gearing up to be a great year! I can’t wait to see how it unfolds.

Here’s my first gratitude list of 2011:

So glad for a new focus in 2011. I always pray for a word or a phrase for my “year focus.” This year, it’s REST ASSURED. Isn’t that a great phrase? I wrote about it here: http://bit.ly/e7fVmV
I would have never hoped for or expected what happened in 2010. There were times I thought we had sunk to the bottom. How would we cope? How would we pay our bills? When would bad physical things quit happening? But among the yucky stuff, some pretty amazing things happened over the year. And I’m grateful for each and every one of them. I gave a sort of year in review at my blog on the last few days of 2010. It was a good discipline to keep my perspective and realize that sometimes hindsight is necessary to really appreciate the trials and realize they are ONLY TEMPORARY.
We have a “first in our marriage” happening scheduled for 2011. We’re building a small home (just 1363 sq. feet, but packed with charm and space-savers)! We moved to Brenham, TX in love with the old homes, and planned to buy a fixer upper like we usually do. We love redoing old homes! But the ones in our price range were in bad areas and needed too much work and money. The ones that would be practical were out of our price range by about double! So, we realized we could build cheaper than buying a fixer-upper (strange, I know!). So, even though a new home was never a goal of mine, it’s happening this year. And I think it’s going to be a huge blessing for my allergies and other health problems. We are set for it to be completed in June. EXCITING TIMES!
I’m grateful for the new friends in my life. People I never knew existed just one year ago.
I was asked to lead a new Bible Study at our new church and I’m excited to have this opportunity as a lay-leader. I didn’t even volunteer or ask for this, it just came to me, proving that we don’t have to be “in the ministry” to be involved in ministry!
I’m grateful to have a new website. My hubby learned how to do them and then set out to make mine. You’re welcome to come surf around to learn more about me, and my communications firm. I’m thrilled Russ picked up this new skill. Saved us money, gave us new exposure and potential, and now he has yet another marketable skill. This was a great Christmas gift! Check it out HERE.

REVIEW: Love Food and Live Well by Chantel Hobbs

2011-01-03T01:00:00.001-05:00

Like many overweight people starting 2011, I've set a goal to lose some weight this year. I know that sounds lame. Many of us start the year and end the year the same weight, no matter how much we'd like to shed the weight. I've had three successful weight-loss experiences in the past, and I know how to lose the weight. My problem is, I need to be disciplined in keeping the weight off by not allowing circumstances to interrupt my weight-loss success.

When I evaluate my trip-ups, one of them is that I'm a foodie. I love reading about food, studying recipes, looking at restaurant menus, watching cooking shows, and creating my own recipes. Vacations involve fine dining. Stress means comfort food. Holidays and celebrations beg for special recipes. Nostalgic trips down memory lane have me remembering certain dishes my loved ones made with love.

I need to find a way to "have my cake and eat it too," or in this case, "enjoy food but lose weight too." Enter Chantel Hobbs. I'm reading her book, Love Food & Live Well. Finally a book that understands my dilemma. Interesting, with the popularity of Eat. Pray. Love. to find a Christ-centered book by an author who understands that the love of food isn't wrong with the proper focus. In excess, it's gluttony. That's wrong. But enjoying the sense of taste and savoring mealtime is not sinful.

I appreciate Chantel's take on weight-loss. She lost 200 pounds before becoming an expert on the subject. Love Food & Live Well provides wise and empathetic words from "just" another gal further along in the discipline of weight-loss and maintenance. She doesn't expect impractical goals—doesn't come across as condescending or judgmental. Reading between the lines of her books I hear the assurance, "I understand and I support you." With God's help, and Chantel's books, I'm determined to end 2011 weighing less, MUCH less, than I started the year.

(by Kathy Carlton Willis, 2011)

BLOG TOUR: Love Food and Live Well by Chantel Hobbs

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Today's Wild Card author is:

Chantel Hobbs

and the book:

Love Food & Live Well

WaterBrook Press; 1 edition (December 14, 2010)

***Special thanks to Audra Jennings, Senior Media Specialist, The B&B Media Group for sending me a review copy.***

ABOUT THE AUTHOR:

Chantel Hobbs is a life coach, marathon runner, personal trainer, wife, and mother of four. Her amazing story of losing two hundred pounds and keeping the weight off has been featured on Oprah, The Today Show, Good Morning America, Fox & Friends, Life Today with James Robison, The 700 Club, and Focus on the Family Radio—and in People and First magazines. Hobbs hosts a weekly radio show and is the on-air fitness expert on the WAY-FM radio network. She is also a regular guest on the KLOVE radio network. Hobbs is a frequent speaker to women’s groups and makes personal appearances at fitness conventions. The developer of The One-Day Way Learning System and the author of four books, including Never Say Diet and The One-Day Way, Chantel lives with her family in south Florida.

Visit the author's website.

Product Details:

List Price: $19.99
Hardcover: 240 pages
Publisher: WaterBrook Press; 1 edition (December 14, 2010)
Language: English
ISBN-10: 0307457842
ISBN-13: 978-0307457844

AND NOW...THE FIRST CHAPTER:

The Battle over Blue Jeans

People, Here Is My Deal!

For as long as I can remember, I have loved clothes and makeup. Even when I weighed close to 350 pounds, I experimented with trendy hairstyles while checking out the latest plus-size fashion catalogs.

When I was in elementary school, I would spend afternoons with my sister Christy, sitting on the floor of the closet in the decked-out pink bedroom we shared. This was a supersized closet where we would set up our Barbie dolls for fashion shows. Because I had blond hair and Christy was a brunette, it was only natural for me to pretend to be Barbie and her to be Skipper, Barbie’s little sister. At least that’s how I sold the idea to Christy. As we grew up and began to put our dolls away, I still enjoyed being prissy, often spending way too much time in front of a mirror.

Even as a young mother, I was a fashionista. I’ll never forget entering the hospital to have a scheduled cesarean to deliver my son Jake. I had spent the day before the delivery getting a pedicure and manicure and shopping for a matching nightgown set. Really, I did this! As I lay on the table in the operating room, the doctor arrived and started to chuckle. “Well, Chantel, I can see nothing about this is going to be a natural delivery.” All I could say was, “At least I left the false eyelashes at home.” I was only half kidding.

One reason I went overboard with my appearance was because I loved hearing friends and family comment on how together I looked. Even while having a baby, I wanted to look great. But today, in hindsight, I feel seriously sorry for the woman I used to be. She was always exhausted from trying to maintain her unreal image. Plus, I knew deep down that I wasn’t fooling anyone but myself. My weight problem wasn’t going to vanish underneath fancy clothing and attempts to camouflage my problem areas. I really did know that owning an all-black wardrobe wouldn’t keep my body issues a secret.

But back then I had convinced myself I needed to make a serious effort to look pretty from the neck up because I was too overweight for the rest of me to look decent. I rationalized that if I could highlight my best features, people would see my positive attributes and look past my greatest flaw: my obese body. At this point my life was one big head game.

I’ll never forget the weekend I went on a business trip with my husband, Keith, to Bermuda. This was a dream coming true for someone who spent most days watching Barney and folding laundry. But when we started to pack, panic set in. Bermuda is one huge beach, and I knew I’d embarrass my husband if I wore a swimsuit in front of his bosses and work friends. On the other hand, this was Bermuda! It was a free trip and a chance to escape the zoo I called home!

After we boarded the plane, I found my seat and immediately put a jacket over my waist. This was a trick I had learned from previous travel experiences, and it almost always worked. If I could hide where the seat belt was supposed to be, the flight attendant wouldn’t notice that mine was unbuckled. The truth is, I did this because I couldn’t connect the seat belt. I was too big around. This time, however, my system failed. As the attendant stopped by our row, she asked me to buckle my seat belt. As I struggled to latch it, she stood impatiently with one hand on her hip. I whispered that I was having trouble making it fit.

So being the sensitive, tall, and freakishly thin woman she was, she shouted to her co-worker, “Could you look in one of the overhead compartments for a seat-belt extension?”

I was mortified. I closed my eyes and tried to pretend the attendant was talking about someone else. A few moments later she handed me the hated seat-belt extension, and I fastened the thing as quickly as I could. I promise you, I could feel the pity of strangers as they witnessed my hame. But instead of shedding tears, I did what I had rehearsed in previous situations. I took a deep breath and grabbed Keith’s hand, squeezing it for dear life as the aircraft took off. My vacation is off to a great start, I told myself. I can’t wait to see what other embarrassing moments lie ahead.

Surprisingly, our Bermuda trip ended up being the trip of a lifetime. The island was beautiful, the water was the clearest blue I had ever seen, and I felt beautiful for the entire week. Strangely, it was another young mother, the wife of one of Keith’s co-workers, who was mostly responsible.

Each day I would get dolled up and make my entrance into the meeting room for the company’s group breakfast. This girl went out of her way to say something sincere and extraordinary about the way I looked, morning after morning. She would also ask me for fashion advice. By her looks, she didn’t need any, certainly none from me. Yet she still inquired and never in a condescending way.

Best of all, she never breathed the dreaded words “You have such a pretty face.” The trip to Bermuda taught me the intense power we all have when we speak to someone, especially to a person who is feeling weak and vulnerable. Just by saying something simple and positive, we can brighten someone’s outlook, even if it’s only for a few seconds.

For most of my life I had become accustomed to backhanded compliments. When it came to my weight and all my failed attempts to lose it, I had heard everything. I’d try yet another diet, and two weeks into it over and over I would hear from those around me, “Now keep up the good work.” And I would always think, Are you kidding? I’m trying here. Just tell me “good job,”

and don’t worry about whether I lose another dad-gum pound. I get that you are letting me know I have a long way to go!

Yet Another New Start

Coming home from Bermuda, where I felt sincere acceptance, I had real hope. I felt different. I was relaxed, revived, and encouraged. I decided that I was ready to give weight loss another shot. As I set out to lose weight for the eighty-sixth time in my life, I felt prepared. I bought the latest diet book from Sam’s Club and a twelve-pack of muffins. I rationalized the muffin purchase by telling myself I needed to have one last hurrah.

On Monday my plan was to go for it. I would try with everything in me not to let anything stand in my way. Of course, I didn’t see any need to crack open the new book I’d bought until the weekend was over! What would a few more days of indulgence hurt?

Then Monday arrived, and I made my grand entrance at the gym. I even went back three days in a row. The only problem was that by the end of the week I was hanging out more than working out. I’d been trying to get David, the juice bar owner, to tell me his recipe for the yummy chocolate–peanut butter protein shake I was ordering every day. The first clue it wasn’t all that

healthy should have been the chocolate syrup he poured in. But I told myself, if it’s made on gym property, how bad could it be?

By the time the week ended, I had followed the plan in my recently purchased book and had my cheat day. Not surprisingly, I quickly indulged in an entire cheat weekend. However, I managed to get back to the gym the following Monday. The plan I was on was doable, and even with halfhearted efforts, I was slowly losing weight.

After shedding about twenty pounds, I decided I needed some new clothes. This was kind of funny, especially since not one person had noticed that I had lost an ounce. As I said earlier, I’ve always loved fashion. But at this point, with my weight so high, I was stuck wearing mostly dresses and skirts. I just couldn’t face the prospect of trying to fit my behind into a pair of pants

at Lane Bryant. But now, since I was feeling pretty good about myself and getting results, I headed over to the Coral Square Mall. I was there to hunt down a pair of blue jeans. Even if I had to lie down to zip them and not breathe while I wore them, I was determined to come home with new jeans.

I picked up three pairs with plenty of stretch to take into the dressing room. Once the door was closed, though, no amount of sucking it in, squeezing hard, or holding my breath got the jeans up to my waist. I couldn’t make any of them fit. As I held the jeans up and looked in the mirror, I wondered how anyone could stand to look at me. I was a disgusting blob of pain and misery.

I had left home that day feeling good about my progress. I was finally losing some weight. But after a few minutes in a dressing room, I wanted to die. How had I let myself become this pathetic mess of a woman?

A few Cinnabons later I went home. Two weeks after my blue jean horror show, I found out I was expecting. A month into the pregnancy I miscarried due to a badly infected gallbladder, and I ended up having emergency surgery. I wondered if I would ever change my life or if I would die first. Death seemed like perhaps the only escape out of this prison.

About six months later I had an unforgettable encounter with God. I was alone in my car, driving home from a meeting. I had reached my lowest point ever, and I let God in. I had known Him for years, ever since I had been saved from an eternity separated from Him. As a little girl in Sunday school, I had asked Jesus into my heart to save me from my sins. What I needed now, as a desperate, hurting, damaged woman, was to be saved from myself. I was still trying to run my own life.

God had whispered my name through many embarrassing moments and hurtful situations; I just never answered. But that night, alone in my car, He finally got through to me. I experienced a supernatural intervention. And it compels me now to tell my friends, my clients, and my readers my Lazarus story.

An Incredible Second Chance

Remember the story of Lazarus in the Bible? When Jesus brought him back from the dead, and we’re talking dead as a doornail (he was four-days dead), I imagine all he wanted was to blow a trumpet and tell the world about his miracle. Today I feel a similar kind of zeal resulting from my own miracle. As I surrendered all the pain of my lifelong weight problem to God, my heart

began a major shift. God gave me a deep desire to go to work. For the first time, I took on the task of losing the weight with Him in charge. I was no longer alone as I had been in the past. By allowing God, who never breaks a promise, to give me the strength, self-control, and focus I needed, how could I fail?

Ten years later I am on the same course He set for my life that night. My life is still filled with unexpected moments, both tragedies and celebrations. But I have never looked back.

After going on to lose two hundred pounds, I designed my own fitness and weight-loss program and became a certified Spinning teacher, personal trainer, and marathon runner. I love feeling strong, being healthy, and knowing I’m not a slave to my former appetites. Often I run into people I haven’t seen in many years. They may have known me as the overweight girl with a

pretty face. And if I dare to attempt a reacquaintance, I am usually in for a good laugh.

I’ll never forget one woman from a church I attended years earlier. I ran into her at the grocery store and tried to convince her who I was. “You aren’t really Chantel from West Lauderdale Baptist,” she insisted. I tried to get her to believe it was me, just an improved version. I think she finally accepted the truth, but it took awhile.

I am proud of the woman I have worked to become. However, I am most thankful that God rescued me from a place where I had lost all hope. God’s care for me and His work in my life give me the strength to stay on course. Now, after writing four books and producing a learning system for weight loss and fitness, I can see that God continues to use me as a voice of real-life

experience. A big part of my message is this: let me help you stop sabotaging yourself and your life. I know, from hard experience, how to overcome self-defeat. Every day I get to hear the stories of people who were losing hope, as I was, and now are finding the life they had dreamed of. I receive e-mails from women who have heard me speak, read one of my books, or heard me on the radio and now are surrendering their failed attempts to God. They are learning the truth and power of surrender and then doing the hard work of changing their lives.

In my work of helping people reclaim their health, I never know what is coming next. Recently I got a call from my publicist. She was so excited she could hardly tell me the news. “While you are in New York later this week to do The Today Show and Fox and Friends, a major women’s magazine wants to set up a photo shoot.”

I screamed. I couldn’t help it. Not only would the exposure help sell my book, but doing a photo shoot in New York, as the author of fitness books, was an experience I never dreamed I’d have. When I weighed nearly 350 pounds, an opportunity like this never entered my mind.

I couldn’t wait, but I had to. It was still a few weeks away. As New Year’s came and went, I was more careful than ever about fitting in all my workouts and eating clean. (Clean eating is the best way for me to think about food that delivers maximum energy with a reasonable calorie content.) When the day arrived, a driver came to our New York hotel to take Keith and me to the shoot. In the previous week, I had given my measurements to a stylist. She informed me she would be shopping for the clothes I would wear for the photo shoot. To use a term from my Southern-rooted parents, I was in hog heaven! I used to be the woman who was embarrassed to tell anyone her sizes, and now I had someone else buying me clothes based on them! The great part was the freedom in sharing what size I was. For the first time, I felt no shame.

When we arrived at the studio, I noticed that the loft where the photographer had scheduled the shoot was trendy and chic. It had sky-high ceilings complete with lots of lights and screened umbrellas to ensure perfect lighting. Taking up an entire wall was a buffet of food the magazine had catered for the event, my event! All of it was healthy fare with me in mind.

As I entered a dressing room, fun music filled the air. A makeup artist and hairstylist began their magic. I listened while they talked about their past work. One had done Heidi Klum’s makeup not long before, and the other spoke of doing the makeup for big names on a major movie set. I was a little overwhelmed with the emotion of the moment. I felt like I was back to playing Barbie dolls with my sister.

After hair and makeup were underway, the stylist had me try on all the clothes she had bought. We settled on a great pair of designer jeans with a sleek white sweater and a trendy hot pink top. I put on the heels she had purchased—a perfect fit—and some fabulous jewelry. Then I was whisked away to the main part of the studio. In that moment I felt like a million bucks.

It was then the stylist asked me what I believed to be an insane question: “Where are your old blue jeans?” At first I couldn’t believe I had heard her right, but I knew what she was getting at. She said the creative director wanted me to hold up a supersized pair of pants in the photo to show the dramatic contrast represented by clothes I had worn in my previous life.

I understood the point of playing up the shock value. Shoppers standing in line at the supermarket checkout would be amazed by the pants I had once filled out. But the idea that I would have to display a symbol of the old life I had left behind made me feel sick, like I had never lost a pound. How could I hold up a pair of jeans that represented my old humiliation?

I explained to the stylist that not only had I not brought a pair of jeans but I didn’t feel comfortable doing this. As I held my breath, a few phone calls were made, and the shoot continued without the troubling reminder of my past. It turned out to be a great experience, and I was pleased with the photographs. However, I felt a little angry and upset with myself. Hadn’t I moved on past my old image? I could now fit two of me inside my old jeans, so why was this such a big deal? I also wondered if readers might have been helped by seeing me holding up the pants I used to wear. Why couldn’t I just smile into the camera with confidence even if I was standing behind a pair of my old jeans?

I Will Never Return

Back in my hotel room, I awoke in the middle of the night still thinking about the photo shoot. Finally I could see clearly what had offended me. Supersized blue jeans were a symbol of major pain in my life. Holding them up in front of me would not feel as if I was showcasing success. I was now on an exciting journey to share my life and my program to help other people. I had ditched the old jeans, just as I had ditched diets—and both of them for good! Sure, I will always be able to relate to the woman who desperately tries to zip up a pair of pants in a store’s dressing room. But I didn’t want to spend another special moment of my life sharing the spotlight with my former self. I had crossed the point of no return. I now knew without question that I would never go back.

I have a completely new deal, one that focuses on living my new life, the life that God led me to when I fell into my darkest moment. The old me had long wanted to leave behind the constant torment of being overweight and undisciplined. That life is now over. My new deal is much sweeter than I dreamed was possible.

You can have the same deal! You can start living a life of security and freedom. You can be released from the prison of defeat, failure, and negative self-image. And best of all, the new deal we’re going to explore is guaranteed to last.

I won’t ever return to being the person I started out as. There is no going back. And I’ll show you how to take full advantage of the same deal!

My Phrase for 2011

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Every year I try to come up with a singular focus for the year to keep me disciplined in the direction I believe God wants me to take for the year. The past few months as I've prayed over my focus for 2011, a phrase keeps coming to me. I've started hearing it everywhere. In sermons. In books. Even in commercials. And it's not a typical "driven with passion" sort of phrase. That phrase for me is:

REST ASSURED

There's a lot to be said for this determined focus for 2011. Last year I found myself trying to fix too many dilemmas in attempting to provide for my own needs. I ended up "worrying my prayers" rather than walking in complete faith. I wasn't hot and bothered in my worry, but it was a silent pressure always weighing down on me. This year's rest is a different kind of rest. It's not a blind rest. A doubt-filled tossing and turning type of rest. No, God wants me to rest assured that He's handling my life. Rest assured that He is in control. Rest assured that if He leads me to do something He will equip me for the challenge. And rest assured that I don't have to be involved in every good opportunity that comes my way. I knew all of those concepts already, but I'm not sure I was really living them.

So, this is my challenge, and I choose to accept it!

2010 Year in Review (July-December)

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Wednesday I started a look back at the year 2010, with the idea that with the perspective of time, we can often be grateful for situations and circumstances that at the time created stress and concern. Here's a look at the final half of the year.

JULY—God showed up in the middle. In the middle of the year, in the middle of our lives, in the middle of Texas, in the middle of the country, IN THE MIDDLE, life changed for us. After 26 years of full-time service in local church ministry, God directed us to something new. Russ resigned the pastorate and joined me at the communications firm. This necessitated a move out of the parsonage. Where does a couple live when they both work from home and can live wherever? We asked God to show us, and after looking over several options and towns, we had complete peace to move to Brenham, Texas (smack dab between Austin and Houston—another MIDDLE). That led to a whole new set of questions. Where should we rent? Where should we worship? What about recommended doctors, butcher, hair salon, restaurants, etc.? We pared down our belongings to "must haves" and let the rest go to charity. Mayflower picked up what was left and moved it for us. How fitting—we felt like pilgrims in a new land and Mayflower was our ship of choice!

AUGUST—God taught us we can't provide for ourselves all on our own, we must wait for Him to provide, and in the waiting room of life, there is always room for more learning. Just a couple of weeks into the move and I landed in the ER for bronchitis/pneumonia. My lungs were officially welcomed to my new surroundings. After about 30 phone calls with potential clients, with a proposal written for each one, we waited for God to bring in the clients. And waited. In the mean time, God showed us where to worship, and we became part of the Champion Fellowship family. We didn't know a single soul in town, but that was only a temporary problem after coming to Champion. We joined a home team and other small groups and soon learned the names, faces, and hearts of new friends. We stayed busy with projects, but certainly needed to know some extra cash would be coming in soon. One August project was writing a book proposal and sample chapters with co-author Rhonda Rhea. Now we are shopping it around to find a home with the right publishing house.

SEPTEMBER—God used reversals as a teaching tool. Before my big September event, Mom came to visit us in our new surroundings. One of the perks of living here is that Mom is only 5.5 hours away. She came for some Master Gardener training nearby, and we enjoyed a good visit. She traveled home and I traveled to Houston to fly out to Kansas City to serve as apprentice on faculty for CLASSeminars. It ended up quite different than what I expected or planned for. An hour after my arrival, having settled in to the hotel room, I twisted my ankle and did a major number on that foot. It swelled to Fred Flintstone proportions and kept me from getting to do some of what we had planned. It was quite an ordeal and I ended up in physical therapy for a while, fighting the resulting reflex sympathetic dystrophy that developed. This forced me to cancel speaking at CLASS Christian Writers Conference in November, and led to more waiting on God to provide, since I'd missed the conferences where I normally pick up clients and referrals. It's starting to sound like a theme, right?

OCTOBER—God held off just a bit more with provision, just long enough for us to be okay with whatever came our way. Okay if that meant learning to say "Welcome to Walmart." Okay if it meant a completely different way of life. Okay if it meant redefining the services we offer with KCWC. Just okay with "whatever." True contentment. And funny when that contentment surfaced, so did the provision necessary so we could continue without finding outside work!

NOVEMBER—God stretched my wings. Three big highlights this month. I recruited new friend Amy Weaver to assist with table hosting for a local fundraiser for Faith Mission—Candlelit Christmas. We designed the table and chair decor, the dessert menu for itty-bitty yummies (which also served as our 2 tiered centerpiece), and decorated for the big night. The program was a big treat for me, made extra-special shared with friend Erin Eddings. Another great experience was going through the Jonah study with the Tuesday Night Ladies Bible Study group. Thanks, Hope Batchman, for leading it! And another highlight of the month was sharing Thanksgiving with Leno and Mary Yellott, and their family. This was our first road-trip after moving to Brenham. New clients came to KCWC and we started looking forward to 2011.

DECEMBER—God blessed me with a sense of stability. He built our clientele and provided for our needs. Makes me think of the song, "In His Time." This month, often known for celebrating Christmas and family and for looking into the New Year, ended the year right on schedule, having fulfilled all its duties. I was invited to speak at the Ladies Christmas Banquet at church, and that put me in the Christmas spirit. Mom came to spend a week with us, and just having her here also made it seem more like Christmas. Russ and I spent time evaluating the year and praying about new developments for the new year. And we received peace of mind that it was the right time to plan for a home here in Brenham. So as the year came to an end, we enjoyed the most stability of the year, looking forward with anticipation to what is to come. Sometime in June we'll have a new home built and ready to move in. And we have new clients to serve. Starting in January we'll make arrangements to get out speaking more too; Russ filling pulpit for churches and me speaking for special events. It took a while to get to this point, and we certainly haven't "arrived" by any means, but we're ending the year with a greater sense of stability. It doesn't seem like we will have to punch the panic button after all! And you know what? God knew that all the time.

2010 Year in Review (January-June)

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For this last week of the year I'm looking back over 2010. What does a "Grateful Gratitude" list look like from the perspective of 365 days? It's fun to look back to where I was, ahead to where I'm going, and right now to where I'm at. Reflecting is a good place to be. Living in the moment of certain 2010 circumstances, I didn't have the benefit of hindsight. But now, with just a little bit of time passing, and a lot bit of God working on my heart, I can see with a different perspective, and can offer a YEAR IN REVIEW—Grateful Gratitudes.

JANUARY—God flooded me with fellowship. Much needed heart-bonding. I opened the year with our student ministry activity. A new friend entered my life. Jordy. The Link Family came to sing/play at our church, and we renewed our friendship with two Link generations. We toured the Rio Grande Bible College and enjoyed time with the staff there. I traveled to Florida to be the retreat speaker for Word Weavers and enjoyed time with the entire bunch. It was great to stay with host Cheri Cowell and to finally hug (in person) my long-ago writing mentor, Laurie Barker Copeland. Lots of heart conversations and brainstorming happened in January.

FEBRUARY—God redirected my path. CLASSeminars invited me to consider starting the training process to join their faculty. My first official event in this training capacity was the CLASS reunion in Palm Springs, CA. I enjoyed getting to know the others, and co-teaching with Linda Gilden.

MARCH—God stretched me. My business required more intensive skill, more consult calls. Just MORE. And my everyday life situations caused me to dig deeper with my faith walk.

APRIL—God became even more real to me. The Easter service was extra special—a woven blending of music and message, seamless reflection of the price He paid for me, of the power of His resurrection, of the hope found as we anticipate His return. I served on faculty at Quad-Cities Christian Writers Conference and while there God's presence was evident in manifold ways. A "random" drawing selected Robin Steinweg to receive a special grant from my communications firm, but what I couldn't have known is that God was directing our steps to knit our hearts in an extra-special friendship. I got to attend worship with my sister-friend, Twila Belk, and soaked in an incredible day of sharing life stuff. I found out that my longtime assistant, Gina Stinson, needed to give resignation notice, and we both cried at the thought of this separation. She stayed on through our KCWC staffing transition and I remain grateful for her faithful service over the past three years.

MAY—God nudged me to step out. When our May Tea was canceled, I was disappointed. I'd put my heart and soul into planning the event over the past year. But I knew it was the right move. After the cancellation, an opportunity opened up to go for more CLASSeminars training. How obvious that God was moving me to work with this wonderful organization! I roomed with Gerry Wakeland, and had Betty Southard as my mentor. Wonderful to have two new godly women in my life, for such a time as this! It also became obvious that God was preparing our hearts for a move. He allowed doors to shut and other doors to open. Difficult times in the moment, but looking back with the perspective of hindsight, I can be grateful for His direction.

JUNE—God reminded me to write plans in pencil to allow for last-minute "life" adjustments. I served on faculty with Write-To-Publish. What an incredible writers' conference! Thanks to Lin Johnson, Joyce Ellis and Jane Rubietta for bringing me in to share with the attendees of the Career Track. After the conference, I met family for a reunion in MO and while there we were called back to Texas prematurely to bury a man we greatly loved and respected. What didn't happen was the rest of our family vacation, my participation as emcee at the AWSA (Advanced Writers and Speakers Association) conference, or attending the International Christian Retailers Show in St. Louis. Not going to those events caused me to miss out on the new clients I normally pick up for the year. We had just signed a lease to rent a home in Brenham, TX as Russ was to come on board with my KCWC firm starting in July. We were (and are) certain God directed the change, but with the canceled conferences, all of a sudden with the wheels in motion, all the security blankets were pulled away and only one thing remained—trusting God for our future.

(Friday I'll post Part Two, July through December, 2010)

Today's Message: God With Us

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Today, Pastor preached a Christmas message from the book of Matthew. What stood out to me was just how important it is that God came to be with us. Immanuel. Jesus put on human flesh, yet remained sinless to pay the debt we could not pay. But this year, Immanuel means more than the fact that God came to Earth in the form of the baby Jesus. This year, I make it more personal and more of a day-to-day gift than the gift of salvation. Not just God with us. God with ME. God with YOU. What does it mean to me to know that God isn't just in Heaven, but He's here helping me, talking with me about normal and important stuff, nurturing me. And it's not a one-sided relationship—He loves hearing from me. He walks with me and talks with me and tells me I am His own. Immanuel. God with us.

Technology and Christmas Merge—What Fun!

2010-12-15T18:07:00.006-05:00

I just have to share North Point's iBand Christmas Music presentation, showing off the modern technology of iPads and iPhones. No real instruments. I'm not saying "let's throw out the instruments we know and love." But I am saying "this is fun!"

Click on the photo above, sit back and enjoy 3 songs for your listening and viewing pleasure!

http://youtu.be/F9XNfWNooz4

My Favorite New Christmas Commercial

2010-12-14T23:59:00.000-05:00

Top 10 Skills for PWs During the Holidays (wink-wink)

2010-12-10T11:42:00.003-05:00

Top 10 Skills of a PW During the Holidays

by Kathy Carlton Willis

Said pastor’s wife must:

1. Recreate the First Nativity, in life-size scale, for a silent witness in the parsonage front yard.

2. Incorporate the Twelve Days of Christmas into her baking and gift-giving schedule, taking special care with the partridge in a pear tree.

3. Live green with the motto of recycle, repurpose, reuse. Start by repurposing the silver tinsel as kitty dental floss.

4. Create a Christmas card list to include every church member, visitor, “used to be” members, and “meant to be” visitors. Being clairvoyant is an added skill set for this requirement.

5. Create a cookie recipe for each day of the advent calendar, ready for parsonage pop-in guests at any time of day or night. It’s highly offensive to serve day-old cookies to the president of the lap quilt guild.

6. Have a gift-wrapped present at the ready for any impromptu exchange, so that gift-bearers do not leave empty-handed.

7. Stock up on gifts that look impressive but cost less than a cup of coffee. (Regular, not Starbucks!)

8. Keep in mind every dietary restriction of every church attendee. Recipes should be gluten free, diabetic-friendly, lactose-free, low fat, low carb, yet high in taste. On a pastor’s salary.

9. Have a different party outfit appropriate for every holiday invitation between Thanksgiving and New Years. Can’t duplicate what anyone else is wearing. On a pastor’s budget.

10. Be willing to drop everything to be available for every beck and call from lonely members, fighting couples and stress-filled moms who need a listening ear during the blues-humbug of the season.

Come read the rest of this post over at the original spot. The Pastor's Wife Speaks. It includes real tips to help you enjoy the holidays without pulling your hair out.

GRATEFUL GRATITUDES—Monday's Version

2010-12-06T11:24:00.001-05:00

GRATEFUL GRATTTUDES

For some reason, holiday gratitudes pack a more potent punch than everyday appreciations—not sure why, other than my heart is already warmed up and excited.

Here’s my list:

I’m grateful for the opportunity to speak and sing for a Christmas Banquet last week. I had so much fun with that program, and it was a huge blessing to me to have ladies waiting to talk with me afterward, so we could love on each other in a more personal way. Encouragement, counsel, motivation, inspiration, laughter, building up, sisterhood. All good!
I’m grateful for facebook, to get to know new people quicker than possible in person. There’s only so much I can learn about a person when we go out for a beverage for an hour. But interacting on facebook several times a week reinforces what I’ve started in person, and takes us to a closer friendship, quicker.
I’m grateful for a comfortable bed. When nothing else is right, when everything that doesn’t hurt, doesn’t work, my mattress set and sheets envelopes me in warm fuzzy comfort.
I’m grateful for words of affirmation. Gary Chapman would say it’s my “love language.” All I know is, when I get feedback, I feel more secure in my plugged-in position of life purpose. I’ve had feedback this week that I’ll save in my mental affirmations file for future reference whenever I begin to doubt myself.
I’m grateful for music. Sometimes when words can’t penetrate the fog of my heart or mind, music breaks through and speaks to me. Puts me on the right path. And it doesn’t take long—instant transformation!

Afterglow

2010-12-03T01:35:00.004-05:00

God showed up big-time at tonight's Christmas Banquet! But let me back up just a bit. A few weeks ago I was invited to speak and sing for the Ladies Ministry banquet. I've enjoyed the preparation process.

Then of course, this week drained me with unrelated disappointments and challenges. Fatigue set in. I was spent before it ever started!

At lunch I rehearsed the song for tonight (Point Of Grace's "All Is Well"). It reduced me to a puddle, yet at the same time—spoke to my heart. So this afternoon I spent time praying and resting, asking God to continue to empty "me" out and use me however He deemed best.

God has never expected me to be on my own when I speak or sing. He's not only "with" me, but when I'm yielded to Him, He's flowing through me. His reflection. And that's what happened tonight.

He blessed me with the ability to recall the points of my message when the words were sort of swimming on the page, so I could speak from my heart with just a few brief peeks at my notes. Not only that, but He gave me a couple of new examples/illustrations as we went along that surprised even me. One will stick with me and probably develop into a complete program sometime.

But God didn’t finish with the AMEN. Oh no! He also breathed me through the song to close the program. I was concerned the song was too simple to be effective, but obeyed His direction to use it. The song was perfectly fitting. Father knows best! The impact of the entire evening was staggering.

Then God continued the blessings by bringing ladies up to talk with me. One after one they shared from their hearts. It was a combination of all the things that make me happy:

fellowship
ministry
encouragement
counseling
connecting
building friendships
edifying

And did I mention, “NEW FRIENDS!”

And new ministry opportunities.

I'm reminded again why I love being called to speak and sing. I witnessed light bulbs going on above heads all over the room as the words spoke to hearts. It was then that God whispered to me, “Kathy, why aren’t you doing this more? Be open to new opportunities for 2011.” That’s exciting.

I am blessed. So blessed. And basking in the afterglow.

GRATEFUL GRATITUDES—Monday's Version

2010-11-29T01:35:00.007-05:00

GRATEFUL GRATTTUDES

Gratitude List as I Look Ahead:

So blessed to have friends and family who feel close even when they are far away. Thankful for technology to keep us up-to-date with each other. Never at any other time in my life have I enjoyed interacting with so many. Grateful to renew old friendships through e-mail, facebook, blogs, and more.
Grateful for the legacy others have left behind even though they've gone on ahead. I get reminder flashbacks all the time. Special memories of Dad, grandparents, cousins, Mother-in-Love, and more. Today I saw a picture of an evergreen and candle centerpiece and had a flashback of the years Mom and Dad wired me this flower arrangement for a combination birthday/Christmas gift. It graced my table as I entertained various groups for the holidays. Such a special idea (Mom—thank you for making it happen!).
Love the gift of "anticipation." This is going to be a great week, and I can't wait to get this party started! Bible Study through Priscilla Shirer's Jonah study, Ladies Christmas Banquet, great clients to serve with projects to dream up, and more.
Grateful for the opportunity to help others. Anytime that happens, it makes me feel better inside and out. I need to be aware of even more of these opportunities and avail myself to them. Made a meal Saturday for a family, and even though I was feeling rough, it soothed the physical pain to know I was helping out a family in their time of need. It's possible it blessed me even more than it blessed them (especially since my cooking wasn't stellar!).
So glad for a helpful husband. Russ brought home a few groceries this afternoon. I wasn't even expecting it—he just did it. Enough for us to have a meal, and to have a few extras. Even my favorite diet soft drink—he noticed I was all out. What a guy!

"Developing a true attitude of gratitude means inviting our heavenly Father into every aspect of our lives—including thanking Him even in situations we don't like.
"Thank You, Father, for being with me."
"Thank You, Father, that somehow You will bring Your good out of this mess."
And, yes, it's okay for us to stay that with tears running down our cheeks. He understands our hearts. And we do not pray to air."
— Sandra Aldrich

Thanksgiving Gratitude List

2010-11-22T22:58:00.003-05:00

This isn’t just a Monday Gratitude List. This time, it’s a Thanksgiving List. When I look at how life has changed in the last year, I’m counting my blessings for:

I’m grateful for a place to live. The thought of not having shelter is a scary thing, and just a couple of weeks ago, I wasn’t certain we’d be able to afford the rent much longer. What a relief to have work come in. Security!
I’m grateful for new clients. Not just provision for bills, but rewarding work to do. Fulfillment!
I’m grateful for settling in to a new town. Finding new friends. A place of worship. Community!
I’m grateful for a loving husband who would take me to the moon and back if that’s where I wanted to go. Intimacy!
I’m grateful for a God who loves me. Who wants me to commune with Him. He listens when we talk. Security, Fulfillment, Community AND Intimacy!

Boundaries and Borders

2010-11-19T11:21:00.005-05:00

I've been thinking a lot about boundaries and borders this week. Drs. Henry Cloud and John Townsend wrote Boundaries: When to Say Yes, When to Say No, To Take Control of Your Life. It's obvious Christians often confuse the lines when it comes to what we allow to happen in our lives. We're supposed to live yielded lives with a focus of God and others before self. When does that yieldedness turn into a doormat? The Bible says we are to love others as we love ourselves, so are there times when our love for self requires us to say "no" to prevent us from burn-out? We are supposed to be willing to "go the extra mile" for others. What happens when they want TWO miles? What happens when we are feeling spent and taken advantage of? If we go the extra miles do we wear out our soles? And our souls? Three issues came to the surface just yesterday to cause me to evaluate this delicate balance even further.

What do I owe my clients as far as my time? When is it okay to be unavailable because it's family time and not work time? When is it time to tell them "poor planning on your part does not necessitate an emergency on mine"?
When someone wants a piece of me that is not theirs to take, how blunt do I have to become before they comprehend they have asked too much of me? Some say I'm "too nice" and because of that I encourage others to use me. I'm trying to balance "serving-it-forward" with saying "no" to create appropriate boundaries. Not because it's all about me but because I won't have any "me" to help others if I'm no longer effective. I guess it's a lot like having to put the oxygen mask on myself before I help others place their own oxygen masks (taken from a flight attendant spiel.)
When is it time to seek legal counsel to represent my best interests? Health insurance won't pay claims related to an injury—subrogating responsibility to the hotel that was negligent. The hotel insurance will not assume liability, piling on more paperwork and using intimidation tactics to bury me in details so I'll give up. Medical providers are sending notes saying "pay or else." I do not like working with attorneys, to be frank, because my past experience has proven they ramp up the hours and end up being the only one getting anything from a lawsuit. But I also know we have zero monies to pay these medical bills. I'm praying I can find an attorney who will take my case for a percentage of the win, rather than a retainer. I can't believe I'm at the point of needing to seek counsel. I would rather be Mrs. Nice Gal.

I want to always be available for what God has me to do. Serving Him. Serving others. I don't want to become hardened by circumstances and jaded by users. I'm praying I continue to learn how to create godly boundaries, only excluding from my life what God leads me to exclude, and letting in all the other stuff, even if it takes a big chunk of me in the process. Not a doormat, but a door-tender.

What have you learned about setting boundaries? Share your tips and your dilemmas here. Maybe we can help each other along on this journey!

JONAH: From the View of a Child

2010-11-17T00:40:00.001-05:00

Watch this amazing child tell the story of Jonah. Talk about an actress in the making!

The story of Jonah from Corinth Baptist Church on Vimeo.

No Greater Joy!

2010-11-16T00:43:00.005-05:00

"He's serving as a deacon in his church."

That's the news we heard about Craig Long, one of the first teens in our first student ministry. Not only was Craig all grown up and serving as deacon, but he was blessed with a full family, married to wife Carol (also from our first youth department) and parents to their precious children. To make our joy even more complete, we discovered they lived just 75 miles away. The Longs came to my husband's very special ordination service to give a few words endorsing Russ to the congregation. It was a magical night. Craig and Carol, I'd love to reconnect!

Speaking of reconnecting, just recently I found a young girl from a previous ministry on facebook. Not so young anymore, she sported photos of a new hubby and baby, and a brand new nursing degree. Beautiful—this one! April came to me as a child so we could talk about her terrible nightmares. It was something we shared in common. She must have been 8 at the time. To fight the fear, she started journaling and memorizing scripture. I'll never forget how proud I was when she stood in front of the entire sanctuary to quote a full chapter in the Bible. She knew there was special power in God's Word. It got her through a rough time.

I smile every time I think of Easter that year. She was just learning about the Christian faith, and had lots of questions. She'd ask her mom and grandma, "Is the Savior going to be at church on Sunday?"

They'd reply, "Yes, April, the Savior will be at church. He's everywhere."

She got frustrated the more they assured her because it was obvious they didn't understand her question, so finally she blurted out, "No Grandma. Not Jesus. Is Savior WILLIS going to be at church on Sunday?" Pastor—Savior. I can see how that would get confusing! Certainly gave Russ a bit of a boost, and all of us a smile.

But nothing could prepare me for the joy of today. You see, today when I checked my facebook updates, I read that April had given a devotional Bible lesson for her church ladies the other evening. Little April, all grown up. Not just physically, but spiritually. The Bible verse I share at the top of this post says it so well. There really is no greater joy than for me to hear that those I've mentored, my spiritual children, are walking in God's truth. It's times like this that God nudges me and says, "See Kathy. It's worth all the frustrations and suffering and pain of this life to point a child in the faith to learn of Me. To know Me. To trust Me. Don't give up. Keep shining the light so others can see the way."

By sharing this story, I pray you also realize that you are making a difference, and you can continue to make a difference. Can you think of the ones who made a difference in your life? Why not leave a comment sharing their names? Let's all show thanks for those who impacted us when our lives were at the crossroads. Shaped us. Compelled us to choose right and to love the Lord. We get to serve it forward—and be blessed with no greater joy!

GRATEFUL GRATITUDES—Monday's Version

2010-11-15T10:05:00.003-05:00

Here's my gratitude list for the past couple of weeks:

I'm blessed by the beautiful decor and touching program of Faith Mission's Candlelit Christmas Banquet. So glad to be a small part of it, and looking forward to next year. Even more, praying Faith Mission raises the funds necessary to finance all the good they do in our community.
So glad for fleece when it's cold. 'Nuff said.
Indulging in homemade when the norm is store-bought. A special unctuousness that elicits nostalgia. Comfort cozy.
I'm grateful for e-mails and facebook connections to bond me with friends all over the world. This is not just surface stuff. In fact, I think sometimes it strips away the casual and gets to a deeper level sooner.
Mobius coffeehouse. Love my nearby hang-out.

I'm finding a theme surfacing here—comfy cozy warm and fuzzy, whether it's socks or my heart, all these things bring me to a special place. Thankful, me. Blessed to the rim.

Gratefully,
Kathy

Come on a WHIM (See, Giggle, Share!)

2010-11-12T08:57:00.005-05:00

Come read my article over at The Pastor's Wife Speaks. Today we're talking about funny stories that happen when we're at speaking events. I share a couple of mine and offer a giveaway drawing for others to share their stories. Come see. Come giggle. Come share.

It's all over at: The Pastor's Wife Speaks

JONAH: Week One

2010-11-09T11:48:00.002-05:00

I just completed Week One of Priscilla Shirer's study book Jonah: Navigating a Life Interrupted. Tonight our study group meets at Champion Fellowship to discuss what God's been showing us through the study, and to watch the video for the next lesson. I'll be facilitating a small group during this study, and am looking forward to the interaction. Here are some key points from Week One.

Day One:
Insignificant Person + Insignificant Task = Interruption
Significant Person + Significant Task = Divine Intervention

How do I view interruptions in life? Are they an inconvenience? Do they cost me time and money to stop and do something not in my plans? What if I viewed them as gifted to me from God to accomplish His bigger purpose?

I find we all have the potential for significance, not from anything within ourselves except a choice we make to allow God to work. Which leads to Day Two.

Day Two:
"God doesn't need us to complete His purposes, yet He still chooses to ask us to partner with Him...Believing that divine interruptions are a privilege not only will cause us to handle them differently but also to await them eagerly." Page 17

Divine Intervention + Yielded Submission = Eternal Significance

When I think of yielding or submitting to God, I think of merging on to traffic. They have the right of way. I must stop and look and use all my senses and then join the flow of traffic. Just like in life. If I'm to yield to God, I have to stop what I'm doing and stop going in my direction at my speed, and merge to His direction, His speed, His wishes.

Day Three:
How will we make our mark—make a difference—for the Kingdom? It's when we come to an end of ourselves and put God's agenda ahead of our own. It's not about my resume or my abilities. It's about my availability to God's leading. And through this yielding, it is God who is writing my story. And He knows how it's going to end!

Day Four:
The real star in my story—just like in Jonah's story—is God. He's the One who makes the difference. Page 23 says, "...having a fresh view of Him is paramount if we are to begin believing that life interruptions are really divine interventions."

I see that God IS the boss of me—He is the owner. I'm merely the manager. We haven't been asked to be in charge of our lives, but to make sure the boss' wishes are carried out by overseeing the implementation of His instructions.

Day Five:
Sometimes following God makes no sense, but His ways are not our ways. They might even sound ridiculous, like some distorted dream. But His instructions are very real and when we act on what He says, we are showing trust and faith in His plan. Our feelings and thoughts can sometimes lie to us and confuse us. By being focused on God's Word we can have a true measure of what is right (through the Bible and through the nudges of the Holy Spirit as well as from instruction through wise counsel).

Worry and Prayer

2010-11-08T11:39:00.003-05:00

I love what The Message says about worry and prayer. Check it out:

Philippians 4:6
Don't fret or worry. Instead of worrying, pray. Let petitions and praises shape your worries into prayers, letting God know your concerns. Before you know it, a sense of God's wholeness, everything coming together for good, will come and settle you down. It's wonderful what happens when Christ displaces worry at the center of your life.

James 1:5
If you don't know what you're doing, pray to the Father. He loves to help. You'll get his help, and won't be condescended to when you ask for it. Ask boldly, believingly, without a second thought. People who "worry their prayers" are like wind-whipped waves. Don't think you're going to get anything from the Master that way, adrift at sea, keeping all your options open.

A Style to Dye For

2010-11-05T19:22:00.008-05:00

Ever endured one of the dreaded "bowl" haircuts while perched on a stack of books atop a kitchen chair? Mom managed to perform several of those, especially on school picture day. In my mind I was a pleasant little girl, sitting ramrod straight, but I'm quite certain that in the real world it was next to impossible for Mom to get me to sit still long enough to cut the straight line required for those school-girl bangs. I do remember a couple of hair salon visits in my childhood, but those were rare. At times Mom brought home a Lilt permanent to torture my hair (and nostrils) just a bit more. You see, we often had to make do with what we had.

Imagine our joy when Aunt Minnie began to apprentice as a hair stylist at her sister's shop. Finally I could sport the latest hair-dos! I became a living practice mannequin for Aunt Minnie. Shag haircut? Mine. Dorothy Hamill's wedge, yep. French braid, perfect for Senior Awards Ceremony. Soft curls for my wedding day. And later, we newlyweds sported matching bi-level unisex styles (permed curly on top, straight and short on bottom). Aunt Minnie started my love affair with hairstyles. Just one more way to express my personality and style—like changing jewelry.

Color came next. My hair hasn't known the hue of its base color since 1995. I say my hair is chemically dependent, but I'm not ready to go in for rehab just yet.

I've had home cuts and perms. Been to Barber School and Beauty School. Even been blessed with some expensive salon experiences (sometimes complete with sticker shock). And now that we are back to the basics, I'm doing my own color again.

Today, after 8 weeks of neglecting my hair, I finally ran down to the Continental Hairlines shop for a nice (reasonable) razor cut. After a trip to Wal-mart, I brought home a new kind of hair color. Two-process. Now I can have my color, and highlights too!

I'm not sure why I procrastinated this for so long. It feels great to be back in the "hairstyle" saddle again. No more tears.

I'll Never Be a Famous Singer

2010-11-03T23:21:00.005-05:00

Yesterday while riding the exercise bike at physical therapy, I watched music on TV. Not my pick—but the music drew me in. I think it was a country music video channel. I noticed the striking beauty and youthfulness of the celebrities. Each singer was model-like; stunning really. But what hit me even more than their style was their age. All were about half my age (and half my weight)!

I used to want that life. Be a singer. Do concerts. Record songs. Not to be a star so much as for music to be a big part of my life. I love the harmonies. The lyrics and chords move me. I would have especially loved to be part of a group because joining voices and instruments together is the best.

But God had other plans, and I've loved my life. No complaints! It's just that...today it hit me. At my age, the dream is over. I'm never going to be a "singer." I can still do lots of new things in life that aren't affected by age or looks.

As soon as the thought hit me that I would never be a singer, a second thought hit me. "Not in THIS life." But the exciting thought is that in eternity, guess what I'll be doing? SINGING! And can you imagine the lyrics and tunes lifted up when we get to sing praises in front of our King of Kings? It's going to be thrilling.

I better stay in practice. Just in case.

Life Interrupted

2010-11-03T13:16:00.003-05:00

Last night I attended the first session for a Bible Study entitled Jonah: Navigating a Life Interrupted by Priscilla Shirer. I have to admit I would never think a study of Jonah would be something I could relate to. I obey God. I've made some extreme directional changes in my life because He said so. But over the past month two or three people said that my crazy 2010 life sounds like what Priscilla writes in this book. It's all about seeing the interruptions in life NOT as inconveniences to our agendas, but as divine appointments. God is getting ready to do something and we need to pay attention to see what it is.

The description of this study says:

What do we do when God interrupts our lives? Many times, like Jonah, we run! In this 7-session Bible study, Priscilla redefines interruption and shows that interruption is actually God's invitation to do something beyond our wildest dreams. When Jonah was willing to allow God to interrupt his life, the result was revival in an entire city.

I'll fill you in on what I discover during this journey!

Grateful Gratitudes

2010-11-01T23:24:00.007-05:00

GRATEFUL GRATTTUDES

“When you are grateful, fear disappears and abundance appears.” Anthony Robbins

For several years, I've participated in a weekly gratitude sharing exercise on an e-mail loop for those with Sjogren's Syndrome. We've found that an attitude of gratitude really helps put life in better perspective. Every Monday I try to collect a list of small and large blessings for which to express thankfulness, and it's been a wonderful practice to develop. Here's my list for this week:

The praise team led my current favorite song during worship yesterday. "Beautiful Things." My how that song (lyrics and music together) lifts me to a higher plane.
We were able to pay first-of-the-month bills even though we had some financial reversals this past month. Can't explain it except that God provided for our needs.
New recipes helped us save money, but gave us fresh new flavors for our taste buds. Double good!
We are seeing some improvement with my physical therapy. Two of the six motions for range of motion are getting better. I'll take what I can get, knowing the rest will respond over time.
I'm blessed to get to encourage some really special writers and speakers. Many are just at the beginning stages of setting this up as a business/ministry rather than a hobby, and it's so fun to see them blossom. Talk about getting me jazzed!

What's on your gratitude list? Feel free to leave a comment to mention yours. You'll feel better for it!

Overheard on the Subject of Love...

2010-11-01T00:18:00.018-05:00

Overheard on the Subject of Love...

"Dear Lord, thank You for loving us. For BEING love."
— prayed by Worship Leader Jason Morgan during service.

That's right! God doesn't just show us how to love. He doesn't just love us. He IS love. IF we looked up "love" in a LIFE dictionary, we'd see God. So when we have love issues, where do you think we should go? Dear Abby has NOTHING on our Lord!

"They say the Top 3 gifts are faith, hope and love. When we are in heaven, we won't need faith because we'll see Jesus with our own eyes. We won't need hope because our hopes will be realized. But oh! LOVE will still abound. And that is why the greatest of these is LOVE."
— in Pastor Tim Webb's message today at Champion Fellowship.

My prayer for this week is that I will think more about selfless love and how to display that to others. May I have the heart of God to have the love of God, with the eyes of God to see the ones who need the love of God, and the arms of God to reach out to those who need the love of God, delivered walking with the feet of God.

Sabbatical Almost Over!

2010-10-23T22:49:00.006-05:00

In July, Russ and I moved to a new town, a new life—a new start. Each day since our decision to move has been filled with a crazy tug-of-war, delivering good news and bad news. I stopped most optional activities to focus on the necessary elements of our new beginning. So this blog took a bit of a sabbatical. I'm looking forward to returning in November—maybe sooner. So, be on the lookout for new posts, coming soon! Thanks for your patience as we took this break to regroup. We'll be coming back stronger and refreshed.

On a WHIM: New Article for Pastors' Wives

2010-09-10T22:43:00.005-05:00

I have a new post over at The Pastor's Wife Speaks. I'll be writing a monthly column for them, and would love for you to support me over there as well as share it with any pastors' wives you know.

Here's the logo for it:

Here's part of it:

Hide and Don’t Seek?

Do you arrive early for church, only to wish you were invisible so you could avoid the verbal assaults from well-intentioned (and not-so well-intentioned) members? Here’s the scenario: Mrs. Crowder always has a prayer request. Those I can handle. Then Mrs. Berry hunts me down with a message for my husband because she doesn’t want to bother him, but he really should know that the microphones weren’t loud enough last week and the music was too loud and the people in the back couldn’t read the screens. Mrs. Tina comes running out of breath because the bathrooms are out of toilet paper and it would be easier for me to restock them than for her to do it—she needs to get to Sunday School class early to make sure she hears all the gos—er—I mean prayer requests. Then Rachel quizzes me on the spirituality of the recent youth activities and speculates that we’re just entertaining them and not winning souls. Tom pulls me aside to tell me that he can’t make it to a board meeting, and he’d rather not tell my husband personally—could I please relay the message for him. On and on it goes. People with criticisms, rumors, tasks, excuses, and the occasional prayer request.

For many years I could fake it when the demands made me weary. I just put on a smile, took a deep breath and continued on my way. Sunday’s only one day a week, right?

But then...
Read the rest of it HERE.

A Man Named Cec

2010-06-28T17:50:00.007-05:00

June has been designated as Cecil Murphey Appreciation Month, and he's come to my mind several times throughout the month. You can go to his website to read his official bio and hear about his 100+ book titles. CLICK HERE.

I want to tell you why he's special to ME.

Cec didn't know me from Eve, yet from our very first time of meeting, he has encouraged me. He listens to me and asks my opinion on issues, like what I think MATTERS. He teaches by showing me through example, rather than lecturing me. I can watch the way he lives each day to learn about the industry, about matters of faith, about life.

Cec shows me the importance of paying it forward in life. When God blesses (and He does!), rather than hoarding it, it's time to share those blessings with others. Not just finances, but time, and talent and other resources. Cec isn't the typical philanthropist. Yes, he donates funds to all sorts of worthy causes. But more than a monetary philanthropist, he's a philanthropist of the heart.

Here's how I know that--he writes me and asks for me to send him updates, and says he's praying for me. Not just at that moment. He prays for me DAILY. I must admit, I'm not even sure *I* pray for me daily! Do you realize just what a gift that is? He knows so many people that if he prayed for them all daily he wouldn't have time to do anything else. So his gift of time in prayer for me is the most generous thing he has ever bestowed upon me.

Cec isn't all bubble gum and cotton candy inside. He's got some grit about him. He dubs himself the curmudgeon. I think that's what I like about him. He's the real deal. He's genuine. He doesn't try to be something he's not. And he brings out that same transparent quality in others he mentors.

One time I spelled Cec's name wrong and he called me on it. I typed "I will spell Cecil Murphey correctly" 100 times and sent it to him. We both smiled. And you can guess—I never spelled his name incorrectly again! He has an "e" in his last name, and don't you forget it!

I am blessed to be one of the MANY who knows Cec Murphey. The man with a heart (AND a smile) as big as Texas!

(Kathy Carlton Willis)

To read a current interview with Cec, by SORMAG, click HERE.

CHURCH: Cruise Ship or Battleship?

2010-03-02T23:59:00.001-05:00

FIRST Wildcard Tour: You Can Still Wear Cute Shoes!

2010-02-19T00:00:00.003-05:00

I confess. I collect books written for pastors' wives. There aren't that many out there, so it's not a huge collection. My oldest one dates back to 1942 entitled, The Pastor's Helpmate. So, when I had the opportunity to review this new book by Lisa McCay, I jumped at the chance. Of course, the title was my first hook. Before my foot surgery, my philosophy about shoes was, it's the one thing that stays the same size, so enjoy shoes to express your personality. And the subtitle also grabbed me--And Other Great Advice from an Unlikely Preacher's Wife. I'm an unlikely preacher's wife, so this book was for me!

The book should be required reading for all women married to the ministry. It shows what real life is in the ministry and how to endure in the good times and the bad times. Lisa endorses every pastor's wife having a life. A life with friends. A life with family. A life pursuing passions. A life pleasing God most of all rather than attempting to please all the people all the time.

Lisa's transparency helps her story and advice ring true. A dose of reality with a spoonful of humor helps the medicine go down.

It is time for a FIRST Wild Card Tour book review! If you wish to join the FIRST blog alliance, just click the button. We are a group of reviewers who tour Christian books. A Wild Card post includes a brief bio of the author and a full chapter from each book toured. The reason it is called a FIRST Wild Card Tour is that you never know if the book will be fiction, non~fiction, for young, or for old...or for somewhere in between! Enjoy your free peek into the book!

You never know when I might play a wild card on you!

Today's Wild Card author is:

Lisa McKay

and the book:

You Can Still Wear Cute Shoes

David C. Cook; New edition (February 1, 2010)

***Special thanks to Audra Jennings of The B&B Media Group for sending me a review copy.***

ABOUT THE AUTHOR:

Lisa McKay and her husband, Luke, serve at a thriving church in Alabama. Together they are happily – if not always properly—raising three rowdy boys and one dramatic girl. In addition to being a wife and mom, Lisa is also a popular conference speaker.

Visit the author's website.

You Can Still Wear Cute Shoes, by Lisa McKay from David C. Cook on Vimeo.

Product Details:

List Price: $12.99
Paperback: 208 pages
Publisher: David C. Cook; New edition (February 1, 2010)
Language: English
ISBN-10: 1434767264
ISBN-13: 978-1434767264

AND NOW...THE FIRST CHAPTER:

My Husband’s Calling is My Calling Too

Many are the plans of a man’s heart, but it is the LORD’s purpose that prevails.—Proverbs 19:21 (NASB)

I once had an interesting conversation with a woman whose husband had enrolled in seminary to prepare for ministry. “He can take classes all he wants, but I didn’t sign up for the preacher’s wife thing,” she said. Since she didn’t believe her husband would actually follow through, she went on to tell me she planned on humoring him until the day his calling affected her. And if that day ever came? Well, she’d just cross that bridge when she came to it.

He is still in school. She is still in denial.

Around that same time I attended a pastor’s wife conference that included a panel discussion at the end. Lined across the stage, five women in different seasons of ministry shared the thing they found most difficult about being married to a minister.

I’ll never forget the response of the youngest woman. She was the mom of toddlers and was obviously distressed. “The hardest thing for me is everyone wanting a piece of my husband and not acknowledging me in the least,” she said. “I feel like the person in the background who is only here to take care of the kids so he can be free to take care of everyone else.”

I was grieved by her raw response. All I wanted to do was wrap my arms around that girl and assure her she had it all wrong. That she was an integral part of her husband’s ministry. That her calling in that season was her children. That no amount of public success possibly mattered if her heart and home were in shambles. The sad thing is that I’ve met many more like her in the past fifteen years during my own life as a minister’s wife. If anything, this has intensified my desire to embrace and encourage women whom God has charged with supporting the men He has ordained to proclaim His Word.

The fact that I just typed that last sentence still baffles me. You have no idea how surreal it is for me to be writing this book. There are many of you reading who have been Christians as long as you can remember and always knew you would marry a preacher. Many more of you grew up as the child of a minister and swore you would never marry one yourself, only to find yourself eating your words. Some of you have pursued callings to various vocational ministries and met your mate in college, seminary, etc. Some of you married men who were already serving in the church. However, based on my blog surveys, a lot of your serene lives were turned inside out when your husband experienced God’s call to ministry some point after you were married.

And then on the lunatic fringe are girls like me whose life and marital background weren’t exactly résumé worthy.

A Match Made In Heaven?

My husband, Luke, and I married young. I was a mere eighteen and he a strapping twenty-one. Can I just be honest and tell you there were never two individuals any more needy or any less likely to be serving behind a pulpit?

I always cringe when we run into old high school friends. The question of what we’re doing now always comes up, and there is one response that we can count on when we share that Luke is a pastor—after the laughter dies down, that is.

“Luke, you are a preacher? And Lisa? You are a preacher’s wife?! Okay, joke’s over. Now what are you really doing?”

We would be offended if we weren’t just as baffled.

I forgive our flabbergasted friends because I can’t hold their excellent recall against them. They remember the dangerous combination of the wild boy and the bitter girl whose marriage was tumultuous at best. Surely, the future they envisioned for us was set in a divorce court rather than a sanctuary. They were within days of being absolutely correct.

There is no human reason why Luke and I should still be wed today, much less serving the body of Christ. Even though we were not yet believers, our union started off well enough. But we soon faced the heartbreaking yet all too common reality of many young couples: The stress of working different shifts, having more month than money, and living the separate lives that developed in the midst of it resulted in our parting ways and filing for divorce two short years after the ceremony.

I despised the not-yet-preacher, and the truth is I loathed myself as much as him. We had hurt each other in a million ways, and all I could think of was getting away and starting over. We were within a week of our divorce being final when one night I received a bizarre phone call from him. He told me he had started going to church and wanted us to rethink what we were doing.

I went off the deep end! I spewed, “So you are turning into a religious fanatic—and you think that is going to fix everything?” I was so full of hate and bitterness, and it still makes me blush to think of all the horrible things I said to him about his newfound religion. He continued, very patiently, to call and tell me he was asking God for a miracle as the clock ticked toward the day our marriage would be legally over.

One night during the critical week before the divorce was final, I had gone to bed, still convinced divorce was the only answer. For some reason, I woke up around two a.m. and the tears began to flow. I missed my husband so badly I could barely lay there. I remember thinking, “What is wrong with you? You cannot stand him! It’s almost over, just hang in there.” I realize now that voice was Satan’s, bent on thwarting God’s plan for us. If you ask me how I know prayer works, or how I know God can turn a cold, black heart into one that can feel love, laughter, and joy (Ezek. 11:19), I will point you to that night because it is the one that changed everything.

I called Luke the next day. One conversation led to another, and we called the lawyer to stop the divorce proceedings. I tentatively moved back home with him, and we began visiting churches. I was still not very thrilled about the “God thing,” but I knew for some reason I wanted my husband back and this would play a part. Would it ever!

One night soon afterward, my hubby came to me in our living room and told me he had just prayed for salvation. He’d gone to church his whole life, but it was only at that time he truly accepted Christ as his Savior. I grew up in a totally different denomination, so this Baptist way of doing things was a little traumatic for me. I was glad for him, but I still wasn’t so sure what that meant for me. For personal reasons, organized religion held no real appeal, so I was very afraid of how having my husband become so radically different was going to affect me and our life together. Seemingly out of the blue, I began having feelings of not being good enough for this new man, and shame over my own sin slowly entered my heart.

For me, salvation was not a lightning-bolt experience but rather an intellectual process at first. I needed to understand it. 1 Corinthians 1:18 says, “For the message of the Cross is foolishness for those who are perishing but to us who are being saved, it is the power of God.” I know the Spirit of God enabled me to believe what I was hearing because obviously I could have still walked away a scoffer. We were attending my husband’s childhood church, and the pastor became a dear friend and mentor to us both. He started a small group in his home, and I was able to ask all my questions in a very nonthreatening environment. That man was very patient with me as I asked everything from “What does ‘once saved, always saved’ mean?” to “When do you think the rapture will happen?” Sometime in the midst of those sessions, I realized I had already made a decision. That decision was for life—both for Jesus Christ and until-death-do-us-part with my husband. I asked the Lord to “officially” save me and soon afterward made that public in the body of people who had prayed so faithfully for us both.

If this had been the end of the story I would have been happily-ever-after indeed. Little did I know our tale was only beginning.

The Call

Over the next weeks, I watched Luke transform in front of my eyes. Where once stood a rough-around-the-edges construction worker, I now found a softened gentleman. Where turmoil had churned, peace now reigned. A thirst for the world was replaced by an unquenchable longing to drink up every bit of the Word that he’d neglected for the past years.

I’m in no way suggesting that a called minister is on a plane above any other Christian, but what I will say is that even in my own spiritually immature state, what I saw happening in Luke seemed to be so much more fervent than what I saw in other men. And as for my own walk, Luke’s desire made me long for more. If I can be so biased, Luke was special—an opinion I still hold.

I tell you this because I want you to understand that after Luke finally told me he believed God was calling him to minister, my head was shocked, but my heart wasn’t. Something in me perceived our life had taken a twist that surpassed simply returning to our old lives a renewed version of our previous selves. We both were experiencing intense restlessness in our jobs. I had just left an entire career on a lark. And Luke, who had always loved his trade and coworkers, began dreading the alarm clock every morning.

Have you ever read the book The Return of the King in the Lord of the Rings Trilogy? In the end Frodo the hobbit leaves his home, the Shire, after risking his life to save it. When explaining to his best friend, Sam, why he has to go, he says, “There is no real going back. Though I may come to the Shire, it will not seem the same; for I shall not be the same.” In much the same way, the dailiness of our lives had taken on a sense of not-quite-belonging in the place that had always been familiar. Accepting the fact that God was calling us to serve Him in some capacity was like turning a dial to the last number on a combination lock. The “rightness” of it clicked, and suddenly the future was wide open.

Sign, Sign, Everywhere a Sign

Luke and I began to pray and seek God for what He wanted us to do—definitely a first in our married lives. I have no biblical basis for what I am going to say next, but I believe God answers the prayers of baby Christians with a shout instead of a whisper. God has taught us how to discern Him more through prayer and His Word now, but in those early days He had to throw out the flashing neon signs before our own lightbulbs lit up.

The first two of those signs were named Al and Doyle. Both of these men mentioned the name of Clear Creek Baptist Bible College within two days of one another. Al had just returned from a Constructors for Christ project, during which they had built new one-bedroom duplexes for married students without children. Doyle was a longtime supporter of the school. These days I call that type of communication from God a double affirmation, but then we were still thinking, “Hmmm.… That’s odd. I wonder if we are supposed to look into this?”

And God was saying, “Ya think?” while restraining Himself from knocking our foolish heads together.

Luke hesitated contacting the school to request information because he had no hopes of getting in. What I’ve not yet told you is that he didn’t graduate high school. What dropout had any kind of chance to go to college? He finally mustered the nerve to call, and we scheduled a visit. We still didn’t know for what. Both of us realized we wouldn’t be able to go right away but thought maybe the school could give some pointers on what Luke could do to become a student someday.

We traveled to the college and were in love at first sight. The campus was set in the mountains and was absolute lush, peaceful perfection. Arriving there felt like coming home, which at the time was heartbreaking because we knew this place couldn’t possibly be in our near future.

The following day we met the director of admissions, Jay. He was and remains one of the most boisterous, joyful, encouraging people we have ever known. Luke explained his full situation—particularly the part about not having a diploma. Luke expected to hear, “Sorry, son, but you don’t belong here. Come back in a year or two when you are good enough.” Instead Jay chuckled and said, “No problem!!”

No problem? How is not having a high school diploma not a problem?!

Brother Jay enthusiastically went on to explain there was a special program in this college for men who did not have a high-school degree. They would take regular college courses and also be tutored for high school in the freshman year. Students had two semesters to pass the GED, at which point they would have official student status and all classes would count toward a fully accredited degree.

And just like that, there was Neon Sign Three, and it blinked wildly, “Road Open!”

One patient, gracious God gave us three signs in an overwhelming answer to our many prayers—and they all pointed toward our new home. (One of the homes Al built, no less!)

Absolutely Certain (I Think)

Well, enough about us—for now anyway! Since I’ve shared a little backstory with you, I’d like to talk about what I believe is one of the foundational principles of our lives as ministry wives: the nature of our own call.

I realize each of our inductions into a life of ministry was met with different levels of enthusiasm. It’s not every woman who looks forward to low salaries and high expectations. Of frequent moves and misunderstood children. Of criticism and conflict. These are just a few stereotypical pitfalls that can understandably cause a woman to put the skids on any plans her man has for serving in vocational ministry.

As Luke was processing the call God placed on his life, I was blessedly ignorant of all the things I just listed. My church experience was limited to a few years of attendance as a child, so I really had no comprehension of the chew-’em-up-and-spit-’em-out reputation of churches where ministers are concerned. Naïveté is not always a bad thing—especially when knowing all the details could result in being too fearful to take the leap into God’s plan for your future.

But what part do you play in what God is asking your husband to do? Has God called you in the same manner as him? My short answer is to state plainly that every wife has the God-given role of being a faithful helpmeet no matter if her husband is a banker, a mechanic, or a schoolteacher. However, there are unique challenges and more assured uncertainties for the wife who has the high charge of supporting a man directed to leave the familiar behind and follow God’s call into the unknown. What are some of those challenges, and how should we who find ourselves in this situation react? Let’s learn from someone who has gone before us—Abraham’s wife, Sarah.

A Woman Out of Control

We meet Sarah in Genesis 11:30 and are told simply, “[She] was barren; she had no children.” In the Middle Eastern culture, Sarah’s dignity was directly tied to her being married and having babies. Since she was childless, she would not have risked staying behind without her husband, no matter how unsure she may have been about Abraham asking her to leave Ur. There was nothing but shame for Sarah in Ur without Abraham.

And conversely, there was nothing in Canaan for Abraham without Sarah. It was out of Sarah’s infertility that God would perform one of His most awesome works—the miraculous birth of a nation consecrated to Himself. Abraham could have found any number of women who weren’t suffering from the heartbreak of barrenness to be his wife. However, the supernatural birth of Isaac was the requirement for properly illustrating God’s glory through human hopelessness.

Long before Abraham met Sarah, God purposed for the two of them to be the human agents through whom He would bless the nations. Neither of them could have participated in God’s plan alone—each needed the other. That concept is no different for those God continues to call today to spread the good news throughout the world.

When I think of all the quirks and hang-ups that Luke and I both have, it is amazing to realize that for the most part we do not have the same ones. Luke is painfully shy; I’m the social extrovert. Luke is compassionate to a fault where I am more critical. Luke doesn’t understand drama, and I am a master of it; therefore, I am able to help him comprehend the underlying issues women have when he has no clue how to proceed. God placed us together as a team to complement one another’s weaknesses and to nurture the spiritual children He has entrusted to our care. I have total and complete faith in Luke’s ability and he in mine, and yet neither of us believes for a second we could have any measure of ministry success without the support of the other.

To the reluctant ministry wife, I understand your fear. I know your need to have some input on how and where you are going to raise your family. Even the wondrous event of God entering into covenant with Abraham on the assurance of an heir was not enough to keep Sarah from trying to control the way in which the promised child would come into the world. And thirteen years later, Sarah laughed when they were told once again she would have a son. Abraham’s seed could only be reckoned through Sarah, and that required a separate faith on her part—a willing participation in what God purposed to accomplish through their son, Isaac. Sarah wasn’t perfect. She could be harsh and unbelieving and manipulative. However, Hebrews 11:11 tells us God gave her strength to participate in the creation and blessing of nations because “she considered Him faithful who had promised” (NASB).

My personal feeling is that we can make the idea of serving in ministry way more complex than God ever intended. In the case of Abraham, God promised children more numerous than the stars in the sky and the sands on the seashore, but He didn’t ask him to birth them all! He gave Abraham charge over one piece of that promise—beloved Isaac. Sometimes we can get so caught up in the enormity of what God is asking us to do that we forget the Big Picture is composed of individual frames of obedience. I’m guilty of shutting down physically and mentally when the job seems way too big—and all God has asked of me is to trust Him one day at a time. It’s much easier to walk into the unknown if we can focus on being faithful with what is required of us today, trusting God for His faithfulness in all our tomorrows.

It’s Simple, Really

Are we called alongside our husbands? Absolutely. Is the life we are called to complex? You bet. But, based on my personal experience and the example of Sarah, I believe we are asked to do three things that will simplify our thinking and therefore help us to not only accept but look forward to a certain future.

We are called to trust.

1 Peter 3:6 says, “Just as Sarah obeyed Abraham, calling him lord, … you have become her children if you do what is right without being frightened by any fear” (NASB).

This verse is found in a passage describing how a woman’s beauty is to be found internally instead of externally (verses 1–5). Among other things, Peter describes how a woman should be in willing subjection to her husband, even if he is not a believer. Dread shouldn’t motivate her in yielding to him, but rather a healthy fear of God’s mandate to honor her husband. Sarah’s singular obedience was dually blessed. She wanted to obey God by following Abraham. God’s laws are not arbitrary and are not given without benefit attached. Sarah’s reward was the gift of inclusion into the blessing of the nations that God had intended through Abraham. If we seek to surrender our lives to God’s will through His call on our husbands, we will be given the blessed distinction of being a daughter of Sarah.

So what does this type of obedience look like in a minister’s wife? Certainly the amount of reluctance you are feeling towards this role will dictate the type of faith it will take to accompany your husband into the unknown. Hear me well when I say that no matter how much initial trepidation I feel when God asks something of our family, He has yet to call Luke to a task without also piercing my own heart. It is always heartbreaking for me to talk to ministry wives who do not express any sense of calling toward their husband’s work. The reasons are endless, but most often the wife incorrectly believes that his ministry is just another vocation and has nothing to do with her, or she absolutely wants nothing to do with a life with trappings holding no obvious appeal.

You may ask, “Is it wrong if I don’t want my husband to be a preacher? Can anyone blame me if I don’t want to leave what is comfortable and predictable? What if I don’t want to move away from my extended family?” And bigger still, “What if I don’t trust my husband to discern God’s voice?”

If you find yourself feeling this way, then it is time to look past your wants and even those of your husband and straight to the face of God. Ask Him what He requires of you. Are you willing to trust Him with your unknown? Are you willing to obey even if you believe your man has some static in his radio? I wish I had an easy answer here, but in reality these questions can only be hashed out in some sincere facedown time with the Father. Because I continually remember the comfort and reassurance He has offered me with these same fears, I can promise you He’ll invade your heart with a much-needed peace in the midst of the pain that often goes along with hard-fought obedience.

Luke and I had no idea in the beginning what our exact ministry would look like. Would we be missionaries? Would he be behind a pulpit? Would we work in a parachurch organization? We had no clue. In the same way, be assured you won’t always know every detail of what God is asking of you. However, though the what may be unclear, we can always trust the motivation of the Who. Our faith in His promises and the assurance of His continual blessing upon the nations through our obedience in spreading His Word is enough to follow our man wherever God leads.

We are called to participate.

Hebrews 11:11–12 says, “By faith even Sarah herself received ability to conceive, even beyond the proper time of life, since she considered Him faithful who had promised. Therefore there was born even of one man, and him as good as dead at that, as many descendants as the stars of heaven in number, and innumerable as the sand which is by the seashore” (NASB).

I can identify with Sarah on so many levels. Though she is heralded as a model of faithfulness, we know she behaved badly in her doubt. Just think about her side for a bit. God made these covenant promises to Abraham but never mentioned Sarah’s name once until she was ninety years old—some twenty-five years after God first appeared to her husband. She knew God promised Abraham an heir, and when the plan she hatched to speed that along resulted in Hagar’s pregnancy, Sarah may have felt left out by God entirely.

Are you like the girl in the beginning of this chapter who felt no one needed her? Do you ever feel left behind to cook, clean, and take care of babies while your husband spends the better part of his days ministering to everyone but you? Are you convinced he is having a blast crusading for the kingdom while you are stuck at home in the castle—as Cinderella no less?

Obviously the season of life you are in dictates to what degree you are able to participate in the work of the church. Listen closely, young mothers! Your ministry in this stage of life is to those precious babies in your care. If you have your own desires to serve in things such as women’s ministry, Bible study, administration, etc., your day will come. Some of you are able to soldier on and do these things in addition to caring for your toddlers, but many are just not able to do it all. And you know what? You aren’t supposed to. If you find your home is suffering and your kids are begging for your attention, then they—not church ministry—take absolute precedence. Never, ever apologize for making your family first!

My children are no longer babies, but I am just as busy with them in other ways. Diaper changing and bottle feeding have given way to homework and taxi service to whatever sport they are playing at the moment. Though I consider myself active in ministry, there are many things I don’t do. For example, I don’t always make it to the funeral home every time someone passes, due to the simple fact that I would have to bring my kids and I don’t particularly think they enjoy going any more than I enjoy having to get them dressed and wrangling them once there. I do have a tradeoff, however—I help with the meal if we are hosting one for the grieving family. The kids can hang out in a back room, and the stress is greatly relieved for them and for me. Not to mention our darling church ladies always fix the kids a plate from the leftovers. This is my way of letting the family know I love them, I care, and I am taking part to the best of my current ability without making myself crazy.

No matter if you are a seasoned ministry wife or a relative newbie, there is always one thing your congregation will pick up on loud and clear—your willingness to serve despite your inability. Do you work outside the home but do your best to participate in the body when possible? The church knows this and for the most part will understand. (Oh, there will always be exceptions!)

However, what they will not easily forgive is when you take a seat in the back and refuse to play a part—able or not. There are many women who are embittered by the demands the church has placed on their family’s life and time, therefore they refuse to support their husband’s ministry or the church body in any way, shape, or form. We’ll discuss in a later chapter the delicate balance between home and church life, but let’s just say for now that this attitude is extremely unhealthy and can be a huge detriment to your husband’s relationship with the church. The support the congregation perceives your husband receiving from you and your willingness to care for them even if you aren’t able to do all that you’d like is a bridge between their hearts and your man’s. Just like Sarah, your participation in his call is not only nice but necessary for him to effectively live out what God will do through him, whether you realize it now or not.

We are called to hope.

A life in ministry ultimately calls us to one thing: a hope for a greater glory than current circumstances reveal. I can’t think of a higher charge than the invitation to participate in God’s good intentions toward His creation. Sarah considered God faithful in His promises towards her, and because of that, she was able to look past the difficult years of childlessness and hold the manifestation of God’s blessing in her own arms.

Many years ago I watched a mafia movie (I don’t have any idea what it is called) where a gangster was teaching his young son about trust. The boy was on a ladder, and the father repeatedly told him to fall backward into his arms: “Don’t worry! I’m your father. Do you really think I’d let you be hurt?” The boy was more frightened of his dad than the fall, so he let go of the ladder. As he fell the dad stepped to the side and let him crash to the ground. His son stared up in surprised pain as the father said, “Never trust anyone.”

I think many of us have the mindset that God is the father who is setting us up for a huge fall and that we can’t trust Him to keep something painful from happening to us. The difference is He is standing in your unknown saying, “You can ALWAYS trust me!”

He never promises our lives won’t hurt, but you know what? He will always cushion us. Certainly there are hard days but in the midst of them you will find laughter, just like Abraham and Sarah. Sometimes those giggles you share will be born out of pure joy and at other times from incredulous unbelief. The thing to always remember is that you and your husband are in this thing together. There is no part of what God intends to do through either of you that isn’t intimately intertwined with the love and support of the other. God has appointed your husband according to his gifts, and your first priority as his wife is to affirm him in this role. However, many of you have desires for ministry that will involve taking off in your own direction. That doesn’t mean you supplant your hubby, but in the appropriate season, there will be many ways in which your own talents will broaden the scope of what he is able to do alongside you versus going it alone.

If You Say So

One of the coolest things about this book is the fact that these are not just my own observations! I mentioned in the introduction that I have a blog called The Preacher’s Wife (www.apreacherswife.com). Blogs are explained in greater detail in Appendix A of this book.

As part of the research for this project I asked a series of survey questions to the ministry wives who hang out with me online. (I’m excited to tell you there are a lot of them!) These Round Table discussions provide advice and encouragement from women who are serving in the trenches just like you. More than anything, I pray this book confirms the fact you are not alone in your circumstances, your joys, your struggles, or your opinions. I am so thrilled to introduce you to an online community of women who absolutely understand where you are coming from. I’ve also gathered comments from laypeople. I think it is imperative that we hear from both perspectives in order to understand one another’s hearts and hopefully build stronger relationships.

Now let me be clear: I am in no way saying that “virtual” friends should replace your flesh and blood ones. What I can tell you is that I have met many women in person that I’ve first made contact with online through my blog and they’ve become my dearest confidants. Blogs are but one fresh and relevant way to establish connections with women who will support you in your role as a ministry wife. We’ll discuss those various avenues in a later chapter centered on friendships.

For ease of identification (and to show off my excessive-texting-abbreviation skills), my blog friends will be known as the M2M Girls (as in, Married to Ministry Girls). Make sense? Let’s see what they had to share about their perspectives on calling.

Round Table

“I never wanted to be a pastor’s wife. When my husband felt called (before we got engaged) I had doubts. But, what God wanted and had planned was far greater than I knew at the time. He eventually convinced my heart to follow Him.”—Sarah @ Life in the Parsonage
“I feel like my highest calling is to be my husband’s supporter, his encourager, his helpmate. I believe that my service in the home, especially at this season in our lives with small children, is the biggest call in that ministry. He could not focus on doing the greatest part of his calling—preaching the gospel—if I didn’t do mine.”—Crystal @ Life Is Nothing Without Him
“As a layperson, I think it is obvious when a wife doesn’t share her husband’s passion for ministry. I don’t believe a pastor’s wife has to be everyone’s friend or attend every church event. But I do think you can tell by her general demeanor if she is ministry-minded. And, rightly or wrongly, the vibe I get from her reflects on her husband.”—Lori (layperson)
“I felt a call to ministry years before I met my husband, and deep down I hoped that call meant I would marry a minister. My challenge came several years later when he started thinking about leaving the ministry and I thought, ‘Wait a minute. I married you as a minister, so you have to stay one!’ I came to realize that I was married to him—a person, not his title—and I would love him no matter what.”—Kecia @ Kecia’s Journey
“I don’t know of any other occupation that my husband could have that would require me to be a part of the ‘package deal’ (for free) except the ministry. That took some getting used to!”—Sherry @ Life at the Parsonage
“It’s easy to spot a woman who’s happy for and proud of her husband’s life/accomplishments/calling. It may not be easy for her to ‘follow’ when she is in the background with young children (early on), but she is proud of her man’s walk and character. That is a beautiful thing to see.”—Darnelle (layperson) @ All Things Work Together

Now That You Know:

How are you responding to God’s call on your husband? Seek out a seasoned pastor’s wife and ask her to share her experience with you for reassurance.
Take the power away from the vague fears Satan will give you about the uncertainties you face by writing down what scares you. Search out the truth of God’s Word to apply to each. Afraid of moving away from family? Claim Matthew 19:29. Worried your family will not be provided for? Pray Psalm 37:25.
Laypeople: Has a man in your congregation announced a call to ministry? He is often congratulated and much is made over his decision, but his wife may be struggling in his shadow. Take the time to encourage her by pointing out the gifts she has that will be an asset to him. If there isn’t a new minister in your midst, consider writing a note of encouragement to your existing pastor’s wife to let her know what a vital part she plays in her husband’s work.

Sad + Mad=Heart-Wrenching Combination

2010-02-16T23:51:00.005-05:00

The past few days have been a nightmare. If I could list the five things most likely to get to me, almost every one of those heartaches happened within a 36 hour time period. Fortunately, God's grace wrapped me up in a bullet-proof vest before the bad stuff hit. I can't explain it--I just know that left to my own responses I would be a mess. But because I'm confident I'm right where God wants me, I can rest assured that everything is going to be okay.

So, tonight when I was near tears, it wasn't because I didn't get a book deal I really wanted for a client, or a writing gig I wanted for myself. It wasn't because someone misunderstood me or created tension. Not even because of uncertainty for the future, whether for us, or our loved ones. Yet all those trials did hit over the past few days.

What got me near tears was probably a culmination of it all, if I'm being honest. Seeing an innocent elder being abused and disrespected triggered a deep sadness and a passionate anger. I've tried wording it concisely here--to try to explain why this affected me like this, but I can't put it into words. Not yet. It's too fresh. All I know is that Russ and I were left shaken and trembling. It's just too much to have to hear a sweet woman of almost 87 (who is still mentally stable) upset because she feels she's being kidnapped and yanked from all she knows and loves. The wrong ones are being rewarded and she's being penalized--SHE'S the victim. I know there are many sides to the story, but it's NEVER right to treat a senior citizen like she is an object rather than a human being. She called with such a desperate plea in her voice for us to save her, to help her. This, after an 11-day ordeal of trying to get her answers. Adult Protective Services let her down. The government let her down. Her family let her down. The nursing home administration let her down. Who was her advocate?

Russ and I have learned a lot about the "system" through this situation. It's not over yet. I think we are going to get passionate about elder rights. The system is broken. Ageism is wrong. We've got to fix this. And in the mean time, may the Good Lord wrap a shawl of grace around this dear senior saint and let her know she is loved. Bring someone special into her life who will be Jesus to her. Give her hope again. Protect her from evil. May someone pick up the fight wherever she is taken and give voice to her questions and heartaches. Why does it have to be so many states away from here? Only God can help. Only God.

Back and Up to Speed!

2010-02-06T15:53:00.005-05:00

I flew to Orlando on January 28th and host Cheri Cowell picked me up at the airport. Cheri was a prior publicity client of mine, and we've developed a friendship over the past couple of years. We have lots of great talks about life, especially as it pertains to writing, speaking, and ministry. She opened up her home for me to stay 3 nights, total.

The Word Weavers of Florida invited me to be their retreat speaker Friday through Sunday. Within minutes of meeting these writers, I felt like I knew them all. The entire event was great. Lot's of "aha moments" and "light bulb" moments as listeners related personally to a topic or realized how to apply something I said to their own lives. So rewarding!

Like most events, I was "on" from the moment I stepped out of my room until the moment I determined I couldn't say another word of conversation for the day. All told, I spoke for about 4 hours on workshops and keynotes, about 3 hours on panel discussions with a couple others, and lots of one-on-one time. The retreat was hosted at a very nice encampment and my room was like a hotel room. We were there from Friday night until noon on Sunday.

Sunday I took one appointment in the afternoon--over the next 30 hours or so I consulted with 12 writers, during one hour appointments. Lots of really great ideas started flowing with all this thinking going on. Dangerous huh? :o)

Sunday night Cheri and hubby Randy drove me to Titusville so I could get my fill of rock shrimp, served much like itty bitty lobster bites, with drawn butter. YUM. I first had this delicacy a few years ago and have tried to figure out how to get more of it ever since then! When I saw the Titusville sign and shouted out "ROCK SHRIMP," Cheri made sure I had this little outing away from work. Very nice!

Also a break, we went to hear Eugene Peterson, translator/writer of The Message Bible and many other books. At 77 years old, I knew that hearing his point of view was a source of wisdom audiences may not get to hear for many more years. Obviously I didn't agree with every point, but I could respect his passion and his wisdom. He gave me a great deal to think about!

At this same event (at Asbury Theological University), I enjoyed the St. John's Episcopal Steel Orchestra from Kissimee, FL. They were amazing. Their talent spanned about 60 years, from an 8-year-old boy to a senior citizen lady. Their island music thrilled my soul. Especially Beethovan's Fifth, which I can't seem to shake from my brain's concert hall! Not a bad problem to bring home on the plane.

My entire trip was wonderful. Good fellowship. Great opportunities. Incredible ideas. Special people.

I started this note by saying I was back home and finally up to speed--but now, almost a week later, I'm still feeling like I'm playing catch up!

Packing For A Trip

2010-01-27T10:41:00.002-05:00

This year I'm going to be flying at least eight times that I know of, and it's just January! So that number could go up if I book any more events. I leave tomorrow morning for Orlando, where I'll be the retreat speaker for the Word Weavers. It's going to be a great weekend with the theme SuperMarketing. It will be a play on what we do to market ourselves and our books, and on the supermarket. The team has planned an imaginary WeaverMart store, for games and decorations and I might even take a trip to WeaverMart!

So...today I'm packing. I'm getting pretty good at this. I have a few suggestions for others who are traveling this year and want some tips.

I use the spacebags designed for luggage. It doesn't require a vacuum cleaner. I put all my clothes inside the bag. Lay down on it to squish all the air out until it looks like an astronaut's meal. It gives me more space in my suitcase AND surprisingly, it helps with some of the wrinkling.

With what wrinkling does happen--as soon as I get to my destination I pull out my clothes and hang them up. Then I retrieve an empty spray bottle I always pack, fill it with simple water, and spritz my clothing. This freshens it up and the wrinkles fall out over night. No need for fancy products!

I try to pack my clothing in a couple of basic color combinations so I can coordinate them like grown-up garanimals. And it limits my shoes and jewelry needs.

I have a travel notebook that has all my important contact information for people where I'm going, for people from home in case something happens to me, my medical information, my agendas, my boarding passes, etc. This time it will include the cell phone number of the person picking me up since she will be hanging out at the cell phone parking lot waiting for a call--then she will pull up to the arrivals where I'll be waiting for her. This saves time and money and also reduces the number of cars hanging out around arrivals waiting for their passengers--a security thing.

I'll write more travel tips in the next day or two. In the meantime, please pray for my travels. I never take safety or security for granted. I rest in God's hands--as do each one of us!

Rio Grande Bible Institute

2010-01-22T23:56:00.005-05:00

During Summer 2009, I met the wonderful faculty and staff of the Rio Grande Bible Institute. They used our church facility to meet for their staff retreat. There was an instant connection, like they were members of my family. And my heart was blessed to observe their joy in action. They had a clear sense of purpose and a fired up passion for outreach and ministry to the Spanish-speaking world.

Recently, Russ received a call from Robert Crane, Director of Ministerial Advancement at the institute. He invited us to go to Edinburg, TX to visit the campus. Thursday we made the 50-minute trip. Yes--that close to home!

First we dined at the famous Echo hotel with Bob, along with the president of the institute, Dr. Larry Windle, his wife, and about 20 guests and staff from Bibleville. The hotel was like stepping back into the high society of yesteryear. And great food!

Bibleville is a Christian retirement center with some all-year-round residents as well as hosting hundreds of Winter Texans and locals at Bible conferences, music concerts, trips to Mexico and ministry opportunities. They have about 100 RV hook-ups and over 100 mobile homes available.

After lunch, we drove to the campus and had a lovely tour. The weather was 84 degrees (yes, in January!), and the landscaping was colorful, so it made for a good day. Felt like I was playing hooky or something.

The Bible Institute is a place where Spanish-speaking students can attend courses for training in Bible, theology and Christian education. The goal is to equip workers for the ministry.

The campus also houses a Missionary Language School, where missionaries preparing for the field can come to learn Spanish in a 10-month intensive study. They are often paired with a national from the region of Latin America where they will be ministering, to assure they learn the dialect and slang phrases of their region.

There is also a correspondence school and video ministry for distance learning. And Radio Esperanza reaches thousands of Spanish-speaking listeners in South TX, Mexico and beyond. They often receive 5,000 calls per month in response to radio programming, with requests for prayers and counseling.

The staff and faculty of the institute come from all over to serve the Lord here, and they are financially supported through churches and individuals. This is a true mission work.

Besides Bibleville, there is also a Winter Worker Program for retired friends who travel South to avoid cold weather. They agree to work a certain number of hours per week (I think it is 28 hours), in exchange for a free RV hook-up. But they get so much more. The fellowship alone is reward enough.

We saw retirees painting desks, doing maintenance, working on landscaping, and quilting blankets to take in to Mexico. It was clear this institute could not function without volunteerism and mission support.

I enjoyed the tour, and now have a better idea how to pray for Rio Grande Bible Institute. I'm sure they would appreciate your prayers as well.

You can learn more about it here:
http://www.riogrande.edu/2006web/english/about.htm

American Pickers

2010-01-19T09:52:00.006-05:00

http://www.history.com/video.do?name=American_Pickers&bcpid=53563798001&bclid=58806631001&bctid=59360555001

Monday night I watched the premiere episode of American Pickers on the History channel. It was right up my alley. (Mom--you would love it too!) In fact, several times during the show outbursts could be heard in the room, "I want this job!" "I would love this job!" "I want to be a picker!"

Russ finally had enough of my exclamations and proclaimed as the final statement on the subject, "Okay, then. Go ahead. Start a new business." With a smile on his face. He knew I was really into this show--and truth be told--so was he!

What is an American Picker? These two men have a business traveling to different homes looking through people's "stuff" to find treasures. They get leads of people who have yards or barns filled with junk. Some are probably hoarders. All have fascinating back-stories.

So, the camera crews go along, and document the stories behind the objects of interest, and also show us how the negotiating process works best (and when it doesn't work at all). They show us what they pay, what the estimated value is, and how much they stand to profit on the items.

The personalities are fun, the stories are heartwarming, the information is educational. It's a winner.

Check it out.

And for my back-up career, I think I'm gonna be an American Picker!